Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Hanna, Paws and All,

I watched some of Orangutan Jungle School today. They are so beautiful. It seems from what I could tell they are in a kind of rehabilitation situation. They are so expressive, intelligent and engaging. Thank you for recommending the HERD elephant orphanage one too. I love baby elephants and will have a look at it soon. I remember seeing a video a few years ago where a baby elephant keeps giving a man cuddles. I just managed to find it again on YouTube and it’s called “Baby elephant loves to cuddle”.

It’s good kitty was able to sleep during the thunderstorm. I don’t know if a 6 year old cat may be able to get used to a leash. The cat I sometimes look after when I’m in the city has a leash and I have taken her for walks. She’s about 10 now but I’m not sure what age they first tried the leash with her. She does like it and is used to it as part of a morning routine. She’ll actually walk up to the gate and wait for me to put the leash on which is a kind of harness around her body. Of course it’s different than with a dog. She meanders and I just let her follow what she likes which usually involves sniffing some flowers and plants and wandering down the driveway of the units and sometimes along the front footpath. Sometimes she wants to plonk herself in a spot where she soaks up the morning sun and I just join in and soak it up too. Sometimes I have to pick her up if a car is coming down the driveway.

Paws, I read one of the Julia Baird articles today on the women with significant health issues who crochet and get great benefit from it. I could empathise with the young woman with fibromyalgia as I have that too. I realise that the hours I spend sorting and editing the photos I take performs a similar function. It is soothing somehow in the focus it gives me. I go into a kind of pattern or rhythm just working through each photo. I shoot all my images in RAW format rather than JPEG. This means each file is 100% of what the camera sensor captures whereas JPEG files are compressed and enhanced in various ways automatically. So with RAW it is my job to do things like add some contrast, saturation etc and make the image presentable. It is a creative process in itself just ad taking the photo is. It is very therapeutic for me.

Do you have anything creative you like to do Paws? I have an urge to do some drawing at the moment so I’m going to go to the newsagent tomorrow and get some drawing materials. I’m feeling the need to process some emotions and work with some inner child feelings and I’ve been reading about creative ways of doing that.

Hanna that sounds like a moving service in the cathedral. I’m not religious nor was I brought up that way, but I can very much see the value of ritual and people coming together like that. I think being in a choir can sometimes offer something similar. I saw the Spirits of the Street Choir perform several years ago made up of people who are homeless, have mental health issues etc. It was very moving and their spirit made me cry.

Paws, wishing you a good trip to visit your sister tomorrow. Thinking of you and sending you hugs and much love to your sister too.

I’m off now to have my exciting dinner of sardines on toast.

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all here

Just a quick message as I am finally home after a very long day out to the next big town - and it turned out hot as well!  I'm glad you enjoyed the Jungle School ER - I think most of the baby Orangutans are ophaned - the felling of their forest habitat, especially in Borneo, for palm oil plantations is horrific and Orangutans are now an endangered species at risk of extinction.  The young ones at the school I think are mostly orphans who don't have their group and especially their Mums, to show them how to be Orangutans - what to eat, how to forage for it, how to behave in the troop with the other Orangutans - etc etc.  So the lovely people at the school are trying to teach them these things as best they can!  They are gorgeous animals.

I don't even understand all that about your photos and sizes etc - how did you learn it all?  It sounds quite complicated!  It's a wonderful interest - and getting out your sketch pad and pencils and doing some drawing is a lovely idea - and takes the same sort of concentration as composing a photograph I would think?  You need an eye for the detail so I think it's also a good brain exercise!

I will come back tomorrow - I had a long drive today and they have roadworks happening all the way up and back which makes for a long day.  The temperature went quite cold last night and early this morning as the days are clear at the moment - I much prefer the chilly nights as it's much easier to sleep than in the hot muggy nights!

I hope you cough has cleared up ER, and Paws I hope you are travelling safely to visit your sister - thinking of you.

Catch up more tomorrow!  Have a good evening everyone!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, ER & Deebi,

Thank you all for your support regarding my sister.  I really do appreciate it.  I'm not long home from seeing her.  It was hard not being able to give her a hug because of the chemo, but I did manage the whole visit without getting teary.  It was a short visit as that is all she can manage now.

ER I've always found doing jigsaw puzzles calming, especially sorting the pieces.  I also find embroidery very relaxing, but these days my arthritis limits how long I can work on it.  Only this year I have started doing painting by numbers & colouring books, but again my arthritis determines how much I can do in one go.  I am surprised how much I have enjoyed them.

Hanna that church service for the homeless sounds like it was a very special experience for you.  It is lovely to hear that people who were down on their luck were made welcome, rather than shooed away as is so often the case. 

It is a pity you can't hire a cat harness to see if Kitty would accept it.  I can imagine you sitting in a park reading & letting him sniff around your feet at the grass & leaves.  I wonder if you might find a second hand one in an op shop near you or vinnies online.

ER I'm not near Victoria's high country snowfields, but the higher of the hills just 20 minutes down my road do get snow when it comes down to lower elevations.  I'm not quite high enough for snow, I tend to get sleet when it snows nearby.  I am right on the boundary where farmland adjoins State Forests, unfortunately the forests are off limit to dogs even on a leash so Woofa & I were denied walks along the trails which are lovely to walk with it being a cool climate rain forest.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Helllo Paws, Hanna, Deebi and All,

I’m glad you got to see your sister Paws. I’m sure it was meaningful for her and she would have really appreciated it.

It’s a long time since I’ve done a jigsaw puzzle but I agree, they can be quite relaxing, almost kind of meditative. It’s something I feel like suits a rainy day when indoors. I’ve heard others mention painting by numbers and I’ve never tried it myself, but it also seems like something that would feel peaceful and meditative to do and you get a lovely picture at the end of it. I’ve never learned embroidery and admire the work that other people do.

Hanna, with the photography I just decided in 2010 I wanted to teach myself digital photography. Even before I got my first digital camera I borrowed two large books from the library and absorbed as much knowledge as I could. I went to some talks and short courses too. I had learned how to process black and white film in high school, but digital photography is a whole new world and ever changing too. The cameras now are already quite different from when I started in 2010.

I was thinking the orangutans were probably orphans. I could see how they were teaching them skills they would normally learn from their parents and other orangutans in the wild. They are so beautiful.

I did buy the drawing materials yesterday but was much too tired to start when I got home. But I plan to start in the next few days.

Take care everyone and wishing you a lovely weekend 🤗🙏💖

[Hanna3]

Hi ER, Paws and all here

I am sorry I haven't been here for some time, the last couple of days have been all go for some reason!  Today has turned properly chilly with some rain this morning and a cool wind - just my sort of weather, I love it!

ER I had to Google about digital photography to find out what it is and I have to hand it to you to go to TAFE and learn about how to do it - what a great thing to do!  You must be much better at these technical things than I am and it must be a great interest to do different kinds of photography.

Paws I am glad you got to spend some time with your sister, that must have meant a lot to her and to you.  Doing jigsaws and painting is good for your brain and soothing and distracting as well and so it's calming for you when you have your sister to be anxious about.  I used to enjoy doing jigsaws online as well.  Do you have any garden where you are that you can work in - that can be a pleasant distraction and might be nice in the cooler weather?

ER the drought and the dying trees in your state was on the national news the other day and I thought of you, it sounds dreadful.  I sure do hope you get some rain there this winter.  I hope your cough has gone away and that you're feeling better.

I had a long day yesterday but managed to get to the shops in the big town for a while.  I was trying to find a new toy to amuse the cat as he seems to get bored and I found two new wand toys in one shop - one is just a long fluffy tail but he has had a great time chasing it. I also finally got him to watch some cat TV on my laptop and watching fish swimming around on the screen seemed to keep him amused for quite some time thank goodness!  Tonight is turning very chilly and he still won't go into his lovely new warm bed despite me trying to lure him into it with treats.

I don't enjoy walking around shopping malls anymore, I find it tiring now which must be a sign of getting older - and I think as yesterday turned quite hot that affected me as well.  I tend now to just want to get what I came for and get out again and don't really enjoy browsing anymore. Then I had to find my way to a dental appointment and I hate driving around areas I don't know in heavy traffic - but got there in the end thank goodness.  So many people are retiring to this area and the town gets bigger and bigger and busier and busier.  I hate not knowing my way in  heavy traffic..

I spend some time chatting with a couple of the neighbours this afternoon - one of them just returned from spending a few days around the Windsor/Kellyville area in Sydney and said what huge expensive homes people there are living in.  When I was younger we used to drive out to those areas because they were out in the country and we had picnics out by the river - now it's all under mile after mile of rooftops.  I really feel quite sad, as I have memories of lovely days picnicking with a friend in the countryside and picking flowers  and visiting little local country craft shops etc - and it's all gone.  I'm glad I have the memories at least.

I remember once driving through the mountains around Kurrajong where the apple orchards were - we used to drive there to pick apples every autumn - anyway one day as I drove along I saw a new foal in a paddock skip and run around for pure joy on a beautiful sunny Spring day and I stopped to watch it - it was running with the pure joy of being alive and it was wonderful to see.

What I liked about that mass I mentioned before was that it was only homeless people who attended - and they seemed to get so much value from it - I think it gave them a short time when they belonged to a community together while they sang and chanted - and a sense of belonging.  So at least they had one place where they were not turned away.

Well I am going to have some dinner and snuggle up under a warm knee rug because the night is turning quite cold.  I wonder if it's getting much colder where you are Paws - and what's it like in your area ER?  

I hope everyone stays warm and snug this evening!

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Hanna, Paws and All,

It’s not cold here at all Hanna. It’s like summer. I’m wearing a t-shirt and shorts and have my sliding door open to let air in. I’ve just been hearing the possum scrambling over the roof and in the garden. I put some water in the bird bath at dusk, thinking the possum may be thirsty. Yesterday another local told me they saw a possum drinking from their bird bath in the middle of the day when they’re normally only active at night. The dry spell here has been intense and with us for about 6 months. People from a nearby settlement are coming in to use the laundromat because they can’t run their washing machines as the rainwater tanks they rely on are running out of water. I read that June is when some reasonable rain will come.

I loved hearing about the frolicking foal Hanna. They are just beautiful and it’s a joy to see them just expressing joyfulness. I do know what you mean about the countryside changing to housing. Even from the suburb I grew up in you could drive to paddocks with horses and areas with market gardens in about 15 minutes. That is all housing now. I too am grateful for the memories of what was there. I think I’ve always been a rural person at heart and that’s why I’ve ended up in the country.

Today on a walk by the river I saw a woman cleaning fish on a stand in the river that’s there for that purpose. The pelicans, gulls, stingrays and eagle rays were all around her hoping for fish scraps. She threw them some scraps and hand fed a particularly persistent eagle ray nudging her legs for some morsels. They are absolute characters. I feel like all the animals here have so much personality, even the local big Bronze Whaler shark that apparently sometimes swims with divers. It’s kind of eccentric and I love that. There’s definitely some local human characters too. I look forward to seeing some whales in the winter.

I hope the weather where you are Paws is suiting you at the moment. It certainly sounds like a lovely spot with the forest and the higher country nearby. I imagine you get quite a range of wildlife visiting you. Australia has an incredible range of environments.

Have a lovely evening and day tomorrow.

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and everyone

I am sorry for the delay in replying, I have been wondering why I am so tired and now realize I am coming down with something as I feel hot and have been in bed for hours even though it's daytime - and I never do this - so my apologies but I have caught some sort of bug/virus.

ER I had to look up digital photography - do you use a special camera or your phone etc - the photos go directly to your computer  is that correct?  And there's no developing to be done?  It must be fun to see them on a screen straight away and can you crop/edit them if you wish?  

The sea life sounds wonderful where you are ER and it must give you a lot of scope with your photography.  I thought of you this morning - I had to go to the supermarket and I stopped to have a coffee out near the sea where there is also a huge field of beautiful old gum trees - the way their branches wrap around and grow in loops and strange angles is just beautiful and I thought how interesting they would be to sketch or photograph.

I got bullied so much at workplaces and I was a sitting duck I had no self confidence and was shy and unsure of myself - confident people just don't have this happen.  I would want to bring kids up feeling condifent in themselves but not stuck up - I've often noticed how confident a lot of Americans seem to be and I think they are brought up to be like that.  It certainly helps you in life.

Puss is snoozing on a thick warm blanket I folded onto the arm chair - it's very chilly with a howling wind here and he is feeling the cold.  He sleeps in the little hut at the bottom of his cat tree and it doesn't look very warm or comfy - I have his nice new bed which is covered and has a thick padded comfy cushion and no matter what I do he refuses to go into it.  I am getting worried about him at night when the temperatures are dropping low.'

There was lots of traffic in town today with a surf carnival on and open air markets so I only did a quick drive to the supermarket.  It's not good weather for the surf carnival, very blustery and chilly but maybe the waves are good.  Sometimes I have watched the surfing competitions and the way the surfers ride the waves is wonderful to watch - I truly admire their skill.  It must feel wonderful when they catch a wave for a long way - they must feel so carefree! 

Paws I hope you are going OK and that you are getting news of your sister and that she is managing all right.  It's an anxious time for you.  I'm glad you have family who keeps in touch with you.

Have a good evening everyone and my apologies for being slow in replying.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Hanna, Paws and All,

Hanna, I hope whatever you’ve come down with doesn’t last long and you feel better soon. Rest as much as you need to. Is there someone you can get to bring some shopping for you if you need it? I had a very kind local pharmacist when I recently had Covid who delivered some prescriptions to my doorstep when I was too ill to go to the pharmacy and couldn’t anyway when infectious. Often people will be able to do something to help. I’m not good at asking for help but it can be a good idea.

The camera I now use is a mirrorless digital camera but before that I had a DSLR (Digital Single Lens Reflex) camera. A DSLR uses a mirror to direct light onto a sensor to record the image, whereas with a mirrorless camera the light goes straight onto the sensor. As a teenager I had an SLR film camera which uses a mirror to imprint the light onto film. Photography really is like magic when you think about it and it must have been astounding to people when invented. The earliest known surviving camera photo is from 1826 or 1827 and it’s called View from the Window at Le Gras. It was created by Frenchman Joseph Nicephore Niepce. You can see the image if you google it. Things like that always fascinate me, that someone worked out how to do it.

I’m so sorry you had that bullying in your workplace. I try to always remember that bullies are weak inside, otherwise they wouldn’t bully others. Yes, it does seem individuals are brought up to be more confident in American society. In my last year of high school two American exchange students came to our school. They were these two girls who were so super confident. They could stand in front of the class and talk with the greatest ease and not a shred of shyness. We Aussie kids were definitely not so confident. I was actually terrified of public speaking and would almost go to pieces if I had to talk in front of the class. I’d really get the shakes it was that bad. At uni I gradually got a little better at it but there were always nerves if I had to do a presentation.

I wonder if kitty will in time go into his new bed as the temperature drops more. Maybe he still has the memory of being hot so recently in the warmer weather and prefers not having anything on him. It’s hard to figure out what is happening for them isn’t it. Maybe he has an association with a bed from a past experience. I guess just keep observing how he goes. I wonder if the place you got him from would have any ideas?

Yes, surfing is incredible isn’t it. There’s been a surf comp near me also and I watched some of it and photographed some of it too. I was practising action shots as they carved up the wave on their surfboards. I used to bodyboard as a kid, first on a foam board when I was quite young and then a more proper bodyboard. I never tried actual stand up surfing though. It was an incredible feeling getting to fly along on a wave. I remember looking back my brother and I skimming on boards over shallow reef and thinking it’s amazing we didn’t have any bad accidents. I used to be very brave in the ocean but I’m much less confident in it now. I do sometimes still swim though and I’ve really enjoyed snorkelling in the past.

Paws, have you ever lived near the ocean or have you always been inland? There are different features in different environments aren’t there. It’s fairly flat here over much of Western Australia though there are a few ranges. It seems like such an ancient weathered landscape over much of the state and drier than some of the areas over east.

I must go off to bed now. After a very still day there is a wind picking up at the moment. It’s a moonlit night too.

I hope the coming week is a good one for you both and anyone else reading too.

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and everyone

There are Utube channels that show very old movie films and they are fascinating to watch - I try to imagine how hard it must have been before photographs when people lost a loved one - they used to put a lock of their hair into a locket on a necklace as a reminder of them - imagine having no photograph to remember anyone by - no wonder people had portraits painted if they could afford it.  When I was a little kid watching my Dad develop photos in the tank in the garage, watching the image appear it seemed magical to me and I was entranced.

Where I lived inland I went to an exhibition of photographs of people who lived there last century - they were found by accident in a box in an old abandoned store that had apparently once belonged to a phtographer.  The phots were fascianting - lots of ones of the local children, the girls in their best Sunday hats, sometimes they were holding their pet dog or cat or pony - very formally positioned, I can imagine having a photograph taken was a big event and also rare back mid-last century.  I really liked that the photographer had photographed the children with their toys or bikes or pets - it gave you some information about them and what sort of thing they liked.  Some held a stuffed toy or doll.  I was trying to imagine what it must have been like to live in that town way back then - the winters must have been so cold without any reverse-cyle heating!

Gosh it was in the mid-30s here today and so hot!  It's difficult to acclimatize when one day is cold and windy/rainy and the next has hot sun and summer temperatures.  I read that Europe is suffering from very hot weather too, I guess it is Spring over there.  It's worrying what is happening to our planet.

I don't know if you have read any books by Tim Winton, the Australian author - I went to talk by him once and he is/was a mad keen surfer - and he told us that riding a wave felt like flying - he got addicted to surfing and said all his mates did wild car driving (he belonged to a pretty wild youth group) and died in car accidents as a result - but he decided to surf instead of dangerous driving, and so he was escapted his mates' fate.  He said when he first watched men surfing, it was the first time he had seen men doing something beautiful and graceful and he was in awe.  I always think of that when I watch the surf board riders here - how graceful and exhilerating it looks.  I guess when I was a young thing it was unusual for girls to surfboard.  

I watched a documentary last night about young dancers competing to get into the prestigious ballet schools like the Royal Ballet or the Paris Ballet.  They must have nerves of steel, going onto the stage alone in front of the panel of judges and all competing for a few places only, and they were all so young!  I really liked a young teenage boy from Colombia - they showed him visiting his family there (he was studying ballet in New York) and they looked a lovely family and clearly very poor.  Colombia looked very poverty stricken.  He was a good looking young man, very striking, and seemed very polite and nice.  I was really hoping he would do well and sure enough, he won the most prestigious prize and got a full scholarship to study at the Royal Ballet Company in the UK - otherwise he would have had to give up ballet as his family had no money to put him through any more training.  I was so pleased for him!  I don't know where those young kids get the self confidence to go onto a stage and dance like that on their own.  I was always such a shy kid!  I guess they start very young and many of them were American and they always seem to be self-confident.

I found what you did too - we had some exchange students from the USA when I was at a girls' high school, and they were such confident public speakers - I don't think Australian kids were encouraged to be self confident like that, Americans seem to be brought up to be confident in themselves.  

i'm not sure of my word count so I'll finish this post here.

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and all

I just had trouble again with the word count and had to cram it all into one paragraph and delete a lot of what I wrote.  It's frustrating not to have a word count!  I'm sorry if it comes off abrupt or confusing.

ER I once when I was 18 went with my family on the Indian Pacific to WA, I loved it there, Perth was lovely and also the botanical gardens - and the colour of the ocean over there!  We also looked at the dancing horses.

It's a beautiful state and the trip across the Nullarbor was fabulous.  I once had a friend who had been a nurse at a town called Cook on the Nullarbor - they had a tiny hospital with two nurses.  She said one of their jobs was to cook a roast dinner for the visting flying doctor when he came there.  It was incredibly remote in the middle of the desert but she said she had a great time there.  I doubt that nurses would be expected to cook a roast dinner for a doctor now though!

I now can't remember what I wrote in the first post and I had to cut bits out and jam it all together... so my apologies if it's rambling or all over the place - I've had trouble two evenings with the word count saying i'm over the limit, but with no word count I don't know by how many words and spaces i'm over...

I decided Kitty doesn't like the cushion in the new bed, so today bought an old single doona and cut it to fit and a soft cashmere-type rug to put on top of the doona - so he now has a wonderfully soft bed that is well padded - but I don't know if he will be brave enough to try it tonight.  The things I do for that cat!

Paws I hope you are OK there, any news of your sister?  '

Wishing everyone a pleasant evening and my apologies for the late reply due to word count issues and cat issues!