Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all here

Gosh it's mid-afternoon and I'm not long home - what a day!  I had several errands to run and then had to get some door draft liner from the hardware as one of my doors lets in gusts of cold air which is not OK when the cold weather sets in later this week... I still have to put it on the door frame - then I drove to the next country town in the hope that one of the op shops there had a cane basket of some kind as kitty seems to adore sleeping in these - they had several lovely ones that would be perfect but they were not for sale, rats.  However the drive out there is very pretty, you go over a bridge over a river and it's surrounded by rolling green hills with cows gracing and little old weatherboard country cottages - I love it except for the hot climate.  Several of the elderly ladies in the Op Shop were saying how wonderful the weather is in this part of the world while I was positively dripping with the humidity - give me cold weather any day!  I do notice how most of the older people here dislike the cold whereas I enjoy cold weather as long as I can rug up and go for a good walk.

Anyway, the town and local area is stunningly pretty.

We are in for a huge storm later today, it already looks to be building up I can see the clouds out the window.  The Attenborough BBC documentaries are fabulous but I can understand you not wanting to watch some parts - at times the animal world is pretty ruthless - it helps me to remember that nothing with animals is done with malicious intent, it's just instinct - it looks worse to us I think.  It's good that you feel for the creatures though - nature is harsh at times.  We have a pee wee bird here that goes past the door at the same time each day and kitty is desperate to eat it - he sits at the door poised to jump - it's just instinct but I'm glad he can't catch the bird.

I am learning the lyrics to a lovely old Scottish ballad I heard on a CD called Wild Mountain Thyme - kitty loves it when I sing it but I keep forgetting the lyrics although they're not difficult.  I have Scottish roots so I tend to love Scottish songs - when I went to Scotland long ago I loved that on Sundays going to church the men all wore kilts - they didn't seem to wear them much otherwise, but I liked that one day of the week they wore traditional dress - they looked smart with the long socks with a dagger down the sock of one leg!

I had a book out of the library entitled Awe but now I can't remember what it talked about, it was some time ago.  I used to get that feeling driving out west - I'd stop the car and gaze at the rolling hills in the late sunlight and think how magnificent it was.  I think it's good to take time to soak in how wonderful this planet is and how amazing it is to be alive and experience it and the beauty of it.  I had a favourite spot I used to turn off the road and look out over rolling hills as far as I could see in all directions - and not a soul around, just peaceful with maybe the wind blowing.  Gorgeous.

I also remember sitting in a park with my dog one day and a lovely elderly gentleman came by with a walking stick who asked me directions about something - well we got talking and turned out he used to go to the cathedral where i used to sing in a choir ages ago.  So we got talking about music - and also he was a keen nature photographer so we talked about that - and we got onto so many different subjects we ended up sitting in the shade under the lovely old trees and talking for a couple of hours.  He took a photograph and me with little Sam as he said out meeting and chat had been a highlight of his trip there - he was from the city and his son was severely disabled at at a camp for a couple of days, and he was staying in a motel until he could drive his son back to where he lived.  I look back and am always a bit sorry we didn't swap phone numbers or addresses, but I do remember it as a kind of meeting of souls - which he felt as well.  He was very old and walked carefully with his walking stick and his expensive-looking camera around his neck and was an amazing man.  I think we need to cherish memories like that.  I sang in a cathedral choir when I belonged to a Welsh choir and some of us went to make up numbers in the choir of a nearby cathedral - we used to sing at the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day services, it was a lot of fun - and hard work as rehearsals went every week for months.  

The days are shortening, it's already getting quite like dusk - I got home late today after running around and driving to the other town.  It's nice to leave the seaside though and drive inland to the hills and cows for a change!

[Hanna3]

ER - I meant to say, about the monkeys - I belong to an online group that reports cruelty issues to Google/Utube and I've learnt quite a bit belonging to it - monkeys are interesting, they are very hierarchical and for example, must be fed in the correct order or fights break out.  There is a woman who often feeds them at Angkor Wat on Utube - she is recognizable because she is mostly pregnant - she is notorious for deliberately feeding the monkeys out of order so as to cause fights (which are good for viewing numbers).  She is also known for feeding them milk laced with Ketamine - a sedative drug.  We call her Ketamine Barbie.  She is infamous.  It's a shame as otherwise, without her deliberate interference, the monkeys would not be fighting so much over their social order.  

The best channels for watching monkeys are the Vervet Monkey Foundation and Arroz Morrisco, The Story so Far.  He films at Monkey Hill in Hong Kong.  

Paws how is your sister, I hope you are OK too.  I hope you are managing OK - and also warmest wishes to Paul.

[Hanna3]

I should have added - if you like really cute videos you could try the Orangutan Jungle School on Utube, which is gorgeous - and two channels who do lovely short videos of primates in various zoos (but they film very sensitively) are Slogger Vlogger and Ape Tracker on Utube.

These are all lovely channels that are informative but very enjoyable to watch!

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Hanna,

I've stayed up much too late so I will read through your messages properly tomorrow. But I can see the last one about the Orangutan Jungle School. I'm sure I would love that. I love orangutans. I've seen some beautiful gorilla videos on YouTube. There is a lovely one of actor Robin Williams meeting Koko the gorilla actually which captures some beautiful moments.

Hugs and buy for now,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and all,

The Jungle School, Ape Tracker and Slogger Vloggger are great channels to watch if you're ever feeling down!  The episode in the Orangutan jungle school where they show the baby orangs why they should be afraid of snakes is just gorgeous! 

Ape Tracker and Slogger Vlogger tend to follow a few mums and their babies at several zoos - you get to know them - you will love the Orangutan mum Jazz, who is looking after both her baby and her daughter's baby as her daughter was too young and couldn't cope with motherhood - Jazz is the most amazing Mum!  You also will get to know baby Hilda, who must be the cutest Urangutan baby ever - love her hair!  Honestly if I am feeling down I can go to these channels and regain my faith in the world!

[Eagle Ray]

Hanna, that sounds beautiful. I will definitely look at these soon. It is so wonderful to have those go to things when feeling down that you know will lift you.

I’m having a challenging time with my persistent cough and congestion which I’ve realised now is not so much from having Covid (though that probably made it worse) but a histamine intolerance reaction likely caused by some medication I’m on. The medication is really profoundly helping me in other ways so I’m researching a solution and will contact my specialist today for advice.

I enjoyed reading about the elderly man you met in the park. I think it is true that we have those meeting of souls with certain people and it is really lovely and heart-warming when it happens.

The drive through the countryside you described sounds so lovely. It’s good you have some green in the hills. Here the paddocks are all brown. I drove past a valley yesterday and for the first time ever I noticed the cows in it are really struggling. It is no doubt a lack of good feed and their usual grass source has gone. That valley usually remains green but has turned brown. I could see the ribs of the cattle and I’ve never seen them like that. I think even with the supplementary feed they usually get over the summer they are struggling with the conditions. The dam level has dropped to very low and I saw the cattle were standing in it, like they were desperate for the water and cooling down. I have also not seen that before. I really hope soon we can have some rain that will help restore the environment which will benefit everyone. Last year I did two trips inland for a few days and I really enjoyed driving through what were then rolling green hills that I know will be brown now. When I got to the wheatbelt area it was drier but still with some winter green. There were fields of canola crops too that bring that stunning yellow into the landscape.

It is clear blue skies again today. I have quite a few tasks set for today and the rest of the week, so I’ll have some lunch now and get stuck into them. I hope you and Brucie are having a wonderful day and anyone else reading too.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, ER, wave to everyone,

Hanna like ER I loved your story about having an interesting long chat with the elderly man in the park.  It is wonderful to find that affinity with a stranger.  The weird thing with me is I very very rarely talk to strangers here in Australia, but when I travelled overseas I was far more comfortable doing so & had some lovely chats.  

ER you could have been describing my local area with your description of how dry your area looks.  Today we had a a very short (10 minutes) lightly drizzily shower that barely settled the dust.  I hope we both get some good soaking rain this Autumn.

ER please get your cough checked out, even if you think it is a reaction.  If it has lasted a long time it would be a good idea to ask for a chest xray just to clear any other cause.  Yes this is a Paws with her mother hen hat on suggestion. 

While I love living in the country, sometimes reading about all the things you both watch on line makes me wish I was back in town or at least not in a grey spot & I could watch them too.  

I'm hoping to visit my sister on Friday if she still feels up to it.  It will have to be a short visit as that is all she can manage.

Hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hi Pawsy 🐾 and everyone 😊

Just wanted to drop in and say a couple of things our dear Pawsy.

These days I intermittently read some posts from some of the good people here that I’ve grown to care very much about including you 🙂

So sorry hearing about your sister hun. Very sad. I hope the visit goes as well as it can under such hard circumstances. 
I dearly hope you’re coping as well as possible. 

Take good care hun, you’re very appreciated I’m sure in rl and definitely here. It’s good knowing you.

Hugs with warmth and care lovey 💗 often thoughts. 

Nigh nite all sleep well 🕊️

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws, Hanna, demonblaster and all,

I’m glad you may be able to visit your sister on Friday Paws. It’s been a lot to take in in a short time. You are such a kind person and I’m sure you are a meaningful, loving presence for her. Take good care of yourself too.

Yes hopefully some rain comes to each of our parts of Australia. I’ve been picking some lemons off my lemon tree and I’m finding they are covered in a film of dust as it has become so dusty here. I’ve been wishing I could get a giant watering can and tip it over the landscape.

Although you are in a grey spot with the internet Paws, I imagine there are some benefits to being out of town too, such as the peace and sense of space around you. It sounds like a subalpine environment from the cool temperatures you have described. The high country in eastern Australia is something I’d love to see. I’m guessing maybe you get a bit of snow sometimes?

It’s interesting about talking to strangers overseas compared to here. I think maybe we open up differently when in a totally different place, like everything is new and curious. Certainly when I have travelled I have had some lovely conversations with people and I think I was more socially interactive this way than when I’m in my home environment too.

Thank you re: the cough. I contacted the practice of the specialist I see yesterday to look into it.

Hanna I haven’t caught up with looking at those videos yet but I might look at an orangutan one today 🦧 Like gorillas they seem like gentle giants and they have the cutest babies too. And Paws, I’m going to read some more of Julia Baird’s articles too. She is onto something with the experience of awe.

I hope you all have a lovely day.

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and everyone here

We just had a massive thunderstorm here and a good lot of rain and the temperature has dropped noticeably.   ER I hope your cough is easing up and that you feel better.  Paws, I hope you have a good trip to see your sister on Friday, I think that is a big drive for you to do so be careful on the roads - and I am sure your sister will be very glad to see you, I'm sure she will be in need of support during this time.  Can you stay more than one day?

ER another channel you might enjoy when you feel up to watching, is the HERD elephant orphanage in Africa - an amazing woman started it and the elephants are just wonderful, I love watching them especially when they are having a swim at a waterhole!

Kitty has been going around meowing constantly and I think wants attention and more to do - but he won't play with any toys, I've tried hiding treats inside things and that doesn't work - he fell asleep on the bed during the storm and at least is having a good snooze.  I looked up reddit cats and others have the same problem, it's needing attention and more to do - I would love to be able to take him out on walks on a leash but I can't see that I will be able to train a 6 year old cat to do that.  I will be away most of tomorrow in the next very big town and I will try to look for something there that might amuse him for a while.

I'm surprised how dry it sounds where you are ER and Paws, we seem to be regularly doused with rain from storms here lately and everything is looking very green which is nice.

Yes I had a lovely chat with that man in the park - amazing he went to the cathedral I sang in - we got chatting because he was trying to find a camera store as one of the parts of his (expensive) camera had broken and I overhead his conversation on the phone and let him know there was no camera shop in that town and that he had to drive a long way to the next town higher up the alps  and after that we got talking.

I remember telling him about when I went to choir rehearsals, due to the train timetable I always arrived too early and used to sit in on the last Mass of the day in the cathedral.  Being last of the day it was very short and always run by an elderly, very kind, priest.  What I loved was that at that service all the local homeless people came into the church and participated in the service and they were very ragged and poor obviously.  Then after the mass was over they all prayed the Hail Mary, two rows at the front said one part and two rows at the back then chanted the second part - and they did this over and over and over, many on their knees.  It was intensely moving to see these people who had nothing, and probably many had MH or alcohol or drug or violence problems - all joining in this beautiful chanting.  I reckoned this was the best mass of the day - and I was not of that faith but it moved me immensely.

Paws, could you maybe try starting up a casual conversation with someone - you never know you you may meet who turns out to be a pleasant person to chat with, like the elderly man I got talking with.  The nice thing about a casual chat is that you can always use some excuse to move on and not stay talking.

I am in for a long day tomorrow so will be off now - I scored a DVD of several great sounding documentaries from a friend today and am looking forward to watching one tonight - it's wet and turned chilly and is perfect weather for staying on the couch under a throw rug with a hot mug of tea and something good to watch!

Wishing everyone a good evening and some soft pleasant rain!