FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky


822 Replies 822

Welcome everyone.

I really appreciate the sharing of your thoughts and experiences.

Mrs Dool,

I also see a discussion with my inner critic can stop me from going low hen it was something trivial.I find standing up for myself helps.

Starting new,

Thanks for your detailed comment. Many here and reading will relate to you.

I find when others comment negatively or I see the comments as negative, I am trying to see what I would say to myself if I was my best friend. Would I let someone put my friend down no I would go in and support my friend. So I feel we need to support ourselves.

I hope you can keep reading and sharing. Nat and I have written don out discussions with our inner critic and theses are quite revealing.

Smallwolf.

Thanks for your comment. Yes I agree as I have said before the mere concept of an inner critic will not irk for some people and all ideas are a matter of trying to see what works.

I see this thread as a spring board for ideas so please feel free to share anything that works or does not for you. Everyone is welcome to contribute.

Quirky

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello everyone reading ,

I am wondering if my inner critic is lud sometimesbeacuse like I lake confidence or high self esteem. Do you think people who are self confident do not listen to or even hear their inner critic.

So instead of arguing with my inner critic do I need to build up my self confidence?

What doeseveryone think?

Your thoughts greatly appreciated?

Quirky

Waiting to pick up my grandson from school yesterday I saw a couple of posters with interesting sayings.

We are all geniuses but if a fish spends his life trying to climb a tree He will spend his life thinking he is a failure.

When we spend our life focusing on our weaknesses we give our inner critic too much ammunition. If like the fish we spent our time trying to swim in other words working on our strengths our confidence will automatically improve.

Mistakes are just proof that we are trying

Much better than thinking they prove we are useless

Hello everyone,

that quote about the fish climbing a tree is one I really like. When I first read it, I could relate to the fish.

Thanks Elizabeth for sharing quotes they are helpful reminders. I have mentioned before about looking at our strengths but when we feel defeated it is hard to find them.

Quirky

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Quirky and all~

I think this relates.

I'm a perfectionist and am not happy, or my inner critic is not, if I do any sort of job in a slapdash manner. While there are a couple of reasons for this way of life I'd say fear of criticism is one, and that fear most probably comes from a lack of self-confidence.

Obviously there is satisfaction in doing things well, and confidence if I build something it will not fall apart, so you would think after this length of time the self-confidence would have learned - um

Croix

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello all

Croix great to read your post.

I am the opposite I have a go at things even if I am not skilled at them. I suppose I knowI have no agent but am trying so dont worry about the criticism. If i do my best but hear criticism from others I feel deflated.

I think confidence can deceive us at times.

Quirky

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

I am wondering if anyone feels the self critical nature or inner critic comes from aneed to be perfecto perfectionist.

For me that is not true as I have never been or will never be a perfectionist. Iknowothers who are always crtical of themselves as they can't live up to the standards they set.

Just a thought,so am interested in what you think. Wether this is you first post here or you have posted before everyone welcome.

Quirky

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Quirky and all.

When I do things around the house I'm slap happy, I don't care if it's done perfect or not as long as things are clean and everything looks neat I'm okay with that, so no inner critic here.

Talking to people, I like to be able to speak perfectly and make sense, I never do so now my inner critic is huge, like dinosaur size, I won't speak until I think what I want to say is correct, because when I talk I suppose you can say I always put my foot in my mouth, I think that's the saying.

I beat myself up quite a lot because when I talk I'm either uninteresting, don't know what I'm talking about or make a fool out of myself. My inner critic is like, What did you say that for? Why would you say that? What the hell did I just say? It just goes on and on... where talking or conversation is concerned definition I never live up to the standards I set for myself.

Karen.

Hi Quirky,

Thanks. That is the exact question I needed right now.

I'm far from perfect. But as my psychiatrist seems to tell me all the time in my head it is either perfect or it is a catastrophe.

Learning to allow myself shades of grey gives the critic a field day.

I'm a bad worthless person

I'm selfish and cruel and unkind

I should forgive more, give more, try harder.

But the thing is I'm allowed to let myself be human too. I don't have to be perfect. Logically I can see this but it doesn't make my critic be quiet!

So I have to remind myself of the shades of grey...

Let the critic say as she will. Smile and nod and say thanks for that opinion. Then throw the hurt in the bin and just keep trying.

It was your thread that asked us to remember a compliment. I choose to remember the opinion of my 3 year old. She's honest. She told me...

Sometimes I don't like you Mummy but most of the time I like you. But guess what? I love you.

Take that critic perfectionist and smoke it 😂

How are you doing Quirky?

❤ Nat

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Nat, my mum used to say I may not like what you do ut I will always love you- distinguishing the person from the behaviour.

Thanks for your comment.

I want to ban words like

hopeless, stupid, failure and worthless.

To me they are more damaging than any swear words.

Not a failure, I may have messed up today, or spilled the coffee, or forgotten an appointment, but that just makes me human.

Even when low I challenge my absolute words- totally, always, , disaster , and substitute them with other more realisitic,

Inner critic can sulk in the corner with no dessert!

Quirky