Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Croix]

Dear Paws and ER~

You were talking about handedness before going on to perch and tourists and sleep.

It made me think back to when one had to be right handed, and so you were taught to write and do everything else right handed no matter how you were born. It was a much more regimented age and little attention was paid to individuality.

Writing came out in a curios way, I became ambidextrous, but only partly so at that time due to lack of opportunity and that has had the effect of making me dyslexic, which is why you see so many "hts"s rather than "the"s and other typos in my posts.

One interesting effect in my late teens and twenties was when studying I would without thought write in mirror writing, which I could read straight away, but others had to put in front of a mirror -wierd.

Now I'm happy t say I've reverted to my nature and am left-handed again 🙂

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER & Croix,

Well after the internet being down here for the last 9 hours.... yay it is back.

Croix how strange your brain turned to mirror writing & only for such a short period.  I would have thought if you started writing that way it would become your default writing style.  Did you do anything to stop it or did it just go away on it's own?

The storms here are scary, the wind for some hours sounded like standing next to a jet engine & the house was rocking on it's foundations.  Once the internet came back I checked all the weather warnings & it seems that this will be happening on & off for most of today.  It is bin day today (I only have one collection day each month) but with the wind now sitting at about 60km/hr & hitting gusts of 96km/hr, I don't think I can put it out as it will just end up blowing down the road or into the forest across from me.  

ER your story about the fig tree reminded me there was a wild growing plum tree in the park behind our house & despite never being maintained, always had so many plums that we & the neighbours all had plenty from it.  Now I'm thinking of stewed plums... yummm

I don't think I have chronic fatigue, though sometimes it feels like it.  I think a large part is my depression, combined with all the meds I take for all the illnesses I have.  I'm sure if you shook me I would rattle.  Your having fibromyalgia would have a big influence on your energy levels I would think.  I must say I am impressed that as a women you managed to have it diagnosed, as I have found that so many in the medical field tend to dismiss women who have pain or something that isn't immediately visible like a broken arm.    

I hope the storms aren't too bad down your way Croix.

Stay warm

hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Croix,

Croix, it sounds like it was a bit confusing not getting to be left-handed when you naturally were. I do think the brain tries to make accommodations when we are forced to go against our natural handedness. Maybe that contributed to the development of mirror-writing? You are in good company with dyslexia as there are so many well known creative and successful people with it. Their contributions may well largely come from their unique take on the world from how their particular brain works. It's nice to know you are left-handed too. I find I always feel a sense of camaraderie with fellow left-handers.

Paws, I really hope you are doing ok in the storms. It sounds extreme! Yes, I know what you mean about the bins. We get very strong winds here and sometimes I just don't put it out because it is pointless. Those that do go out all tip and the street is filled with rubbish. It's just frustrating for you that it's only a monthly pick up. It would be nice if the council/shire could do an additional courtesy pickup on a calmer day, though I expect they may be dealing with a lot of damage issues in relation to the storms. I'm glad you at least have the internet again now Paws. It is good feeling like you have that communication with the wider world and access to information. I do hope the weather settles there soon.

Paws, I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia by a rheumatologist at 21, 8 years after developing it. However, he had no useful recommendations or treatment options. I learned a long time ago I am on my own with it and so have done a lot of research myself and found some answers that way. Both fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome are often (though not always) co-morbid with trauma. One of my friends with fibromyalgia is diagnosed with PTSD, another with C-PTSD and now I have the C-PTSD diagnosis. It is common in war veterans and it used to be called "psychogenic rheumatism" in WWII soldiers and "neurasthenia" in WWI soldiers. It has been grossly misunderstood in the Western medical model that has separated out the mind and body. I have learned so much about the role of autonomic function in relation to both fibromyalgia and PTSD and it is why I have been so drawn to somatic therapies that do not separate mind and body. I have made far more progress with these kinds of approaches.

I agree with you that women are often dismissed with pain conditions, though accounts of how some male war veterans were treated in the past shows they were often treated dismissively as well, for being "weak" relative to other soldiers who didn't develop the same symptoms. Fibromyalgia has also been cast as a "hysterical women's" condition and there are still practitioners today that think this way. I have had both a GP and physiotherapist be quite polite and normal to me until I disclosed having being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, after which they became very hostile. It has been really distressing at times. But I have managed to empower myself through research and looking to the people doing good work in the field. There is huge clinical evidence now for what is happening in the brain and nervous system with fibromyalgia, but so many medical practitioners are still dismissive of it. Endometriosis for women was treated the same way for so long, but finally it is being more recognised as a very real and debilitating condition.

I've been feeling very sad as my elderly neighbour who is the person I have felt closest to in this town is going into a nursing home. I had a good cry yesterday. I really feel for her as it is not really her choice. At the same time, I understand her daughter making the decision as she was experiencing increasing levels of memory loss and confusion. Only a few weeks ago I took her for a coffee and we had the most lovely morning. She rung me from hospital saying she thought she'd be home soon and so I didn't worry about her. But I now know from her daughter she is not coming home again and will be in a nursing home 1.5 hours from here. I know there will be grief for her, losing her independence and life as she knew it. I will make an effort to visit her in the nursing home.

I do hope all is holding up well in the wild Victorian weather.

Hugs,

ER

[Croix]

Dear Paws and ER~

Yes, the high winds and rain have been here too, though sitting inside by the fire does rather take hte edge off, nothing like being snug. Mind you I did go and park the car where no trees or electricity poles could fall on it. Sumo blames me of course for opening the wrong door.

I'm glad you have your internet back, maybe it was becuse of the storm.

As for my writing, it happened when I was studying hard (well, 'studying' anyway) and whne hte study finished I made a conscious effort to write normally, which turned out ot be very easy, and I've not reverted since.

Why peple back then had to be right handed I'm not sure except being shortly after hte war people were not regarded as individuals in hte same way. I remember one school where htey used your surname and a letter of the alphabet to identify a student. For example "Smith ,A" and if there was another then "Smith, B" and so on.

ER, wiht your elderly neighbor it might not be as bad as it seems. My mother-in-law had to be placed in an aged care home and vigorously resisted the idea, however she became too hard ot look after 24/7 and so we maf=de hte arrangments, feeling very guilty.

She ended up enjoying it wiht new freinds, no housework and a regular routine in a safe environment. Maybe she was just lucky, thohgh I think her sunny denture had something to do wiht it. She was always popular wiht the staff even if she could not remember their  names.

Croix (& a disgruntled Sumo)

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Croix,

Croix, thank you for your thoughts about my elderly neighbour. I was feeling for her so much because it's like her life changed overnight. She was still driving actually and had recently been given the all clear by the GP to keep going. She had her friends she does craft with here and her own, comfortable home. But she was starting to show signs of disorientation and confusion. She would knock on my door saying she had locked herself out and was in a panic. She had located the spare key but didn't seem to know what to do next. I was able to get the door open for her. Other times if her power tripped she would also panic. I would go and flip up the RCD switches and show her what I was doing, but she would be lost and confused again the next time it happened. The last time I was with her she had forgotten her age. I think her daughter has most likely made the right decision. I do hope she finds some good friends in the new environment and I'm sure she will enjoy having less responsibilities without the upkeep of a home. I will miss her company very, very much. We had some lovely chats over afternoon tea and I will always cherish those memories. And hopefully get to continue some of those chats by visiting her on occasion in her new home. The town where the nursing home is, is where her daughter and son-in-law live, so it makes sense.

I hope Sumo soon gets over his disgruntledness. I can just imagine a cat becoming put out by the opening of the wrong door. Sometimes when I have been looking after fluffy cat I take her on a neighbourhood walk with her special cat lead. This usually involves her plonking herself in a particular spot where she wants to absorb the morning or evening atmosphere. I find it quite meditative and she makes me slow right down and just be present. But then a car or bicycle comes along and I have to pick her up (as she usually won't budge on her own) and this involves a protest meow. I don't know if Sumo does a protest meow or just gives you a look?

Paws I am hoping all is well for you where you are. Has there been some settling in the weather? It's just picked up here with some strong winds. But around sunset I walked and the breeze was quite gentle. I found it lovely then.

Take care and warm hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello Croix & ER,

ER I hope when you get to visit your elderly neighbour in her new home you find she is settling in well & finding it a friendly place.  I'm sure she will be delighted to see you, as I think one thing folk in homes fear is that others will forget them & no-one will ever visit.  I will keep everything crossed for you that the new neighbour you get is just as nice.  

Croix I think you are right about the regimental mind set after the war, things like having the need for rationing etc, also helped to reinforce the group over the individual.  One of my brothers left school basically illiterate as both in primary school & tech/high school if you couldn't keep up with the lessons you were blamed & simply punished rather than helped.  My memory of teachers in primary school is they weren't seen as approachable, rather they were to be feared as strict disciplinarians & only ever addressed as Miss or Sir.  Thankfully being over a decade younger than my eldest sibling in secondary school I found things were not so strict as they had experienced & things became much more casual over those years.

ER I may be wrong, but I can't imagine Sumo cat resorting to a meow except in the most dire circumstances.  I'm sure he has his; disgruntled, disdainful, displeased, scornful, looks down pat.

My internet went off again & I finally received a text message from my telco to say they were aware of problems & were working on it.  It hasn't been back on for long, but they have just sent a text saying they had fixed the problem so hopefully all will work now.

The winds calmed right back to just strong with the dawn, & there were only occasional gale force winds during the day yesterday apart from one brief burst of storm force.  As the winds were only just strong after dawn I risked putting my bin out in the lee of the trees on the verge to shelter it.  Being rural I don't get council bin collections, I pay a private firm to collect my bin monthly & I pay for the collection even if I don't put the bin out.  

I hope you are both snug & warm

hugs

Paws

[Croix]

Dear Paws and ER~

I'm afriad at all my schools except the French State School I went to that lagging behind in one's studies as more a cause for corporal punishment than remedial tutoring. Looking back I think some of the subjects were bizarre anyway, who needs to know ancient Greek, all about the The Peloponnesian Wars, - or French, that's mainly becuse the French taught bore no resemblance to what people actually spoke in France. "Comment vous allez vous?" was a stilted greeting and people thought you were taking the mickey. "Ça va? was what was expected, not the same thing at all.

Not surprisingly my end of term reports were remarkable similar from school to school "Croix has room for improvement".  No doubt true.

The food does not bear description, one of the more minor inflictions was beetroot and sugar-beet jam.

Sumo has his own methods of indicating displease and only calls out to attract attention if servants are not to hand. I hate to think what would happen if I tried a collar and lead, and as for a walk, he will take a few steps to find a pleasing place and subside into it.

ER  one of the most upsetting things is ot see a person whom you hold in affecting or high regard gradually lose their mental faculties and stop being able ot cope wiht simple every day things. I had that wiht my MIL and sadly wiht the first Mrs C when she was in hospital. Sometimes I had to go outside to compose myself when I saw her puzzled by the phone or TV remote.

I'm glad to say in both cases their natures remained the same, affectionate and cheerful. I'm sure you will enjoy visiting and it will not be as difficult as you might imagine. Conversations can still be quite meaningful and even have an element of humor.

Croix (Sumo is neither disgruntled or gruntled, he is 'busy')

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Croix,

Yes, Paws, I think it can be a real fear for people going into a nursing home that they will kind of be forgotten about. I think with my neighbour she will at least have her daughter and son-in-law close by who will be regularly seeing her. I will certainly make an effort to visit once she is settled in. The last time we went for coffee she said she was feeling unsettled, almost like she knew things were about to change.

Croix, it is a sad and strange thing to see someone losing their faculties isn't it. I recall my dad doing a very similar thing with the TV remote. He was trying to use it to switch on the computer and even after explaining the difference between the computer and the TV to him he just persisted because he couldn't understand. However, he'd also been put on a med in hospital that can cause hallucinations, so I felt like that may have had something to do with it as well. With my neighbour she was so incredibly with it in other ways and I could tell has been a very capable, well-functioning person throughout her life, so it must feel so profoundly strange to her to have that sense of functionality being altered somewhat. She is a kind, lovely, thoughtful person and I think, as you say, her true nature will persist and keep shining through. It is also so true that humour goes a long way to help in these situations. A friend of mine can still have a very good laugh with his mum who has Alzheimer's now which is so lovely and heartwarming to see.

Paws, I'm glad things have calmed somewhat with the weather and you were able to put your bin out. It is interesting hearing how things work in rural zones as opposed to a city or country town. A lot of people made tree changes as a result of Covid and I imagine have had to make adjustments to not having easy access to many of the services they did previously. I've found in a town many things work the same as in the city such as council pickups. But I am starting to miss things like a cinema, arts/cultural/music events etc. Even if I didn't do those things a lot before, they were there as an option. I do have neighbouring towns with a bit more on but don't feel entirely comfortable travelling at night after events with the plentiful kangaroos on the road. I'm going on a bit of an exploration in a week's time to investigate a possible new home.

Ah, yes, I recognise "busy" is the appropriate word for Sumo. I think I have seen the "busy" look in a cat's expression and body language before. I can imagine a meow only being forthcoming when giving orders to servants 😂

Croix, I learned Japanese at school, but I'm quite sure as you describe with French that if I tried speaking it on the streets of Tokyo it would sound stilted and wrong. When I have heard conversational Japanese it sounds quite different to the formal sentences we learned with a lot of things abbreviated.

Your mention of the comment "Croix has room for improvement" reminded me of an experience in a previous job of mine. Our place of work was having massive organisational change implemented my a new manager. It was a disaster. The service to clients was reduced and many lost their jobs. You weren't allowed to criticise the changes otherwise you were at risk of losing your job. Of those of us who remained, our workload massively increased to unmanageable levels. They brought in a "dynamic", "motivational" speaker as part of the "change management" process. I still remember her asking us, "What's the biggest room in the world?" We just stared blankly. She replied with great gusto, "The room for improvement!". At this point I burst out laughing. I don't know if you have ever watched the show Utopia on ABC, but that really is not an exaggeration in terms of how some workplaces actually work.

Hugs,

ER

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Paws and Croix,

I’m just reading an ABC news website article this morning called “Camera-trap photo competition helps Tasmanians get to know their wildlife neighbours”. You may have seen it already but just thought I’d mention it as I know you were considering getting a night camera to see what is around your place. Croix, you may be interested too as I know you’ve mentioned some wildlife visitors. The article includes some cute photos.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER & Croix, wave to all,

Another 20+ hour sleep done & dusted.  I think after being awake so much with the storms all week my body finally said enough.  

ER I just finished reading the articles on the ABC site & was going to mention the Tassie camera project here, but I see you have beat me too it.  I loved the picture of the Devil carrying it's babies & the picture of the Quoll reminded me of the ABC series about the Quoll house in Tassie.  If you haven't seen it I do recommend it.  It might be on IView I don't know though.

"Could do better"  was a frequent comment on my school reports as well.  Croix I am impressed by your French recall.  I was completely fluent by the time I left school & could translate both French to English & English to French as it was being spoken.  Having a French woman as our teacher in high school helped us get a more realistic take than the phrases taught in the set class books.  Now I can still count to 10 in French, but with my memory issues I have completely lost almost all the rest.  I have the same problem with other subjects I loved & did well in, now I only remember odd bits & pieces.  Even with subjects I kept up with after leaving school & try to keep up today, the memory is very hit & miss.

ER your story of the disaster of your work place revamp really is a snapshot of what I think went on in many workplaces.  It was quite the rage for many years wasn't it.  I love that you laughed out loud. I hope your co-workers gave you a standing ovation, you certainly earned one.

ER I don't like driving at night on country roads either with the risks from wildlife being so much higher.  I remember you saying earlier you were looking to move to find somewhere more inclusive & now you no longer have your friendly neighbour that must be an added incentive to move.  I hope your exploration trip turns up something better suited for you. 

I have a fairly large copse of both Blackwood Acacias & a few Stringybark Gums on my verge.  The morning after the storms here when I put my bin out I was too busy looking at where I was walking & trying to keep the rain out of my eyes to see what damage the storm had caused.  I heard a chainsaw & saw flashing lights a little later, so knew something had come down on the road, but assumed it was just a branch.  How wrong I was.  Yesterday morning I went to get milk & stopped to check my letterbox & glanced across my copse to see a scene that could easily be a piece of news footage from after a cyclone or tornado.  The trees nearest my drive were ok but further in some of the taller trees with trunks over a foot wide had been snapped through like matchsticks, others had lost major branches or been split open by a falling limb.  The thinner more whippy trees had been stripped bare of leaves & smaller twigs/branches.  Nearly a dozen trees were seriously damaged & yet the trees on the verge the fronted the paddocks either side of me have little to no damage.  There has been the sound of chainsaws echoing through the valley over the last few days so it seems my little copse wasn't the only thing to take a hit.

I'm off to browse wildlife night cameras.

Hugs

Paws