Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, ER, wave to everyone,

I see far fewer species of bird here since my neighbour filled in his dam in the paddock next to me.  I do miss the ducks & other water birds I used to see.  I've never had any cockatoos or galahs here, yet when I go the the small village just 10km away it has a resident population of both. Strangely both yesterday & today I have seen a fox out & about in the middle of the day. 

Hanna I am so envious of you seeing a koala from your window, that would be wonderful.  I find just sitting & watching the wildlife very calming & a good way to ground myself.  

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and ER

Wondering if you are getting these gale force winds down your way, Paws?  Overnight the wind has been incredible - I'd like to drive up and take a look at the surf beaches I can imagine the waves!  

The koala was gorgeous but he didn't stay for long - it was a heatwave and he sensibly moved up to denser tree cover (shade).

That's a shame about the dam and now fewer birds... we are next door to a heavily tree'd mountain so lots of birds thankfully.

Kitty has had a scary night with the howling wind and rolling thundertorms and has retreated to sleep it off in his favourite wicker tray on top of the pantry...

I will be back later today I hope... if we don't get blown away!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, ER,

It was a bit blustery here today, the wind was straight off the south pole, but not overly strong.  

Hanna I loved your story of Sam & Shilo "talking", I'm sure Jack would love to see it as he has lost Shilo. I hope you can give him a copy.

I'm not a fan of porcelain dolls, a very old family friend was a hoarder (she had rooms so full they couldn't be entered) & had a very large collection of them that took over every surface in what was her lounge room.  Whenever I see these dolls I think of her & her hoard.  Strange how things can have such a strong association.

I just want to give everyone a heads up in case my replies become very short or I don't reply for a bit.  One of my sisters has terminal cancer & at this stage we don't know if she has weeks or months left.  It has come out of nowhere, just two weeks ago she seemed fine & we were talking about the overseas trip she & her hubby were planning for next year.  I'm trying to keep busy & do things to give my mind a break from worrying.  Sorry to dump this on you all.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Paws and Hanna,

Paws, I am so sorry to hear about your sister. That would have come as a massive shock for all of you. Remember we are here to chat anytime if you need to. Sending much kindness to you all at this time. Just go gently and take things one day at a time. Keeping busy can be a really good thing to do. It can ease the ruminating that can happen when we are worried and I think it can be quite healthy for the mind to have that bit of a break. It will probably take a while to fully take in and process the information. Take care and sending you a warm hug if you would like one.

I too liked the story about Sam & Shilo. I used to live with two staffies whose way of communicating when happy or excited was to bark a lot. I'm sure it was sometimes alarming to some others who heard it and didn't realise it was happy, joyful exuberance that was being expressed.

I loved hearing about the koala too Hanna. We don't have them here so the idea of seeing one in a tree when looking out the window is a novelty. There are some at wildlife parks and the zoo here, so the only places you can see them. I've never seen one in the wild on my visits interstate.

Have a restful evening.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER, Hanna, wave to everyone,

Thank you for the warm hug, I will always take a hug they are comforting even when just cyber ones.

I didn't know that WA doesn't have a wild population of koalas.  Do you know if it did in the past?  There aren't any wild wombats in my half of Victoria because all the early settlers wiped them out. I would love it if the native forests here could have them reintroduced.  I must confess I don't remember what wildlife I saw when I visited WA in the 80s, I do remember all the lovely plants & scenery, but not the animals.  

Speaking of wildlife, the weather may have cooled down here, but it still pays to be snake aware.  I have gotten into the habit of when I open the doors to outside to look before I step.  Just as well I do because if I hadn't I would have stepped on a tiger snake on Tuesday.  My opening the door had set it slithering away, but enough of it was still on the step that I don't think either of us would have been happy had I simply stepped straight out.

Still windy here & I'm keeping fingers crossed we get some of the forecast rain.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Paws, Hanna and All,

No, WA has never had koalas so they have always seemed like exotic animals to me even though they’re Australian. There are some that were introduced to Yanchep National Park just north of Perth in the 1930s that have been kept in enclosures. I’ve seen them at Caversham Wildlife Park and Perth Zoo too. I remember a guide at Caversham Wildlife Park telling us how they move slowly because of their eucalyptus leaf diet which would be like our energy levels if we lived mostly off lettuce. The only wombats in WA are Southern Hairy-Nosed Wombats in the vicinity of the Nullarbor Plain. So they are rarely seen as they are only in sparsely populated areas. I absolutely loved seeing wombats in Tasmania. They have real character. It would be lovely if wombats could come back to your part of Victoria.

I’m very glad you didn’t step on the tiger snake! It can be easy to do and with the persistent warmer weather they can still be about. I had a tiger snake slither off the track in front of me just across the road from here a few weeks ago. I came very close to stepping on a dugite in Perth, one of the venomous snakes in WA. Luckily the snake saw me and literally threw itself off the walking path as I was oblivious until it moved. After jumping off the path it sat with its head up but not flattened which I know is a good sign as they only go to strike if they flatten their head. He or she was just understandably in defensive mode. Dugites are actually very shy and will not bother you if you don’t bother them.

I’m hoping for rain too Paws. A small possibility of rain is forecast in the coming days. Right now I’m sitting by my glass sliding door looking into the backyard and so many birds are enjoying the garden. It’s a bit overcast and they often seem more active in those conditions, plus it is cooling a bit here too.

I hope you are both having a lovely day.

Big hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all,

Yikes I haven't come across any snakes in this area so far, although I'm sure there must be.  Back where I lived in the Central West they were always around in the summer, along the river in the long grass especially and you really had to watch your dog out walking.  I remember after the river flooded one time a lot of snakes got washed down the river and ended up in the nearby park - I just arrived there to walk my dog and some people warned me the snakes were everywhere - it was like a horror movie they literally covered the ground!  Needless to say we left very fast - no walks in the park that day!  I was still amazed at friends who insisted on still taking their dogs through the long grass to the river for a swim - they said it was fine but the local vet had a notice on their door giving the number of dogs that had died from snake bite that summer and it was massive - no way would I have risked it.  

It was quite warm today but it's cooling down fast here now.  I watched a fabulous documentary the other day, called The Cave of Forgotten Dreams, about the Chauvet caves in France where they discovered the amazing paintings of animals that are thousands of years old.  It was mesmerizing the paintings are so beautiful.  

I had a couple of appointments today and somehow the day has gone by quickly.  I have never seen a wombat live ER, that would be terrific - it sounds such an interesting area where you live!  Paws do be careful if you have snakes about...

Kitty is becoming very affectionate and he sure talks a lot - he meaows a lot and sometimes I'm not sure what he's talking about, but he's definitely chatty!  He's discovered the armchair where I have left a warm fluffy blanket and he blisses out there.  He has the quietest purr, you have to listen hard to hear it.

Did a major declutter of the linen closet and wardrobe yesterday which always makes me feel good.  Did the pantry the other week.  I learnt in the Central West to do decluttering in bites - do one bit and take a break, not to ever try to do a whole heap at one go.  

Well I am hunkering down under something warm tonight,the wind is picking up here and it's going to be a chilly night.  ER what's the weather like there, is it still warm and/or are you getting chilly nights yet?  Paws I imagine where you are the nights are cooling down a lot.  It's a shame you don't have the dam nearby anymore, I can imagine that would have attracted some lovely birdlife.

I've just signed a letter to the govt for Animals Australia, opposing live sheep transport - that recent ship full of sheep has been in limbo for over 100 days, I think it's dreadful. 

Keep warm and snug everyone!  Paws I hope there is some good news about your sister soon - treatment is so good these days. 

[Hanna3]

Hi ER & Paws

ER, do you watch any photography channels on Utube at all?  I was wondering because I lurk on reddit (I read but don't post) and there was a discussion about good photography channels on Utube and a couple of the suggestions were a guy called James Popsys (in the UK) and also The Photographic Eye (he seems to be in the UK too).  I had a brief look and they both look pretty interesting!  You might know these or others already but I just wondered if these would be intersting for you?  

I find Googling around reddit - I peruse Reddit Australia quite often to keep up with the news - can be informative if you ignore all the silly discussions but have a particular interest.  Some of the photos I saw on these two channels were pretty nice.

There was a recent video on reddit which warmed my heart - several wild elk had stepped onto thin ice and fallen into freezing water and were drowning - several men including people driving past stopped to help - a man with a chainsaw managed to cut through the ice and all the men got the elks out - both the animals and the men must have been freezing but it was so good to see people just trying to save the poor animals and it looked like a heavy job in freezing conditons.

Paws I hope you are not feeling too sad tonight and that you might have some hopeful news about your sister soon?  Thinking of you... I wish you had that new puppy to cuddle at times like this!

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER, Hanna, wave to everyone,

ER I just read an article on the ABC news site (from yesterday) about how the dry weather in the south of WA is causing a "forest collapse" rather like a bleaching event that hits corals.  It reminded me of you saying that many plants near you were dying with the long dry period.  The article stated that "Members of the community who may have noticed trees and other flora drying and dying are being urged to become citizen scientists and utilise the Dead Tree Detective, a website where people can upload locations and photos to help track this event."  As you are often out taking photos I thought you might be interested.

Hanna that documentary about the cave paintings sounds interesting, was it a dvd or on tv.  I find all history interesting, but the Paleolithic to the Neolithic periods fascinates me the most. How much effort they put into doing things like those paintings is incredible.

It sounds like kitty is finally starting to feel safer & more settled.  I love that he has become chatty & I'm sure whatever he is chatting about must be important.  Wouldn't it be lovely if we could understand what our pets are talking about & to be able to explain things to them.

The weather has done a complete flip here from summer to winter as the days now are barely making the mid to high teens.  Some Autumn rains would go down well with the farmers hereabouts.

The fox has put in another day time appearance.  I'm wondering if it a young one just kicked out of home & looking for it's own range as usually it is only in the dawn or dusk that they come out. 

My sister has tumors in a number of major organs as well as in her spine & brain. They are starting her on chemo for the organs then radiation for the brain in an attempt to slow the progress, but there won't be any remission or cure.  How long she has will depend on how her body responds to treatment.  She is determined to stay positive & to fight this as best she can. Now the initial shock at such a sudden diagnosis has worn off, I'm much calmer & having gone through similar with other relatives (including nursing dad through his cancer) I'm just going to concentrate on supporting her & her hubby, children.  It might sound strange, but I have found in the past you can still make happy memories with your loved one even in such difficult times.

big hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws

I'm just here briefly - it was hot here in the middle of the day and now the wind has picked up and it's getting cold - it's like two completely different seasons in one day here.  I wear summer clothes during the day and then by mid afternoon I have to change into something warmer...

I am sorry about your sister, I don't know how old she is, are her children all grown up?  That it's so spread doesn't sound good and I hope she is kept comfortable and not in any discomfort.  We are reaching the age group where things start going wrong and I have already lost two very dear friends over the past few years.  

I play DVDs - I don't like relying in things like Netflix etc as they won't always have what I want to watch.  I got it on Ebay and I never pay very much - I screen the sellers' feedback very carefully and have a few sellers I know are always reliable.  I recently had a problem with one DVD but as I know the seller I asked him if he knew how to solve the issue and he did and was most helpful.  I get ideas for documentaries from reddit where people ask for recommendations and this one was mentioned.  I love watching good documentaries.  It was quite moving looing at these beautiful drawings made by humans thousands and thousands of years ago, and wondering who they were and what it was like to live back then - and them never knowing that all these years later humans would discover the caves and their paintings would be known throughout the world,it's hard to comprehend it all.  I have another one out about the last days of Anne Frank which won't be cheerful but it's good to learn about these things.  I also have one out on the effects of social media on children and teenagers - I enjoy watching these and hope I am also picking up some general knowledge...

ER it sounds like your environment is suffering like ours here from lack of rain - we have dead and dying trees everwhere and in the winds large branches fall off as the trees are weakened.  

I had a nice chat with an old friend out west last night, he's an elderly bachelor retired sheep farmer whose only remaining sister recently passed on and he is feeling the loss badly - he is the youngest of twelve siblings and says he is "the last man standing" as he is the only one remaining now from his family.  He never married so has no children and has found making friends in the town since he moved off the land, difficult.  I think the phone chat cheers him up, we know the same people so that's a help.  

I purchased Kitty two horizontal scratching posts from Kmart - they are shaped like a wave and the reviews were favourable - well my kitty doesn't understand they are for sharpening his claws and he has decided they make a nice cat seat.  Oh well, as long as he's comfortable I guess - but it means he's still using the arm of the sofa to sharpen his claws instead... sigh.

Roddy Kanaka on Sitting with Dogs had a small terrier on the recent video and the poor creature was trembling all over from fear, but as usual it ended up sitting in his lap.  He made an observation I thought was quite amusing and probably pretty true - he said Great Danes think they are little, and little dogs think they are big guys.  I always thought little Sam thought he was a big tough guy, he used to fend off big dogs who dared to try to come near me.  I was sitting talking with this farmer one day in the dog park and Sam kept growling and barking at any dog who came near and my friend pointed out Sam was guarding me - Sam loved the farmer's elderly dog which had a limp, and he used to guard Toby and chase away any other dog who came near him.  Dogs are marvellous!

Sending you kind thoughts as you worry for your sister Paws.