Tributes to Friends

[Doolhof]

FRIENDS: we all have them at some stage in our lives or we would dearly like to have one right now.

I've just picked up a book by Hulton Getty called "Best Friends"

Over time I am going to share some of the quotes with you and see if I can recall positive stories about my friends to share with you. Sometimes my brain forgets things. Ha. Ha.

Today's quote is "Friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life" by President Thomas Jefferson.

For some reason the following story came to mind.

When I was about 12, a friend and I stayed in an old half derelict house belonging to her family. We tried to get the wood stove going so we could pop corn on the stove in a saucepan. The stove took ages to heat up and we left the popcorn on the stove and went to bed.

During the night the fire in the stove took off and the corn started to pop and scared the "whatevers" out of us! We certainly needed each other that night until we realised what was happening!

Hope you can share some stories about your friends.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Indra]

Hi Lauren - sounds like you were busy over the weekend - I wish sometimes I could be like that! I  had a mixed bag with mine. I always stress and have high anxiety when my older son goes for visitation. Unfortunately a court order says he must. He gets very anxious and inconsolable before he goes and the father does not do his meds properly - just not a good situation. Tried to keep the little one busy and that is no mean task - I can see why I have to dye my hair. Today has started on a down. I was supposed to go to the my time group, but just didn't have it in me. I don't find it very supportive and think I go sometimes just so my son gets to play - it's held at his kindy. I said to my fiancée this morning - "is it me?", sometimes I think that SA is not a friendly state either at times. The other thing that makes me want to cry- and I have been doing it a lot lately, which I deplore - is the lack of intimacy I have with my fiancée. It is actually on his part and it makes me feel worthless and unwanted. I have tried talking but he clams up  or lies about it. It's pushing me to a breaking point and not sure which path to choose. So I  have been trying to keep myself busy this morning - it helps not to think about it too much and I enjoyed baking Minion cupcakes with my little one. Sorry to bombard you - just got on a bit if a roll. Hope your day goes and thank you for being around. Indra

[Doolhof]

FRIENDSHIPS 

"Good Friendships are fragile things and require as much care as any other fragile and precious thing" by Randolf Bourne.

I don't know if I really believe in this saying. Some friendships are fragile yes, but they are not the ones I try to have. Precious yes, but fragile sounds like too much hard work for me.

A bit if give and take, understanding, care, and compassion, but not having to walk on egg shells!

Then again, friendships with a person suffering from a mental illness can be fragile or as a person with a mental illness friendships can seem that way. So guess it depends on what angle you look at things!

Wishing you all precious friendships that don't become too fragile!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Indra,

I have just read your post. I'm so sorry to read you have a few issues to deal with at present. Is your older son able to help with his medication while he is with his Dad? I don't mean this in a rude way, but is he capable of self medicating or is that a bit beyond him? It does seem very irresponsible of his Dad not being able to stick to the routine.

I'd like to encourage you to attend the group at the kindy. I know when I don't attend something that I have scheduled, then I feel worse because I didn't go.

It does sound though that you are feeling lonely there. Are you relatively new to the group? It can be difficult to feel like you fit in at times. Some groups can be so clicky that they just don't welcome new people.

Intimacy! Oh dear. That can be a tough one. My husband and I are like that since his testicular cancer. It has come to a state where he doesn't like me to touch him at all and we now have separate bedrooms.

There have been a few posts about this issue lately. Mostly they are from men saying their wives are not interested in sex any more.

It sounds like there is obviously something bothering your fiancé. Could you suggest an appointment with a Dr together or a counsellor? Try to be caring, understanding and supportive and hopefully he will let you know what the issue is.

I hope you have a day with less sadness tomorrow! Thinking of you, from Lauren

[Mz13114]

Hi Mrs Dools. Love reading your stuff and the challenge I get by thinking in a better way. I'm at an international nursing school to up skill my nursing. I was so isolated and didn't want to engage in anything after Gus died.

I was travelling really bad and knew I had to meet new people. I'm pretty lucky with the class I am in and love how our language differences don't affect our friendships. I'm just glad I did it even if I whinge about study.

cheers. Mz13114

[Indra]

Hi Lauren,

I actually cried when I read your response. Thank you for being here - even in cyberland. Unfortunately my son's Autism is moderate so it makes him in the low functioning range and he is limited with his verbalisation. I deplore his father (was his emotional and in the end physical punching bag), however I try and work in especially for anything medical. The other isn't firing on all four cylinders and was fortunate to have an expensive and aggressive lawyer - thank goodness that chapter is half closed. Today was half promising - does that count? My fiancée and I went for a 3km walk this morning - that was good. My younger sister caught up with us for lunch - which was trying, I am used to having a lot of eyeroll moments her. On a downside - having a day with no kids  (school/kindy ) I suggested some "romance" he tried but clearly wasn't interested so it made it worse. I feel sometimes he wants a friend rather than a partner. The day wound up with a lot of annoyance from ex no 2 (manipulative liar and cheat - violent at the end, I can pick them 😕😮I will try make sure I get to group next Monday, there are a few strong personalities there and not to make waves I have to bite my tongue and yes I am a late comer to the group, makes it a bit harder to fit in. My fiancée asked me if I wanted to try and get into a hobby or something. The sad part is it has been so long that I have done anything for myself, I no longer know what I enjoy or like - that part feels lost and makes me feel even worse. I hope your day went well and it is nice to know someone is thinking of me. Take care and bless you for being in the world - you are an inspiration Lauren - Indra 

[Doolhof]

Hi Mz13114,

Thanks for the encouraging words. I am learning so much about myself and others through being connected to this forum.

I have been thinking I would like to do a counselling course so will see about that some time.

Congratulations to you for working on contributing to your nursing skills. I hope you are able to grow some of the friendships you have there.

It is only through talking with other people that we learn they too may be struggling with something and you may be able to help each other.

Just having someone to say good morning to each day can certainly help a person who may be feeling alone and nervous about being in a group.

Sometimes when a loved one dies, it is hard to think that world is continuing on when you might wish for everything to stop for a while so you can comprehend what has happened.

As tragic as Gus' death has been, you do not know when you may be able to help someone else who is going through the same thing.

I wish you well with your studies, I hope you have some lovely times with your fellow students and may you grow in strength.

Thinking of you and thanking you once again for sharing your strength with us all.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

my next quote goes like this:

"A TRUE FRIEND IS THE MOST PRECIOUS OF POSSESSIONS AND THE ONE WE TAKE LEAST THOUGHT ABOUT ACQUIRING."

By La Rochefoucauld

For some reason I have just thought of my first boyfriend! We were 5 years old and had just started school! He had bright red hair and I thought he was wonderful. We would hold hands and I even kissed him on the cheek!

Then he became ill and had to leave school to start the next year. I was devastated!  Ha. Ha. I felt like I had lost my best friend!

Friendships, they really are special, if they be in person, from across the world or the other side of a computer screen!

I would like to encourage you all to reach out to someone today, even if it just with a smile and a hello.

Cheers to you all, from Mrs. Dools

[Mz13114]

Hi Mrs Dools,

Funny how things occur when we share something. One of my classmates, who I have been helping, has become very hard to handle. Constant phone calls, lots of negative talk about others and I have even been threatened by her irrational behaviour.

I have tried to give her phone numbers for help for her problems and she became more aggressive toward me. I worry for her and without giving details, I let the clinical co ordinator know. When stuff like this happens, I just want to hide again but I know that's a bad outcome for me.

I am always wiling to be there for people but I know I am not a professional who has answers. I hope she is OK. but I know I have to be mindful of how I am and not slip into darkness myself. Our class is looking out for her and keeping in touch. It reminds me of the stress young people go through with their studies.

Thanks for your post.

Cheers.

Mz.

[Doolhof]

Hi Mz,

I think you have done the right thing by alerting the clinical coordinator know this person needs some assistance.

There is the old saying that says "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". People can be a little like that. We can provide others with help and assistance and phone numbers, but if they are unwilling to use them, there is little else we can do.

I had a girl friend who was in great need of mental health care, but she would not listen to anything I had to suggest. Each time I met her, she would go over the same troubles all of the time.

I feel that some people are not happy unless they are grumbling, or they have become so stuck in a rut they do not know how to get out any more.

You have tried to help this person, and well done to you. We sometimes have to cut our extra connection with people if they are dragging us down.

Congratulations to you for being wise enough to know when you have had enough and when you need to back down. It is not like you have left this person floundering as it seems like others are assisting as well.

I hope you do not have to study all weekend and you have some nice distractions and happenings planned.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Todays quote on friendships goes like this:

When the chips are not exactly down but just scattered about, you discover who your real friends are!" By Richard Burton

That is true, but also when you are really struggling, that is when real friendship shines. It is also great to have friends when everything is going excellent.

Friends at any time are so beneficial to our well being. Friends may be in person, over the phone, via emails and posts!

Here's sending you all a cheery and friendly "good aye"

From Mrs. Dools