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Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?
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Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.
Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.
My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.
A number of events in
my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I
needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis
of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each
day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my
siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still
don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving
goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years
ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I
couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my
down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was
fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that
things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the
everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog &
maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.
Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my
post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.
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Hey our lovely Pawsy 🐾 and lovely people
Darl I just wanted to join your many caring friends to hold your hand give you hugs and strength in hard times.
I think you're great how you're tackling your emotions you're giving logical thought and following other ways well done its hard having lateral thought under stress.
Gorgeous the prezzy.
Take good care dear Pawsy you're very appreciated and loved hun ☺🐾🐶🕊🌞🤗💗
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Hi Paws dearest lady,
I'm sorry I haven't been here until now and I find you feeling really down and alone! I've been at music and walking Sam so I'm home quite late.
I don't know how long you have been here. Paws what has started this, do you know? Is it your relative who is sick or other things, or both?
I'm so sorry you're feeling down. I wish I was there to give you a big hug and sit down with you and have a cuppa with you and just talk.
What can we do here to help you? Can you tell us more about what's wrong?
You're always supporting other people you're so kind and caring... What can we give you back?
I'm sending you big comforting hugs and little Sam would curl up in your lap and lick your face...
Can you hug Woofa? Tell us what's wrong?
Please don't be too sad, so many people here care about you!
I'll check back later but I'm here with you in spirit.. You have friends here dear one!
Hugs hug hug
💞💟🐕🐶🌹💐💮🌻
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Hello Deebi, Hanna,
Thank you both.
It's my thoughts have been going into some very dark places... I don't feel I can be clearer as I worry it might be triggering for some people...
I am safe... just finding everything far too tiring
Paws
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Hi Paws
I haven't been able to get onto BB since yesterday evening for some reason.
I'm sorry your thoughts have gone dark. I wonder what's started this off?
Tell these yukky thoughts to go away and leave you alone!
Put your arms around Woofa and cuddle him. Dogs are wonderful!
I will pop by whenever I can.
Hugs hugs 💟🐕🌻🌼🐶🦢
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Ahh Pawsy 🐾 I figure you're in need of a good hug lovey 🤗
It's so incredibly hard to manage thoughts well it's our emotional reactions to them that affects us. A thought alone can't hurt us.
When we can master where we want our thoughts going our lives will be easier. I believe we can do this with time and practise.
I learnt through mindspot when there's awful thoughts pulling us down to question them. Try to keep calm and not allow stress to take over helps no end because it blocks other thought. Breathe through it all hun.
Is a thought likely to happen is one of the things I remember. If it does we'll have to manage it at the time helps me in these times so I can let it rest at least until the next nag 😯
Thinking further on negatives can lead to our minds exploring other possibilities hence ways potentially of overcoming or maybe solving.
Dear Paws these times eventually usually pass. We're always looking back. Time carries us to new.
I know tho darl how it feels like it won't change eh. Because we're so aware of feeling so bad time appears to still.
Darls it's thoughtful and considerate to think of peoples feelings. What you can do before you post ...put up a trigger warning & maybe what it's concerning so people can choose to read or not.
If you're up to opening up we're always here for you huns listening and we care ⚘
It's horrible isn't it. Feels like you're in this alone. Know it lovey you're not. You amongst friends that not only get it but want to support you.
Lean on us through this pet 🤗☺🐾🐕🕊💗👀
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Hello Dear Paws,
Thats not good...I’m really sorry that your thoughts are going into a dark place....
Please Dear Paws..try hard to distract them if you can..I know how hard that can be...maybe your beautiful Woofa can help you do that....Big cuddles like Hanna has said..playing some games with Woofa, listening to favourite music that you like...Geez it’s hard isn’t it to get out of our head sometimes....My Psychiatrist told me when I get triggered into dark thoughts, to go outside and have a walk around my backyard with my phone and look for something’s that I can take a picture or video of...I did that once and videoed some ants scurrying around, it helped to distract my thoughts because the ants started to fascinate me....
Please be safe lovely lady..and talk here as much as you feel up to it...we care and want to try to support you through this rough patch your going through...You are very important to all of us here...
Sending you my love, with some big huggly huggle hugs..
Grandy..
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Hi Paws and everyone
Just popping by to see if you are OK. It's very warm where I am. Hope you're going OK, hugs 🌻🐕
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Hi lovely Paws
Sorry to hear things are tiring. Is it bad dreams still or bad thoughts while awake? If so, is it possible to challenge them?
I was thinking earlier about triggering talk. That is a risk, yes, but here on BB is also the place for it if you did want to share. We’re here for you.
Sending you much kindness x
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Hello Hanna, Grandy, Deebi, Katy,
Yes the bad dreams are continuing... as is the s.i.
I'm struggling to put the words in a way that explains what is wrong... more disconnected thoughts than bad thoughts while awake... I feel blocked off from everything in r/l... my thoughts switch off... I try to push past... so tiring... avoid going to bed... avoid getting up... like the song says I look but I don't see... I don't act... I know this but there is a block between...
thank you all for the lovely support
Paws
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Hi Paws
Would you ring a helpine and talk to someone about these bad dreams and feelings?
Can you find anything to distract you from them?
I wish there was someone you could talk to dear lady.
This will pass, you just have to hang on until your brain gets tired of these feelings and they ease up...
You know you have friends here who are coming by to see how you are and who care about you.
How is Woofa while this is happening, he must be sad?
Hugs from me and little Sam and I'll come by tomorrow sorry I've been out until late tonight and just popped by quickly to check on you!
🦢🐶🚶♀️🗻🐮🐀🐈💟