Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

I did get out into nature today by going for another ocean swim. I stayed in quite a while. I had persistent histamine symptoms when I got in but by the time I came out they had diminished right down. So it definitely helps me. I think too there is an ongoing release after the session with my psych yesterday.

The feeling you don’t deserve care thing is tricky isn’t it. It’s not like something you can just turn off. I’m slowly valuing myself more. I think it’s easier when I think of my inner child and to protect and support her in the way I would treat any child. Thinking of my friend’s little girl helps as I feel so loving and protective towards her. She came up in the visualisations with my psych yesterday. My psych is trying to get me to really focus on myself. I repeatedly drift into worrying about others, including loved ones who have died, as if they’re still here. Like I haven’t let go of caring for everyone else.

I totally relate to the clutter. Your kitchen table sounds exactly like mine. I’ve had plans to clean it up for days but I feel I’m just getting through the basics of preparing meals and doing dishes. I’m making effort to go out into nature but I also find that takes a chunk of time and then I often need to rest or sleep on returning. But I’m trying not to be hard on myself and notice the things I have done and achieved. When I got home from the beach I was seeing how the rose bushes are flowering so lovely. I pruned them a little while ago and it’s led to a really nice growth. So I was able to think to myself I did something right. I sniffed them too - making effort to literally stop and smell the roses.

I’m glad you had that wonderful trip to Norway and met friendly people. I feel like meeting people travelling is one of the nicest things about going to new places. It’s a reminder of the common humanity we all share and it just feels good to connect with people.

A couple of nights ago I heard the possum galumphing over my roof at dusk as usual. I decided to go out and see if I could see him or her and as I stepped out I watched it climb from my garage roof into my lemon tree. The ones I get are the Western Ringtail Possum which is a vulnerable species. So I feel honoured to have them visit my garden. They have a white tip on their tail that makes them easily identifiable. I don’t often see them even though I hear them most nights.

Take care Paws and wishing you a happy day tomorrow.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

These days I do look back at how kind & friendly the people I met in my travels were & consider myself lucky to have travelled before mass tourism took off.   

Yay me!! I decluttered my couch... whoo hoo... It may be a very very very small achievement, but I'm counting it as a win.  Half the stuff on my kitchen table is things I mean to donate, but now it is mixed up with things I need to go through.  So today I set up a card table to put donation things on or under & set up other areas to sort the rest onto being initially keep, throw or shred.  I've even made a start putting things on the card table.  I've been reading decluttering tips from a group on facebook which I'm finding helpful as it is surprisingly friendly & helpful which is rare in a public facebook group.  

What colours are your roses?  I have quite a few shrub roses that the previous owners planted, one is a lovely apricot colour which always flowers well.  I've not dared to prune it in case I mess up.  

 Having how you care for your friends little girl as a guide to how to care for yourself is a good strategy.  Letting go of putting others before ourselves is hard.  I'm glad your psych is helping you work through this.

I hope you have more swimming weather

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Well done on the couch decluttering! I agree, every small achievement is a win. That sounds like a good idea getting tips from the Facebook group. It can all help with motivation and practical solutions. I reduced the stuff on my kitchen table by about two thirds today. I can see it now 😂 I may finish it tonight but I still have to do my dishes. I’ve had severe fatigue and slept the whole afternoon. It’s the type I get with the liver condition and it makes me feel very feverish as well. So I expect I may just get through the dishes but will see. I had planned to swim this afternoon but my body insisted on sleep. But the weather changed anyway and we’ve had misty rain.

The roses are a few different colours - yellow, red, pink and pink with peachy flecks. I think there are peachy ones too but weirdly can’t remember and it’s dark out there now. But can report later on any colours I’ve forgotten. This is the best I have seen them since being here. I’d always wanted a native garden but ended up in a place with mostly English garden plants. But they are lovely too and still attract birds.

When I get up in the mornings at the moment the King Skinks are sunbathing on the grass. I eat my breakfast close the screen door and the big fella who I’m sure is the full 55cm they can grow to goes right past the door. The other day I came home to find a Bobtail Lizard in the same spot (sometimes called Shinglebacks elsewhere). I love them. They were resident in our garden where I grew up. They are quite docile compared to the feisty King Skinks as well as being chunkier and slower moving.

My friend with the little girl sent me another real estate ad for her area tonight. I know my health literally improves around them and I need that human connection. At the same time when I was swimming in the beautiful ocean here yesterday where it is like a paradise really and not crowded like beaches in the city, I thought I would be crazy to leave. I know I won’t be able to live so close to the ocean in the city and will return to things like noise and crime. There is close to no crime in this town. My friend’s suburb which is also where I pet-sit is high crime. I’ve lived in such suburbs before and you do have a more hypervigilant mindset because of what’s happening around you. I am really torn, but I just have to go along slowly which is all my body is capable of and a sense of the right direction will hopefully emerge.

Today I saw the daughter of my lovely elderly former neighbour sorting things at her mum’s place which they are going to rent out. I went and asked if her mum would like a visit in the nursing home. She said her mum would love that and also said she’s settled in well at the nursing home which I was so happy to hear. So I will definitely be going to that town soon to visit her.

Wishing you a lovely weekend ahead Paws.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

That is good news your old neighbour has settled in well.  I do hope you feel well enough to visit her soon.

Your descriptions of where you live do make it sound so lovely.  I wonder if your friend with the baby might consider relocating to where you are, rather than you moving near her.  I think your area sounds perfect for a child to grow up in, with lots of interesting places to explore & learn.  Plus it has better weather & will continue to as WA dries out & the low crime is a definite bonus.  Perhaps look at some places near you she might like & give her the real estate ads.   Just a thought.

The only lizards I've seen here are the tiny skinks that are about the size of my little finger.  They used to drive Woofa crazy as they kept disappearing into one rock crack & popping out elsewhere.  He never did get even close to catching one.  I wonder if the snakes keep the larger lizards away.

Well I didn't start off with clearing the table, instead I dragged out all my travel photo albums & all the travel bumf I've held onto, like maps & tourist info guides.  It seemed a good place to start as I know I've not looked at any of it since I moved here 9 years ago so why hold onto it.  I spent a lovely few hours getting caught up reminiscing & in the end managed to throw it all except a good reference book on neolithic sites in the UK (which I bought here before travelling) & my learn to speak Welsh book.  It all went into my "throw Box"  which is now so heavy I can't pick it up.

I hope your fatigue has eased today & you feel brighter.  From what I saw on the news the south west corner of WA had rain today, fingers crossed it fell in your area & gave everything a much needed boost.  

Rest up lass

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Deviation to the travel items sounds like it was a good idea and you got to have those lovely memories. It makes sense to just sort of organically follow whatever feels right to sort through next. I think I have to do something similar. It’s really just about starting the process isn’t it. I always find the thought of things harder than the doing of it, so it’s getting myself to the starting line. I can’t remember if we discussed this before, but did you get to learn to speak Welsh? I remember you have Welsh ancestry like me. I find it fascinating to listen to and have sometimes just watched a clip of someone speaking it on YouTube. My ancestors would have spoken it and I wonder if we can have a sort of ancestral memory for language where we might pick it up faster if we tried to learn it.

Snakes could keep the larger lizards away. I’ve actually seen one of the local venomous snakes we get here, the Dugite, eat a Bobtail Lizard, slowly swallowed whole. The snake could barely move afterwards and slithered back into the bush at the speed of a snail. I know the King Skinks are prey for snakes too. Your description of Woofa with the skinks reminded me of a housemate’s dog being teased by mice. We had a bit of a mouse plague and her Husky/Kelpie cross would go bananas trying to get at a mouse behind the cupboard. The mouse would then reappear at the top of the cupboard and look down as if to say, “Ha ha, you can’t get me”.

I have thought of the idea of my friend coming here. However, she grew up in a country town and found it isolating and so prefers the city now. But she did say the increasingly hot summers are starting to get to her and she’s not keen on a future of even greater heat. So she has said more recently she has thought of being somewhere cooler. But her and her husband have jobs up there so they would have to want to leave those jobs and secure work here. It is much cooler here. I didn’t have to use my aircon once last summer, whereas I think in Perth my friend and to run it most of the time in summer, especially with a baby to keep cool. It really is a different climate here.

I’m thinking of going to stay in the town where my neighbour is in the nursing home for a couple of days. I think a change of scenery will be good. But I have to find somewhere I can cook my own food as I’m unable to eat bought food at the moment. The only way I can keep debilitating symptoms at bay is having the most restrictive low histamine diet. My safe foods are chicken (cooked fresh immediately), eggs, kale, broccoli, sweet potato, asparagus, onion, spring onion, quinoa and rice. I’m thinking of a caravan park or hostel where there is a kitchen, or a cheaper AirBNB if I can find one. It makes a huge difference to my quality of life when I stick to these foods. I’ve just been watching Alone Australia where they are surviving in the wilderness and I could relate to their search for nutrition from the small number of foods they could find. Though their dietary options are even more restrictive - wallaby, fish and eel were the things I saw them eat. They were lacking in options for greens.

My fatigue was better today until I went for a walk that was a bit long. I could feel it was a bit much. But I had a rest once home. On my walk I saw my namesake, an Eagle Ray, gliding along. They are relatively small compared with the big black Smooth Stingrays that also come into the estuary. There was rain last night, then overcast this morning but sunny this afternoon.

I hope you have a lovely, peaceful Sunday.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

When I was younger I found it fairly easy to learn languages, it was something I just seemed to have a knack for.  At school I learnt Swahili & French.  I did learn a little Welsh & have great memories of staying in small pubs & having the locals help & teach me more, amid lots of laughter & silliness.  I was actually better with speaking Norwegian, probably because I spent much more time there, but I still struggled with reading it.  Since my memory issues have worsened I can no longer speak any Swahili, Welsh, or Norwegian, though I do still have a very little French.  I've even been noticing that I'm losing words in English & struggling with spelling many of the ones I do still know.  

Spending a few days away when you go to visit your old neighbour sounds like a great idea as it gives you space to catch your breath between driving there & home.  It also gives you some new scenery to explore, which will be fun.  Definitely wise to stay somewhere that you can cook for yourself, hopefully you find a few places to choose between.   

I can't watch any of the "Alone" shows as I'm far too squeamish, just the promo's I've seen are enough to put me off.  I do wonder how the Australian one got around the laws prohibiting killing native wildlife or hunting/fishing in national parks (which is where I'm guessing they were situated).  Is it possible the wallabies were road kill?

I had one of those nights last night, where I was feeling really tired, went to bed... As soon as my head hit the pillow I'm wide awake... toss for a few hours... give up & get up... 10 minutes later... really tired, go to bed... I'm wide awake...&  round & round. This went on until about 9am this morning when I finally fell asleep, so I haven't managed anything today. Of course I will now be awake most of tonight, so I hope to get some more sorting done.  

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

That’s amazing you have learned all those languages. I remember you mentioning your interest in being a translator at one stage and it sounds like you would have been really skilled at that. But I do remember you mentioning the memory issues developing and making things more difficult. What a wonderful combination of languages to know. And how much fun to be learning with the locals in small pubs in Wales. That’s a lovely memory.

I can’t remember if you have had a diagnosis regarding the memory problems (sorry if you explained already) but I do remember you mentioning the epileptic turns (cannot remember the exact words you used) that you had in the past. It would be great to understand the mechanism of the memory issues and then have some things that help.

An interesting thing on my restrictive diet is I have found both my body and mind feel very clear, is the best way I can describe it. The histamine symptoms have been horrible, but them forcing me into a very basic whole food diet actually seems to be exactly what my body needed. It’s interesting that the veggies I can eat now are the ones I’ve been most drawn to over the last 3 years. I’ve just had to cut out various others. I have a book called Eat Like the Animals that I haven’t got to reading yet but it’s about how animals just instinctively know what to eat for maximum nutrition. It’s how they survive effectively in the wild. Humans, by contrast, have become disconnected from our bodies in this way and we’re often trying all the different latest diets, when we just might need to listen to what our bodies tell us like the animals do.

I can understand about the Alone shows. They were allowed to take specific animals such as the Pademelon wallabies because they are numerous. So they weren’t roadkill. They could take introduced species like deer. I don’t know if they were in a national park but if they were they must have had special permission for hunting/fishing. In the recent repeat of the one in Tasmania, Gina tackles a wallaby she encountered when she went out to pee at night. You don’t see her kill the wallaby, you just hear scuffling. But you do see her skin it and cook it. But she was so apologetic to the wallaby and stroked it after the kill and said, “you beautiful thing”. She was so at home in the wilderness and never saw herself as fighting it to survive but just moved intuitively with what was happening and had this peace about her.

I have had that feeling before of being so tired then going to bed and being wide awake. I’m in a bit of a similar pattern at the moment. I slept solidly again this afternoon which is not a choice, my body just goes down. But that does mean I am up late quite a bit and awake for hours at night sometimes. I think it makes sense if you can’t sleep for a long time to be up and doing something. I hope maybe you can do some sorting. I think the days I walk and swim it does help a bit for night sleeping. Do you find your mind is very active and thinking a lot?

I managed to tidy my lounge/dining area today and it really feels better. I still need to go over it with the vacuum tomorrow but just having the increased space and less chaos makes me feel like I’m getting somewhere. I’m accepting it is just small steps each day.

Take care Paws and I hope you may be able to get some sleep tonight 😴

Hugs,

ER

[Croix]

Dear Paws and ER~

I've not watched the Alone series either, too confronting I guess. As for paddy-melons my offspring used to bring orphaned ones home (we had a licence) and we kept them  while they were growing up before releasing htem an a National Parks special area.

They had cornered the market on cute, which button eyes, mobile ears and sleek soft fur. They held their little front paws folded in front of them and hopped around in a most engaging manner.

It was all an act, as they  grew they became aggressive and and picked fights with each other for no reason, with thumping, scratching and fur flying.

Their hind legs had the most effective long claws. I remember once taking one to the vet for an x-ray. We had to hold it down and by the time we got it back in its bag afterwards my shirt front was ripped to shreds.

Ungrateful little twerp!

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Croix and Paws,

That’s lovely Croix that you looked after the Pademelons. They are definitely cute looking and look a bit like larger versions of the Quokkas we get here. I have seen videos of Quendas (the bandicoots we have here) fighting and they are ferocious, yet look like the cutest, friendliest little things when you see them snuffling about in the bush.

I did a walk this afternoon and met a tiger snake along the way, basking in the sun. On the drive home there were plenty of kangaroos as usual. I always know to drive slowly at that time of day. One kept hopping along next to me on one side of the road and I couldn’t speed up to go past in case it suddenly deviated in front of me. Eventually it deviated down a path. I’ve had an emu running along next to me before too.

Did you have a range of animals you looked after Croix? I’m trying to remember if you mentioned wombats before? Baby wombats are loveable but the adults can certainly be formidable! I have some excess bedding I inherited from my parents and I’ve wondered whether to donate it to local wildlife carers as something they can perhaps use for wrapping injured or orphaned wildlife or lining places where they sleep.

May you both have a lovely day tomorrow.

Hugs,

ER

[Eagle Ray]

P.S. Hello again Paws and Croix,

Did you hear about the Emperor Penguin that got washed up on the south coast of WA? Apparently he walked right up to people. How amazing for an Emperor Penguin to waddle onto Australian shores. I’m wondering if he’s one of your penguins Croix, on a secret mission of mischief on mainland Australia? 🐧