Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[demonblaster]

Hey there our dear friend Pawsy 🐾 hi everyone ☺

Ahh darl you're having a rough time aren't you.
Feel this warm comforting hug 🤗 and breathe deeply with me hun 5 times.

Think of nothing except the fresh good air...going in... filling our lungs...then gently exhale feeling all the pent up stress and rubbish going out and away.

In with the flowers...out with the weeds

I know how it feels Pawsy and way too many others too know how incredibly hard it is when it all avalanches.
So much pain angst stress anxiety bombarding thoughts carrying so much pain eh.

Pawsy love. Trust this...the most important thing at this time is NOT to allow any further thought regarding suicide.

We follow the trend of our thoughts especially when we're in depression which contributes to tiredness adding untold stress anxiety fear and weakens us.

Can you get out of the house with Woofa no matter how much you don't want to ... even just for a few steps walk outside and look around hun.

Your poor mind needs a break even for a few minutes.

Movement creates energy.
We need it to think further than our initial reaction to a thought. To reason with ourselves.

Sweets no matter how hard dear friend please look out for yourself like our lovely Hannah suggested.

They're good Pawsy, tell them you can't word it which btw you did a sterling job of here.

1300 22 4636

Or Copy and paste an email or a chat online.

You can access all this at the bottom L) of the page in Red.

You can get through this darls. Tell yourself firmly, get mad at being down.
Draw on that energy to pull out.

Hold on Pawsy 🤗 the good people have to win.
You'll be looking back on this like you have in the past.

Always with you hun
love and care ⚘

[Paw Prints]

Hello Everyone,

It has been feeling like everything that can go wrong lately has been going wrong... then today out of the blue something lovely happened... my young neighbour called in to tell me he had bought the paddock I see from my lounge window & to expect to see them doing work there.... he then offered to mow my verges & spray the blackberries when he did his verge... plus he has offered to put cows in my paddock to keep the grass down... his timing is perfect as I was going to ring the chap I usually get to mow them next week.

Of course there was the not so good part... I didn't realise until I went to the loo later that I had forgotten to brush my hair when I got up... so I was standing there talking to him with messy just out of bed hair... how embarrassing!!!.

I've been doing jigsaws the last few days as a way to help settle my thoughts & ground myself... it is helping a bit I think...

I'm so tired & lacking oomph... I'm sure that is my body is telling me I do need to work on eating something that is even vaguely nutritious other than just breakfast... I know I have to push myself to do better... no one else can do it for me... I've been reminding myself of this every time my thoughts start going to dark places...

I've been tossing up whether setting myself the goal of having to post each day one useful/practical thing I have achieved for that day would be good motivation or just add to my stress/failure levels... I think I will give it a try... it won't include getting up, getting dressed, feeding the dog, or having breakfast as I do achieve these anyway... now I have to do something for today...hmmm

hugs to everyone

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hi everyone ☺

Pawsy you're a champion. You're digging deep and not doing as beasty wants. Loving it seriously.

So so cool about the neighbour what a boom. He sounds like a decent fella offering those things for the lawns wow and how lovely to have some cows doin their bit. They're cruisy I like them.

Not sure if I told you we saw 3 I think guessing maybe Mum Aunty and daughter playing it was so neat. They'd bang into eachother playfully then little runs with youngy as they do with boundless energy little jumps. Fantastic memory.

I'll bbl hopefully pretty soon lovely you're amongst some including at mine that I'm 3/4's through posts and intend to follow through.

Really liking a post a day for achievements. What a great motivator idea.

I too have some goals that are seeming more achievable these days that I want to stop procrastinating on and get some action. Be yakking on that sometime soon at mine.

Power to you friend. You got this Pawsy ✊ (air pump with hand)

I've been quite worried about you. You're a survivor clearly.

Thanks for your always very supportive post and think I forgot to thank you for a previous one. I do mean it I really like what and how you say things ☺

Later darls 🤗🐾🌱🐅 new beginnings

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and everyone

Sorry I have had a lot going on the last few days and haven't been able to be here much.

Paws how terrific you've got a nice helpful neighbour at long last! Doesn't that make such a difference! I'm thrilled for you.

I think it's great to try for one little achievement each day even if it is something tiny. Often when you do one thing it spurs you on to do another.

I'm cleaning out my fridge like this - I take out and wash and replace one shelf or tray at a time.

It's cloudy here today I think we're going to have muggy weather which I don't like for much of the week.

I've got to go out and buy a new oscillating fan, how unexciting but necessary!

Hugs and pats to Woofa 💟🐮🙂🐕💞🏡🐀🐈

[demonblaster]

Hey there Pawsy hun 🐾

☺ Just popping in to see how your going lovey you're in my thoughts as you are anyway

As always here there's no pressure to reply. I know it can be so hard to talk in dark times.

How bout we grab a that comfy seat over there. I thought we could share a thermos of this comfort drink.

It's a gooden darl you'll like it. it's loaded with nourishing mental and physical vitamins & minerals

Here's the recipe in case I forget...


• Laughter - 😂 for releasing stress

• Warmth - 🔥 for feeling secure

• Smiles - ☺ that create feel good chemicals

• Relaxation - to choof pain off...go on... shoo

• Calmness - helping you through letting you breathe

• Security - knowing you're not alone

• Oxygen - our bodies need

• Belief - that you can get through

• Time - That'll bring on change (has already...boomer)

• Care - from your many friends

• An Ear - 👂 for us to listen with

• Eyes - 👀 so we can check on you

• Hugs - 🤗 reaching your soul

• Energy - ⚡ to keep going

• Motivation - 🚶🏼‍♀️ to gently push through

• Support - Always

• Appreciation - felt for you

• Friendship - lasting

• Love - 💗 you've earnt being you

• Peace - 🕊 our ultimate goal

Started this a couple plus days ago Pawsy when you were and I imagine still feeling wrung out. Arm around shoulder.

Loven what times done for you 🤗🐾☀️ and as a result of you digging deep. Seriously good huns 😊. Power on Pawsy 👍

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, Hanna, Deebi and everyone...🤗..

I am so so very happy that your new young neighbour seems like he will be helpful for helping to keep your paddocks mowed by offering you some cows to munch on your grass.....how beautiful and calming it will be for you to be able to watch the cows and there antics.....,,,I do hope you take him up on that offer...how lovely and caring he sounds....

Oh my dear friend, that’s okay about your hair...Please don’t be embarrassed about it...I sometimes don’t comb my hair for days..I tie it in a bun and their it stays....😁..

Motivation is hard Paws....I bought a jig saw puzzle a couple of weeks ago, with big dreams of completing it.,,it is still sitting on my table unopened.I think anyone that can complete a jig saw puzzle is an amazing person..

Paws a quick healthy meal I like is 2 minute noodles, made to directions and chuck a cup of zapped up frozen mixed vegetables in it....Its my go to when I can’t be bothered to cook....Maybe you can try that a few nights a week....to get your veggies into you...

We are here for you lovely lady, to help support you through this rough patch...we care a great lot about you...you are an important part of our lives, and we want the best for you..

One small achievement each day is great...but please Paws, don’t be hard at all on yourself if it’s not achievable...we can only do each day what we are capable of doing, mental health does make it much harder then people who’s mental health is healthy....

My love, care with some hugs...💜🦋🤗..To you and your wonderful Woofa..

Grandy.,

[Paw Prints]

Thank you lovelies for all your support... having such a wonderful cheer squad makes me feel a bit swish...

I wish I could report that I've managed to do one useful thing each day... I see it was a week ago I said I would give it a go... well in the past 6 days I've only managed picking up landmines left by his Woofiness on Wed & to drive to the shop to get milk today... so not great.

I'm not giving up on trying to do at least one useful thing each day... however small... I so much want to break out of the path beasty wants me to go down & instead find my own new paths... so quoting what that famous little engine said... "I think I can... I think I can... I think I can"... will be my mantra until I can do.

Well it's after 3:30am as I type this & one of the new paths I'm trying to forge is having a healthy, regular bedtime & getting up time... obviously not working tonight... my mind is going in circles... full of what I know are idiotic thoughts... I need to mow my yard (the neighbour is taking care of my paddock & verge)... to do that I need to charge the flat battery in my mower... I have bought the charger (weeks ago),,, I have asked Geoff on the Home Improvements thread about using it.... I have googled how to use it... I know it is simple to use... yet my thoughts keep running to what might go wrong... even to the ridiculous notion that it will go so wrong it will cause a fire... see I know the thought is silly... yet the sense of fear it creates feels so very real & I'm struggling to put the fear to one side & just get on with it...

I hate this struggling with what are basic things normal people do... I hate the fears my mind creates... I hate living like this...

Deebi I'm going to sit here a bit longer & sip away at that marvellous drink you made me... as it seems to have everything I need to take my next small step

Hugs to you all

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws

I'm sorry you're having such a struggle. Getting to sleep earlier might be a good thing to aim at.

Can you just try to do one small thing, no matter how small? It would give you a sense of achievement and that might help.

Can you make yourself charge the battery despite your anxiety? That might help you realise these thoughts you keep having are wrong and you can do more than you think?

What things help to lift your spirits?

We are inundated with people from the city here today, it's impossible to even park anywhere.

The pedestal fan I bought was a terrific help last night Sam slept right through with a soft breeze ruffling his ears.

Hugs from him and me! 🙂🐕💞🐦🌿🐥🐮💟

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws...Waves to Hanna, Deebi and everyone..

Its okay Dear Paws, if you don’t meet your daily target of one small achievement each day....Please try hard not to be so hard on yourself...When your feeling up to it..is good enough dear lady...We can only do our best each day...that’s all we can do....

Our thoughts are so very real to us and they seem to dictate what we can or can’t do, what we are afraid of and all sorts of things that we believe, even though some we know are not realistic....We try telling our brain that but it doesn’t listen to us....Yet our brains and thoughts are supposed to be controlled by us, after all we should be in control of everything we tell our body to do...so why not our thoughts..hmmm..I guess if we knew why...no one would have mh illnesses..

I’m just wondering if the nice young man who bought the paddocks behind you or the neighbour across from you that mowed your lawn could help to teach you a bit about your ride on....so your not so anxious about using it....even if you just re charge the battery for it and as our lovely Hanna suggested, when you feel up to it...then the mower is ready...

I am sorry that you’ve been struggling so much lately Paws...don’t push yourself to much...you can only do....what you can do....when your ready to do it....

Love with some warm hugs...💜🤗..

Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Paws, I find part of the problem is you don't have any visitors so you can let the house go, and the more you let the house go, the more you have no visitors because you're embarrassed about the house! That's what happens to me at least.

Yesterday was busy so today I've been taking it easy and then decided I'd been sitting too much, so I have cleaned out two kitchen cupboards, cleaned them, thrown stuff in the garbage and put what I'm keeping back in the cupboards. It didn't take long and now I have two clean and neat cupboards in the kitchen.

It feels good!

This is how I try to do it. I don't know if this helps, but I feel better when I get even a little bit done.

It's OK if you're really not up to it.

Hugs. 💗