Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

I just read an article in a magazine & thought I would share a suggestion. When deciding if our self talk is OK use the 'friend-o-meter'. Ask if you would say this to a good friend. If the answer is no you have no right to say it to yourself!!!

[quirkywords]

Hello all.

Thanks Elizabeth,

Yes thanks for mentioning that.

There was an ad for Dove I think with women talking and really being mean to each other- and the tag was you wouldn't talk to your friend like that so don't talk to yourself.

Thanks so much for reminding us because it is easy to forget and it gives us perspective.

I often say to people if it was your friend going through a similar experience would you say mean and hurtful words or would you be supportive?

Elizabeth I appreciate your support and helpful comments.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Hi Quirky...there is one particular track on a great CD (from ABC shop) titled Reassurance which I find enormously soothing and helpful.

the CD is called Worry Free and recited by Carmen Warrington with music by David Jones...easily obtained here....from the ABC. love, me x

[Sad_Mushroom]

HI all,

The positive affirmations that I listen to most nights when I go to bed is good. It's on youtube and has a strong but calm soothing voice repeating all variations of how good I am and how everyone likes me.

At first, I thought it was silly but then my sons began saying "you've been listening to that thing again, haven't you?" so even though I hadn't noticed any real change my sons were able to see it.

SM

[quirkywords]

Hi Moon and Sad Mushroom

Thanks for your recommendations. I have not had much luck before with cds but will try again and let you know. I am sure many others will appreciate the recommendations.

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Quirky and everyone,

I'm taking the day off from the forums. But I wanted to come here first and thank you for the discussion on this thread. It has been very important and helpful to me recently.

Today I am being selfish and am not going to apologise for it even to my inner critic. Therapy yesterday was hard. Writing today was harder.

But my critic is funnily enough scared into submission. It is odd.

I am angry. And refusing to listen to the inner critic. I'm sure she'll be back but today I put my foot down (inside me head?) and said no. Told her to just shut up. Told her if I listen to her I eventually will end up in hospital. That she can bit... and whinge all she wants but at the end of the day she is ME. And I have had enough today.

I may not be able to get my kids to shut up. Or to clean up a single toy. Or to stop going from room to room just trashing things for thensole purpose of piss... me off. But I don't have to listen to her crap. So I'm not. That simple. I am angry. Fuming angry. Hurt. Had an absolute gutful. And completely safe.

Because this is my mind. My life. And I have had enough. I'm going back to bed. And my kids can just raid the fridge and eat chocolate for all I care today. And trash the house and draw everywhere. I'll try again tomorrow. But today... I'm done.

Who knew when I thrown wobbly the critic is too scared to say a word. Sweet.

[Ggrand]

Hi everyone,

Quirky, just popping in to read Elizabeth's post you mentioned to me, also the other posts as well.

Trying to learn hopefully to get my increasingly growing hard critic to surrender to my kind critic, even a little. A hard task to control HC.

Karen.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Quercus 1 - Inner critic 0 ( still scared to speak!!)

3 cheers for Quercus.

Karen, thanks for popping in. I started this thread as I have problems so I am learning and struggling at times but people have given me good ideas. If you read Quercus's post above yours, she has had a win by putting her foot down or in her words throwing a wobbly!!

Karen, let me know what you think.

Quirky.

[Sad_Mushroom]

oh Quercus,

I feel for you and want to provide some information that might help.

When my 5 kids were younger my house always seemed a mess and I found I was always fighting to get them to pack up. Once I started yelling I found I could not stop, so I ended up being a screaming mess and cranky. It only took a few steps to help me sort this.

I began hiding small treats under certain toys. The child that picked that toy up, to put back in the toy box etc would find that treat. Kids are so much keener to pick up mess if they may find a treat. Kids do not even care what the treat is, for kids it is about finding a treat,,,,like a treasure hunt. Sometimes treat would be a raisin and all the kids would laugh, other times it would be a small toy or a skittle. It's not about the treat it is about finding a treat.

It can take 5 minutes to hide treats under various toys but it can save parents hours of battling and arguing with kids to pick up their toys. Once I called "pack up time" my kids would race in to pack up the toys, all trying to outdo each other and find the treats.

My kids had that coloured hand soap in the bath (like crayons). The could draw all amounts of pictures in the bath and on the tiles, then use the cloth (a loofer) to erase them before they got out. All I had to do was rinse and my bath was clean.

For older kids....I did not have chores for each kid. I put up a list of jobs I wanted help with and a price I would pay for that job. Having 5 kids I left it up to the kids which job they wanted to do and how much money they wanted that week.

EG: My list would list everyday jobs I needed doing and how much I was willing to pay for those jobs. So If Chris wanted money, Chris would sweep the kitchen floor for 50cents each day and mark it off the list. At the end of the week, we went through the list and paid each child for the jobs they have done.

My list also listed things such as making your own bed was 50cents. Putting your clothes in the washing basket 20cents. Mopping the kitchen floor was $1.

That way I was not arguing with my kids about doing their jobs. The kid that wanted or needed money would do as many jobs as they could to get that money.

Then I told them that whatever they banked I would equal. So if Chris earnt $5 for the week and banked $2 I would also put $2 in his bank account. Nothing like teaching them to bank and save while they are young.

SM

I could go on but I guess that should be on my own thread.

[quirkywords]

SM

What wonderful advice . Pity my children are grown up. Thanks for sharing. I wonder what the inner critic would say.

Quirky.