Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Croix]

Dear Paws, ER and all~

I also had my post eaten (temporarily) by the internet in another thread, then wrote it all over again. Today I find both versions have appeared - sigh.

I too your sister is now settld bad has adequate care. Is she happy wiht tihngs?

ER I hpe you nave navigated that corner and the cold is going away, it does make life unconformable. I don't blame oyu being hesitant ot clean hte camera, wihtout the correct  equipment and a clean room it's possible to make matters worse. Post processing is a real boon. Do you have several lenses?

I liked the Earth's Children books, as they went into so much detail about everything from riding horses to using needles. It showed the ingenuity and organisation of the human race. The only annoying  bit was the heroine seemed to invent all technological and medical advancements by herself.

Still and all fascinating detail.

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER & Croix, wave to all,

I will be seeing my sister tomorrow.  She has to be in a wheelchair as she is no longer stable enough on her feet to use the walker.  Apparently she has been grumpy about her limitations since coming home, but that is quite understandable.  I remember when caring for dad when he came home for his last two months, that he found the major limitations his cancer caused him very frustrating.  

I've not heard of the Earth's Children book series, I will have to google them.  I do enjoy well written historically based novels as well as non fiction accounts.  Unfortunately I ordered some books from Booktopia just before they collapsed, so I'm hoping someone buys the company to run it & I do get my books.  There are so few Aussie bookstores that carry the books I look for.  I do check out second hand books first, but even they are often very limited to more well known authors.

Despite the cold weather my birdbath is still popular with the wrens.  It puzzles me as I wonder how such little birds don't have their temperature drop too much from the cold water & wind.  

ER I hope you are feeling better

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Croix and everyone,

It will be good to be able to see your sister Paws. Yes, it would be incredibly frustrating for her dealing with the physical limitations. It’s good there are a few people to support her at this time.

Croix, I remember the detail in the Earth’s Children books. I think it’s in the early pages of Clan of the Cave Bear where she is describing in detail the grasses, vegetation and landscape of what was the European continent at the time. I found it fascinating to think of Europe, much of it so developed now, as this vast wilderness. I didn’t read the whole series but it’s funny how the author put all technological and medical advancements down to one person, like she was trying to encapsulate all those changes in a single human. Paws, I think the books would be described as historical fiction. I hope you get your books from Booktopia. I used to get quite a few from the Book Depository and that is gone now too.

I’m glad the wrens are enjoying the birdbath Paws. It must be lovely to watch. I think as little birds their body temperature can potentially drop too much but they are probably usually countering this with their hyperactivity. I had a little male red-winged fairywren collapse on a forest path in front of me on an exceptionally cold day last year. I picked him up and held him in my car for two hours hoping I could warm him up and that he might be just stunned from the cold. But, alas, he was gone. It gave me a chance to see close up just how beautiful and delicate and tiny they are. I felt very sad for him and took him back to the spot where I found him. I put him on some soft vegetation off the track so his spirit can go back to the place he knows.

Croix, I do have several lenses for my camera, a wide angle, standard, shorter telephoto and longer telephoto. I still have my older DSLR body and the macro lens I used with that, but plan to sell these to fund a new macro lens for my current camera. Each type of lens has its own character and opens up a whole new creative world of possibilities. I love watching YouTube clips to see the results that different photographers get with different lenses. It always inspires me to try new things with photography.

My cold is a bit persistent but is gradually improving. It’s a howling wind out there today. It can be so atmospheric by the coast here on windy days.

Have a safe drive to see your sister Paws.

Warm hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER, Croix & wave to everyone,

I had a bittersweet visit with my sister.  She was asleep for most of it & when she did wake she was "off with the fairies for a time", I did have a short period where we could talk even though she was hard to understand.  The visit has left me with one special memory, when she woke she was feeling unsettled & I suggested I give her a shoulder massage as dad had found them settling.  She wasn't sure, but once I started she didn't want me to stop as she said it felt "so nice" & she just rested her head against me as I massaged her. She is now visibly failing & I don't think she has much time left.  

Yesterday took a bit out of me with the long drives there & back on top of the rest & I went to bed early & slept a long time.  I'm having a quiet day today, just doing a jigsaw puzzle & giving myself some time to process everything.

ER how sad & yet lovely that you got to hold that little wren.  It was very sweet of you to put it back in nature near where you found it.  You have reminded me of how once we found a mouse that was frozen from the cold & despite the fact that my parents normally set mousetraps or poisons to be rid of them, this time mum sat with us & warmed it back to life & then we got to release it.  

How wonderful to be able to view the things you photograph using such a variety of lenses.  I wonder are there night vision lenses available?  I ask because I think it would be so interesting to capture the night time wildlife that live near you.  I have been pondering for over a year now about setting up a trail cam or something similar as I believe I get a few night time visitors & would like to see exactly what variety I do get apart from the micro bats.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws, Croix and All,

Paws, I was so moved to read about your sister and the comfort she gained from your shoulder massage. That means so much. I have no doubt it is those acts of kindness that make the process of coming to the end of life easier for loved ones. Just to receive that care is a great comfort. I understand it being bittersweet too seeing your sister’s frailty. It is good you have had a restful day today to process everything. Take care and go gently.

Seeing the little wren up close was very special even though it was in sad circumstances. Normally they are so lively you don’t get to see them in that detail. I guess that’s where photography helps a bit because you capture detail you don’t normally see with such an active subject. How lovely you all sat with the frozen mouse until it warmed back to life again. I remember living in a house where myself and my housemates had a bit of a mouse plague. While they can be pesky, I do remember looking at one under my bed with a torch and thinking, oh my goodness that is such a cute little being.

I’m quite sure there are types of night lenses. The main thing I’m aware of are infra red cameras that are often used for filming at night. I think that’s the kind of camera my neighbour’s daughter set up in her back yard. Playing it back they were able to see she had quendas (southern brown bandicoots) in her backyard at night. I could confirm the type of camera used but I’m pretty sure it was infra red. It would be fascinating to know what creatures are exploring around your home at night.

Take good care Paws and have a peaceful evening.

Hugs,

ER

[quirkywords]

Finding it hard to  log in for long just saying hi.

[Croix]

Dear Paws, ER, Quirky and all~

Paws, I to was moved by the fact for a while you were in meaningful contact with your sister as you massaged. It was a great idea and I suspect meant a lot to each of you. I think it would be a memory I'd like to hang on to.

ER I've new seen a wren except in motion, bouncing around, either splendid blue male or brown harem. We only get them for a while each year.

I"m glad oyu have an assortment of lenses. I remember once I had to choose a camera kit for a new station, so I got Pentax with the same sort of lenses you mentioned, plus a macro one and a developing tank (back in the days of emulsion film of course.)

Morr recently I've used cheap USB cameras which do full HD and work at night as well. They have a ring of infra-red LEDs around the case which illuminates the area 'invisibly' though shows up in grayscale well on the computer. I used software that only recorded what the camera saw when the picture changed- i.e. somthing was moving. Saved watching hours of nothing.

We have bandicoots too, they are quite brainless and pelt along at full speed when startled, but as often as not towards the danger rather than away. some years we seem knee deep in them , other years only a few.

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER, Croix, Quirky,

ER I think mice are cute too, which is one reason I can't set the traditional mousetraps, instead using the catch alive & release ones.  I had a suspicion when I had the mouse plague a couple of years ago that it was just the same few mice coming back in straight after I released them, to get the free feed each time they got trapped.

For the second time now I've had over a dozen wrens cramming themselves all on my bird bath at the same time.  The wrens aren't flapping & bathing, they're simply sitting in the water.  It reminds me of that old fad where you tried too see how many people you could cram in a mini or a phone box.

I've not seen a bandicoot in the wild.  I'm very envious.

I have been looking at the motion activated trail cameras, as well as the ordinary house security cameras.  The trail cams are more expensive, but seem to have better definition in night mode. I will have to look into the USB cameras you have Croix.

Lots of lovely soaking rain all day, with only a few brief breaks.  I'm keeping everything crossed this continues for a few days at least.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Paws, Croix & Quirky,

Paws, I relate to not wanting to kill mice with traps. When I moved here the previous people had left mousetraps they mentioned to me under the stairs. I went out to a hardware store and bought capture and release traps instead like you. I also read that mice really don’t like the smell of cloves. I read of the method of putting cotton wool soaked in clove oil at strategic locations such as where you think the mice might be coming in. This seemed to be successful as after doing this I haven’t had mice in the main part of the house. The roof is a different matter and I know I have some rodent activity up there. My concern with rat bait is the poisoning of owls in particular who eat the rats and get sick and often die as a result. I’ve been to a uni researcher’s talk who has been studying deceased boobook owls and over 70% had rodenticide in their system. So far I have been unable to deploy rat bait for fear of killing wildlife who may eat poisoned rodents. So I’m in a stuck place with this until I figure something out.

Croix, the first camera I had was a Pentax K1000 film camera. I’m wondering if it’s the same model that you got for the station as it was a very popular model for some years. I loved mine and still have it but it underexposes now. I think it requires some servicing to fix but I haven’t been sure I’d get adequate use from it to make the cost of servicing worthwhile.

Paws, I’m sure it was one of those motion activated trail cameras that use infra red to see that my neighbour saw the bandicoot on. I had a look and there seem to be many models at varying prices. It would be good to be able to talk to a wildlife researcher about a good one to buy. The USB camera Croix mentions sounds interesting and the software sounds handy too to just record movement and avoid hours of nothing happening.

It’s lovely to hear about the fairywrens Paws and funny to think of them all crammed together in the bird bath. I’m glad you’ve had the soaking rain. I went for a walk late afternoon. It was sunny when I left but when I was at the furthest point from home on my planned route I could see rain clouds quickly advancing. I realised getting wet was the only option so just accepted it. There is something about walking in the rain I actually like. It is quite refreshing. We are in for a lot of rain here tomorrow.

Sleep well and hugs to everyone 😴🤗

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER & Croix,

I also have noises in my roof which I think is probably mice.  Like you I worry about the affect on owls & even snakes if I use poison.  I do have a box of bait which is supposed to be more wildlife friendly as it is a different  poison, but I haven't had the heart to use it yet.  I've not heard about cloves deterring mice, I blocked the holes I found with steel wool which has worked.

More lovely rain here.  Walking in the rain can be invigorating as long as you can dry off when you get to your destination.  I have memories of sitting in school with wet feet inside wet school shoes, definitely not nice.  I have gardened in light rain or drizzle as it is nice not to get too hot & it can make weeding easier.

I'm still just taking things quietly.

Hugs

Paws