Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and mmMekitty,

When I was growing up our local GP was a friend of the family but he also knew everyone in the neighbourhood - and this was in Sydney, but a fairly rural part (it's all high rise apartments now!).  Anyway he delivered me and all the babies there and he cared for us all as we grew up.  He worked terrible hours - I remember we were at his home for dinner one night (his wife and my mother were friends and I went to school with his daughter) - anyway the phone rang and it was the Sister from the little local village hospital where we were all delivered saying a woman was in labour and he had to come over,  His wife put his roast dinner in the oven and when he finally came back a couple of hours later looking very tired and hungry, he had a very dried up roast in the oven for his dinner! 

I think it must have been very satisfying but he sure worked long hours and didn't get a lot of free time.  

It's interesting we have no television here, the rooftop antenna has broken and Community Housing is still deciding whether they are going to pay for a replacement part and they don't know when we will have TV access again.  It's not real good when we are paying rent for these things and that has just gone up forty dollars a fortnight more.  However I am loving it - the evenings are peaceful, I have a cd player so I play music and work on the computer (and people can watch stuff on their laptops) and I can play a DVD on the TV - they are free to borrow from the library, I have got some great nature documentaries.  Everyone is going nuts as they don't know what to do with themselves!  I like to read as well but I guess most people want the television, although I don't see much on it I really like anyway.

So I am enjoying myself but all the neighbours are very cross!

Paws, that is an excellent point about picking up the doggie - little Sam was easy for me to pick up if I needed to, but a medium size dog is more difficult.  Another thing to think about!  

I got my hair cut today and the hairdresser is very good but he never stops talking, I end up almost exhausted!  He is known for how much he goes on... I think he might have got that way from his job - he natters endlessly while cutting people's hair.  It was so hot today all I wanted to do was get it done and get home and relax!

I hope everyone is keeping OK in this hot weather!

[Hanna3]

Thanks Paws.  I'm really wondering if a smaller dog is better for me - as you said, being able to pick the dog up is very useful at times!  My friend the dog groomer here used to be a microbiologist but didn't like it and wemt into dog grooming - she researched the pedigree lineeage of her golden retriever very carefully and she still got a dog that was chronically terribly sick and eventually had to be put down.  So there's no guarantee, as you said.

So I'm still umming and aahing about another shitzu-maltese or poodle cross - there was a woman with a poodle-cross (or miniature poodle cross) the other day and it seemed a sweet dog and not too big.  Anyway I am still considering it all!

The heat here has been really bad.  I wonder what it's like down your way?

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty, Hanna,

As a child growing up we had the old school family doctor, I found a new doctor when I was in my 20s & he was my doctor for nearly 20 years. Though I rarely went to the doctor over that time, I think I stayed with him because he was in walking distance of my place & bulk billed. When I came out of the psych hospital the psych nurse put me in tough with a great doctor, I wish I could have brought that doctor with me when I moved here.

Hanna I haven't been to a hairdresser for must be nearly 30 years, I have such very fine, straight hair that doesn't grow very much, so I cut it myself and keep it about shoulder length to wear it up. 

After a couple of hot days on the mid 30s earlier this week, the last few days been much cooler here. I'm sorry to hear you are where it is so hot, from the reports on the news it sounds unbearable. 

mmMekitty I saw elsewhere that you have a new hearing aid... it does sound very high tech working with your phone... the ones I've seen are so small these days, how do you go with taking it in & out or does it stay in permantly? 

I'm starting to lean more for towards getting a Field Spaniel over an Irish Setter. But as I won't be making any decisions before next year, that will probably change as I yo yo back & forth. 

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Hello Paws & everyone

Yes, indeed, I did get a hearing aid, to match the one in my right ear. No, they are not kept in permanently. I am able to put them in easily eanough. I simply orientate the hearing aid the same one orientates ear buds or plugs, then, maybe a little adjustmen, ensuring the part that goves over & a little way behind the ear is in place, too, & then I close up the battery compartment & it switches on.

Changing the batteries when necessary, I only have to make sure I insert it into place the right way up. If I dont' the compartment won't close.

One I had a few years ago had a filter that needed changing. I found that very difficult. Fortunately, these do not have the filter those did. 

Unfortunately, it does feel as if the new aid in my left ear will need to be reshaped, because I'm feeling some pressure & it's uncomfortable, even for a few hours. If I was to wear it for 5-6 hours it gets to feeling sore.

*

Had a storm this afternoon - thunder, maybe hail, (I'm not sure), lots of wind & rain for sure, but I don't think the area where I live copped it the worst. & now, the rain is still falling, less dramatically & less windy, but I'm feeling very sticky with the warm temperature & humidity. I feel I need a shower before bed.

:Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

That's good news you've got a new hearing aid mmMekitty - I have an elderly friend in the city who has them but she takes them out as much as possible and uses them mostly for phone calls, when she finds it difficult to hear what people are saying.

I don't know much about field setters Paws, I guess they are a hunting dog?  It hasn't been as hot here as Sydney - my friends there have been getting temperatures in the early 40s which sounds horrendous.  There is at least a sea breeze here which does help.  Inland is getting in the forties.  

Had a nice outing with a friend at an outdoor cafe this morning - hunkering in for the afternoon which was warm and muggy.  Hope everyone has a good evening!

[mmMekitty]

Thanks Quirky. I am trying to wear them at home, to help me understand what my text-speech reader is saying, what my tv is saying, & to help when the audiobook recording is less than ideal, but I really don't want to because I don't want to hear other noises any more than I already do - especially my neighbours.

In order to really properly adjust to how the world sounds with hearing aids, it is recommended that hearing aids are used as much as possible. Now I have evidence that the hearing in my left ear has declined as much as it has, which is why she said I could definitely benefit from having it now, so I am trying more to adjust to using them, & getting to the way things sound - sometimes so clacky (keyboard) or close, like the ceiling fan on #2 setting, which has a ticking sound because the blades don't revolve quite smoothly, I guess, or how loud the thunderstorm was yesterday, in particular, (very loud), & I'm not sure I was hearing hail or not, because it all sounds more staccato, & sharper. Many things sound sharper. I tell myself, patience, mmMekitty, you are still getting used to it all again.

It's kinda like getting a new diagnosis - you need to sit with it & take it in, & begin to understand what it means, how it may change your life & how you live your life. No different, I imagine, to being diagnosed with any mental health condition or other chronic physical condition.

I've been relying on my left ear to carry the load, but now that is not as sure a way to live, not since realising I have hearing loss in both ears.

Again, I am wondering, how do I make sure this does not cause a negative effect upon how I feel about myself.

To relate this to Paw's thread, I am feeling the goal posts have moved again & I am thinking about how I am going to respond to the change.

Otherwise, I ought to be posting this in my own thread, eh? I hope you don't mind, Paws. I will make a copy just in case you do.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty,

Of course I don't mind... I'm happy people feel comfortable posting what is on their mind here... it doesn't have to relate to my thread title... 

Lass I would hope you wouldn't feel any negativity about wearing hearing aids... I think of it as a positive thing that you manage your health in a supportive & practical way. I wear glasses & have done since my early 20's, I decided in my late 50's that as I was struggling with being steady on my feet, whether walking or standing for some time, that it was time to use a walking stick. Of course I would rather not have too, but I will use whatever aids modern life gives us to help me manage my life. I don't see it as anything different to taking medications to manage my health.  

It will take time to adjust to hearing so much more than you have been accustomed too. I'm still trying to adjust to having no Woofa noises in the house & only now realising just how many unidentifiable noises there are here. Even expected sounds like the water pump kicking in now seem much louder, which I know is just my being so much more aware of sounds now I'm alone here. Rather than just being more aware like me, you are actually hearing more sounds, that must be unsettling. 

I hope the audiologist can fit you in soon to do the adjustments you need.

Hugs

Paws

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty,

I'm sorry about my last post to you.

I didn't mean to sound so insensitive to how having your hearing deteriorate is a difficult thing for you to deal with on top of your failing eyes & other health issues. 

What I was trying to say is, whilst it is perfectly natural for you to be thinking how this will affect you long term & of course being human to think of worse case scenarios, please try to let the future be & instead focus on the here & now with all the positive things you can & are doing to deal with all your health issues.

Biggest of hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and everyone 

My computer is down and only have the phone which is difficult so apologies I can't post much for a while. 

[mmMekitty]

Hello Paws

Don't fret. I understand what you were saying. I understand it takes time to adjust to changes, even if the change in my hearing has been ongoing for a long time, when presented with the facts, & the recommendation to have two hearing aids - it feels for real, now, When I last had two hearing aids, both my ears were mildly impaired, with my right being the worse, which I already knew ... but I was had understood my hearing wasn't really all that bad, not severe, not then, so I didn't take it so seriously.

Now, I know my right ear is hearing so little, definitely a severe hearing loss, & my left is moderate to severe, & I had that day last October when the hearing temporarily seemed nearly as bad as my right, & that scared me, so now I feel I need to take this more seriously, really try to get used using the hearing aids.

However, for most of my life, I feel I have been sensitive to loud sounds. I find loud noises irritating, agrivating, & the very loudest noises rather frightening. Sudden loud noises startle me making me feel about to panic. If I register what the noise it, & it doesn't increase or stops quickly, it's alright. I can even startle myself if I accidently make a loud noise,knocking something over, for example.

When loud noises continue, they get on my nerves.

Noises, for me, feel intrusive, too, like they are altogether too close & therefore, feel threatening.

I've had glasses since I was 2yrs old, with bifocal lenses. But now I can't read print anymore even with bifocal lenses, I don't bother, but still wear glasses, just because I'm used to them keeping much of the wind out of my eyes.

I do get tired of 'losing' things I once had, though. 

Hanna, hope we'll hear from you again, soon. 

Hugzies 

mmMekitty