Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws and Croix,

Paws, that would be wonderful to be able to see what creatures are about at night. If you wanted to, I'm sure you could also volunteer for citizen science initiatives. I loved the picture of the Devil with babies too. I got to pat a Tassie Devil at a wildlife park in Tassie. Before going to Tasmania I thought Devils were on the scary side. But I learned that a great deal of what seems like aggression is bluff and that they are actually quite shy. This particular female had cataracts and was blind. Her fur was so soft and she seemed very gentle.

Wombats I found are scarier than Devils! They are adorable and hilariously full of character, but I have a sense that a fully grown wombat is a beast to be reckoned with. We encountered some in the wild and they stood their ground very powerfully as if to say, "don't mess with me". On my second visit I had a large female carrying a baby in her pouch just waltz right across the path in front of me and munch on native grasses by the path. My sense is that wombats are not shy at all! That particular mother wombat I saw was at Cradle Mountain where wildlife just seemed to be in abundance everywhere. Just thinking about it I want to teleport myself there now and see the animals. I did also love that photo from the ABC article of the baby wombat on its sleeping mother.

I saw the program on quolls. Wasn't it wonderful! As so many of our marsupials are nocturnal many people are not aware of what's out there. I feel like if I just sat in the woodland across the road from here at night and had an infra red camera I would just start seeing all sorts of things.

Paws, that sounds like an extremely destructive storm that went through! I'm glad your home stayed intact. It does sound tornado-like the way only certain trees were seriously damaged but other nearby ones were not. A tornado went through the city of Bunbury recently and aerial footage showed the path based on the line of damage.

Paws, I can relate to what you say about only partially recalling things that were learned when young. I can say things in Japanese such as "I like eating hamburgers" and "I'm going to school by bicycle", but I'm far from being skilled conversationally! Having the ability to translate between French and English is an amazing skill. Did you ever get the chance to travel to France and practise French?

Well Paws, Croix and anyone reading, may you have a peaceful evening.

Hugs,

ER

[Croix]

Dear Pawsand ER~

When my offspring  was young we kept orphaned young animals for a local wildlife park and I'd have to say that baby wombats are cute, however as they grow to maturity they tend to be  aggressive. A lot of baby birds and other baby animals will 'imprint' on whoever nurtures them, I do not think wombats have that ability and have ot be avoided.

Cats don't of course, they expect you to imprint on them.

I've just  gone and parked the car at the street end of the driveway to prevent being locked in if a tree falls.  The Weather Bureau for-cast winds between 40 and 140 klm - they apparently allow themselves a comfortable margin and thus the luxury of always being right:)

Even so the wind has been extremely strong, in fact as strong as any I can remember in the umpteen years I've lived here, so I was not going to take any chances

Neither Foxy Dog or Sumo felt it appropriate to go outside today, perhaps tomorrow. Mrs C normally takes Foxy for a walk, though today that consisted driving to the park, both sitting in the car being buffeted and listening ot the rain, then coming home again.

I think if I could bottle 'Essence of Damp Dog' I"d make a fortune selling it as a deterrent.

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER & Croix,

Well I have bought a wildlife night camera.  I got a very cheap one just to start off & see what is out there, I can always upgrade if I find it worth it.  Now the wait for it to be delivered.

I've heard Tassie Devils are actually quiet shy, how lovely getting to pat one. You do make me jealous with all the wildlife interactions you've had.  Yes wombats have a reputation for being feisty & not adverse to charging or biting.  My younger sister has been a wombat fan since she was little, there is nothing she doesn't know about wombats & how to care for them.  I think if she ever moved out from the city, she would move close to a rescue so she could help out in person full time.  

I never made it to France, though I did find my French helpful when in London a very lost French tourist asked me for directions.  The one & only time I used it in real life.  I had hoped during high school to train as professional translator, which at the time would have meant living overseas as back then there were very few opportunities in Australia.  But dad's ill health meant I had to leave school & get a job to support him, my little sister & myself.  By the time dad passed my memory issues were making themselves felt & it was no longer possible for me to be a professional translator.  What I find frustrating the most these days is losing how to spell even sometimes simple words & having to keep the dictionary to hand even to write posts here.  Though I'm thankful it is not yet bad enough to stop me living independently or driving.  My nieces & nephews have strict instructions from me that if they think I am getting to the point where I perhaps shouldn't drive or live alone they must tell me, just in case I don't recognise the signs. I would rather be told before it becomes a dangerous situation, so I can be assessed or change my lifestyle myself to adapt.

hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Croix,

That is fantastic you have bought the wildlife camera Paws! It will be very interesting to see what may be about your place at night. A few days ago I was doing a walk at dusk and it was almost dark. I disturbed a rabbit who scurried away. Then I felt a presence in the darkness to my left and there was a kangaroo just a few metres away. It's like the bush is becoming alive as it gets dark.

If you get a chance to return to Tassie, the place where I got to hold a baby wombat and pat a Tassie Devil is Trowunna Wildlife Sanctuary in Mole Creek. There are a number of wildlife parks in other parts of the state and they may have similar opportunities. I definitely really enjoyed Trowunna.

Croix and Paws, I've just read about more wild weather coming to Victoria, I'm guessing the same weather you are mentioning Croix. It sounds like some very strong winds forecast. I hope you both don't get it too badly and it is more towards the 40 end than the 140 end in terms of km/h. Each winter here there has been very strong wind gusts. In 2022 I remember it getting to 135 km/h here. It's always a relief when things settle again.

Croix, I had quite a whimsical image of Mrs C and Foxy Dog intending a walk but just watching the blustery weather instead before coming home again. I think Foxy Dog would have understood quite well why walkies were off the table and was glad for the shelter of the car. I know that smell of damp dog. It is very distinctive.

Yes, wombats do seem to be very independent once grown. I did meet a man at Derwent Bridge in Tasmania who said he had raised a female wombat. He and his partner spent time teaching her to dig a burrow as she didn't have a parent wombat to learn from. She went off on her own and he said she does come back to dig a burrow nearby sometimes, but is her own independent wombat now. He showed us some burrows. It's lovely your sister is passionate about wombats Paws. I love that she has kept that love of wombats going since she was a child.

Being a professional translator would have been a really interesting job Paws. I imagine that if translating text you could do that anywhere in the world today with the internet making it so easy. But of course there is also being a in-person translator, such as for politicians or diplomats talking to one another who don't speak the same language. I imagine that job could take you around the world, just as being a photojournalist could.

It was very hard for you Paws that you first had to take on the roles done by your mum after she passed, and then you were caring for and supporting your dad and little sister. I feel like carers have to push themselves so hard and it can take a toll. Do you think the memory issues that emerged were from stress and exhaustion? I pushed myself extremely hard in the care of my parents and also my brother when he had a breakdown and at the end of it all my mental and physical health totally collapsed. I feel I'm experiencing some healing now though and I hope maybe you can as well. I think doing things like looking out for animals with your new wildlife camera are great things to do that really help the brain build neural networks. I've got some very bothersome health symptoms at the moment but I find I can settle them somewhat through doing photo editing which I find so meditative. After a couple of hours focused on editing photos my symptoms often noticeably settle.

Take care Paws and Croix in any wild weather that comes by and I hope you stay warm and cosy inside.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER & Croix,

Croix we must have posted at the same time yesterday.

Croix how lovely you got to care for orphaned wildlife, that must have been a wonderful experience for your kids as well as yourself.  I wish more children could experience fostering animals (either pet or wildlife) & getting the animal to a point where it is ready to move on, either back to the wild or to a permanent home. 

I think Croix your "essence of damp dog" might actually be a big seller, not as a deterrent, but to oddballs like me who actually like the scent.  I do miss it.  

ER I actually have "lesions" (not the correct medical term but a close enough description) on my brain which were discovered when I developed epilepsy as an adult.  The doctors have said they are the cause of my memory issues & that as I age they will multiply throughout my brain & may also cause other cognitive issues.  I do understand what you mean about emotional exhaustion caused by caring for others.  It probably hasn't helped my memory issues.

ER finding something that you enjoy doing which also works as a settling influence is a wonderful "tool" to have in your mental health toolbox.  I really enjoy looking at nature photos online & can easily see how you can find editing them so calming.  

The wind eases briefly to just very strong, but has been at scary levels most of last night & is expected to be that bad this arvo day.  It is strange that with all the trees down I still haven't lost power, as losing power is usually the norm whenever the weather turns, as is losing the satellite tv signal.  I do keep losing the phone (including internet) signal for hours at a time, which is annoying when I want to check on warnings for my area.

Stay safe Croix & Mrs C, Sumo Cat & Foxy Dog.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws and Croix,

I have to say I don’t mind the smell of damp dog either. I also don’t seem to mind the smell of farm animals. I did some horse riding as a kid and I remember the familiar smell of the stables and horses. I am certainly missing animals at present but I’m looking forward to some time with fluffy cat in the latter part of this month. I am quite sure my health improves every time I’m with an animal.

Paws, I’m sorry to hear about the brain lesions. It sounds like it’s been a long term challenge you have had. One of the problems I can get with the liver disease I have is brain lesions but a CT scan showed my brain as ok a couple of years ago. I’m on a med now that helps protect the blood-brain barrier and I had a big improvement in cognitive function after starting that. I’m imagining you are on meds already for the epilepsy and maybe others that help to protect the brain. There is a book I have called The Brain’s Way of Healing by Norman Doidge. I haven’t read it from cover to cover so I should look to see if it has anything on epilepsy. I think it’s still in one of my unpacked boxes but I’ll let you know if I find some helpful info. Certainly the area of neuroplasticity seems to show that there is a lot of healing potential in the brain. There’s an amazing story in the book about a man who has had Parkinson’s for decades who has had incredible improvements through retraining his brain with a walking program he devised for himself. His name is John Pepper and if you look up “John Pepper Parkinson’s” you should be able to find some info on him. I am trying to train my own brain to heal and photography feels like it has been integral for me in the way it engages me with focused tasks (both taking and editing photos).

I absolutely love looking at nature photos too. I love seeing wildlife and landscapes and plants and trees. I also love exploring parts of the world online and going on a kind of virtual holiday. I’m fascinated by the diverse landscapes of the world, the wildlife that live there and the human cultures too.

I’m glad you are ok with regard to the storms and I hope you are ok too Croix. I read how bad they have been on the ABC news website this morning. I saw a photo of surging waves at Point Lonsdale that looked scary. I hope your power stays on and that the weather settles very soon.

After a lot of grey, blustery days here we’ve had slightly warmer, calmer weather. Today I’ve seen two very large King Skinks at the front and back of my place, so it’s warmed enough for them to be active. I can hear a kind of scraping noise in one of my gutters right now which I suspect is another one as they like to run along in the gutters and sun bake on the roof.

Take care and warm hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Today has been wonderfully calm with just a gentle breeze & I am not missing the winds we have been having.  I drove to the little village 10km away & there will be mountains of firewood for the locals once all the downed trees or dropped limbs I saw just in that small stretch of road are cut up.

I love looking at photos of far away places online as well.  I don't know if you have noticed it, but I'm starting to see AI images popping up amongst the real pictures.  I know real photos are often edited to make them look better, but the photographers don't usually add things that aren't actually there which I'm finding the AI often seems to do.  I wish they would make it law that anything (word or image) created by AI has to be watermarked as AI generated.  

I had to google King's Skinks, their being endemic to WA is probably why.  They are very large skinks compared to the little finger length ones I get here, no wonder you hear them moving about.  It never ceases to amaze me how different the plant & animals are in the different regions, even within one state.  

I'm lucky that it only took trying two different meds for me to find one that stopped my epilepsy absence seizures & I've been seizure free since.  I have read a number of studies that are to do with rewiring of the brain through training.  One I read which I found fascinating is that imagining yourself doing something in detail can over time make the same changes to your brain as doing the actual activity.  The study had one group of people learn a real instrument & another group take the lessons but with an imaginary instrument & they found that when they scanned the brains after some weeks, the exact same parts of the brain were activated in both groups.

hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Ah, yes, that weather would have brought about many firewood opportunities. The woodland across from me quite often gets stripped in strong winds so there are a lot of twigs and small bits of branch that people pick up for kindling. I think they are allowed to do that there but I think there are other areas that are restricted for firewood collecting. Your area is getting whole trees!

I agree about the AI images. So far I have been able to tell them apart from real photos as they just don’t look quite right. They are technically accurate but I can feel they are not real. For example, I was looking up “underwater dogs” because there was a funny book that came out of dogs underwater a few years ago. Someone has copied the idea with AI and it was mostly AI images that came up. I could tell just from the thumbnail. When I clicked on them they were from a stock library and marked as AI.

The King’s Skinks are characters. I have a really big fella in my backyard who is totally unafraid. The others go and hide under the water tank when I go out there. But this one just keeps sunning himself on the bricks. One day a magpie landed in the backyard and he just went for it, charging the magpie full speed. I have seen one skink chase another off my shed roof. The one that fell seemed to land expertly and wasn’t injured. If you ever visit Mettams Pool, a beach in Perth, they are often in the crevices in the limestone wall where you can sit and look over the ocean. Those ones have been known to actually come and lick the salt off the toes of people who’ve been swimming! They are a lighter grey colour whereas the ones here are black.

My childhood friend had absence seizures too and I remember how she would go blank for a few minutes. The poor thing was told off a lot in school for not paying attention and by her parents too, before anyone understood what was happening. But she was actually in a seizure. She did improve a lot once it was found out and she went on meds. I’m really glad you are seizure free now.

Yes, I’ve heard too about imagining doing something can create the same neural pathways as actually doing it. In 2011 I was at a music conference where a Japanese team demonstrated a man playing a synthesiser with his brain! He was hooked up with electrodes and just sitting there, activating the synthesiser with his thoughts only. He performed a duet with someone else on the clarinet where she was playing an instrument and he was just using his thoughts to create the pitches of the melody. Our minds are often much more powerful than we realise!

Really glad you have the calmer weather Paws, and hope you do too Croix and anyone else in the southern states where it’s been wild.

Hugs,

ER

[Croix]

Dear Paws and ER~

I've had a couple of days so far without power and little internet. The winds twice now have come with the roar of an express train -a rather perturbing experience -  and we have sustained a little damage, the worst thing being no facilities. Thank goodness for the wood fire, it would be mighty cold without it.

Today we drove into town to get supplies (local supermarket still out) together with a replacement gas lamp (the old one was not a goer) and took the opportunity to recharge my phone in hte car.

We were amazed at the number of trees that were down, mainly wattles wiht a hole scooped out at their base where they had been too shallow rooted and simply toppled over.

All of us are ok, Mrs C, Sumo and Foxy. Must stop now while some battery left. Take care

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Croix,

I’m really glad you are all ok but it does sound like quite a frustrating time for everyone impacted. I’m so glad you have had the wood fire. Sumo would have been most unimpressed if there was no fire too! I hope things can be back to normal very soon.

You take care and warm hugs to you all,

ER