Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

I've been using the chart sometimes more effectively than other times. One thing I've noticed is that I feel much better mood wise as well as fatigue when I don't push myself and force myself to have breaks(something which does not come naturally) If I am put under pressure then things go downhill very fast. I need to be better at telling others no rather than pushing myself to keep up with their expectatins

[quirkywords]

Thanks Elizabeth.

I too find putting pressure on me doesn’t work . It is hard not feel u der pressure at times.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone reading,

I observe people on this forum and in my life who are so kind and caring to others but are critical of themselves and very judgmental.

I find it hard to see why we can’t treat ourselves well. I am guilty of this and keep trying to be kinder to myself less critical.

[CMF]

Hi Quirky,

So true. I made a few mistakes at work this week. 1 was cos I didn't know, 1 was a typo. Since working from home I've lost my confidence. I'm not t set up like the office, system is slow or drops out. I've been anxious. I had as chat to one of my managers and told her I fe feel like a failure, like I've let people down. She said no. We all make mistakes, we'rehuman, that I am so good at my job and everyone adores me. I still useless yet when others make mistakes I consider why. Lack of training? Not understanding? Hadnt6been shown/told? On the other hand, I've learnt new things. I came across things I hadn't done before. I did things I hadn't done before. I worked things out that I didn't know. I realised things. I attempted things I'd never done cos my colleague was away. I learnt.

I still see myself as failing though. I'm back in the office next week to help boost my confidence.

Cmf x

[quirkywords]

Cmf

Thanks for explaining how you feel. Many can relate to what you wrote.
I like the way you have insights into your thinking. You have listed all the things you have learnt and why you have made mistakes and how you try to understand others mistakes.

I try not to use the word fail because in reality as you have mentioned you learnt a lot.

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky, CMF and all reading,

The words we use certainly make a difference to how we see, perceive, accept and react to different situations. This was pointed out recently on a different thread.

I know I can re-train my mind to not get stuck in the negatives, it is just not always easy to do so! Sometimes I do not even realise how negative my thoughts have become as that is how I think generally when dealing depressed.

Maybe I need to make up a list of opposites. Accepting and positive words and phrases to replace my negative thoughts I think about myself and my life.

Something to ponder and to try to implement.

Cheers all from Dools

[quirkywords]

Thanks Dools,

I think not just opposites but looking at how damaging the word fail or hopeless, useless. They are very generals doing inflexible.

Thanks for your comment.

[CMF]

My inner critic is telling me how useless I am. I just let people down.

Guess it's the anxiety fuelling it.

[quirkywords]

CMF,

what does useless mean. You work and communicate well. With others, you are bringing up several humans to be responsible adults, you are a thoughtful partner , you share your thoughts here with others so they don’t feel alone. I think that shows how useful you are.

Ignore your inner critic .

Now listen to the positive feedback you receive from others.

[quirkywords]

Whenever I feel a bit lost or insecure I come here to reflect and find some inner strength to stop my negative thoughts.

I am keeping my inner critic at bay by looking for the things I can do .