Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

BTW Paws, Lady Freethinker is a registered not for profit charity organization and was voted one of the best charities in the USA in 2022.

They also connect with The Monkey Sentinel, who does not take money at all for the videos presented.

I volunteer for both organizations.  So far we have managed to get several channels of animal abuse removed. 

I've never been asked for money by them, and have never given any.  All of us are simply volunteers who do connect with these organizations online regularly for updates. 

I am always pleased when I get an email from Utube informing me they have removed a video I've reported, it's so satisfying!   

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna,

I thought you would have checked out this group before helping them, I do tend to get up on my soapbox about scammers when my mother hen trait kicks in. It is wonderful that you are having success with getting some taken down. Yayy!!! 

I do wonder about young people taking up smoking these days, with all the info about how bad it is for you , plus the cost, I don't understand why they do it. I grew up in a smoking household, so just took it up as a young person as everyone around me smoked & it was acceptable back then. It took me years before I succeeded in giving it away. I wish I knew then what I know now about how bad it is for you, because I would never have started.

Another subject I tend to get up on my soap box about is I do wish people would educate themselves about the different dog breeds & their needs before getting a dog. Just because someone thinks it is cute or because of some social trend is not good enough. I have discounted many breeds that are lovely dogs, while looking at what breed to get this time, just because I couldn't give that breed what it would need from it's owner. It is like people buying from puppy farms because they have to have a dog right now, rather than wait for a litter from a reputable breeder or getting a rescue dog. 

Until I have finished all the projects I have set myself I am not even allowing myself to contact breeders. When I do, I know I will most likely have quite a wait as neither breed I am thinking of has many breeders in Australia. The Field Spaniel is a rare breed & the Irish Setter is not in fashion these days. Both import genetics from overseas to widen the gene pool here. 

Have you started looking for a new friend yet?

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

No worries, I knew about these animal welfare organizations long ago and have been following them for ages, they try to do good work and it's an uphill battle - utube doesn't like removing videos because that's how they make money!

I was tired out last night and hoping for an early night but my elderly friend from where I lived before rang for a long talk.... he's so lonely poor man - so I ended up chatting and got to bed far too late.  It looks hot today - yesterday's lunch out was tiring and I hate that they only serve deep fried stuff.

I am off to grab a coffee at a favourite outdoor cafe.  I am reading The Philosopher's Dog by Raimond Gaita, it's interesting.

Chat later on, have a good day everyone

[Hanna3]

Hi again all,

Had to dash out this morning so couldn't finish posting.  I like muts rather than any pedigree - Sam was a Szhitzu- Maltese cross, with Maltese snout, which is better, and Schitzu temperament.  I'd be happy with another of these, or a small poodle cross, but have to check temperament.  I simply like a smallish intelligent dog that is good-natured and can live in a smallish place but likes walks - so good temperament, social - which is up to me to encourage of course.  I took Sam everywhere and let everyone pat him so he was not scared or bad temperered and just liked everyone.  So I go on temperament rather than breed.  i also prefer a boy.

One fellow i know here has a tiny miniature poodle he paid thousands for, but it doesn't appeal to me at all - she seems to have no character.  

I won't look until the New Year - we are heading into Christmas now, so next year after that's all over.  I'm quite happy to get another rescue dog - little Sam was a rescue pup.  

Yes I know some people buy an exotic dog to show off - I'm quite content with a mutt!  

I am sure you will find another dog you like in due course - it's fun looking.  

It's very hot here today which I don't like... going to have a quiet evening!

[mmMekitty]

Hello Paws & Hanna & everyone

Hanna, Mekitty died 7-8 years ago. At this time, I'm not thinking of getting another cat. I would like a cat to have a safe area outside available to them. Then I also want to be sure I can have some help looking after the cat. Then I also think, am I going to be tripping over the cat, especially if it doesn't learn to make noise whenever I am near. But now, I think more of whether or not I could continue to have one as the years go by, if my physical health deteriorates or as my senses deteriorate further, as my memory declines, too .... how realistic is it for me to continue to imagine having another cat?

If I did, I'd certainly be happy to go to a rescue place, again. 

Many of the breeds will have problems bred into them because breeders wanted specific characteristics, which, sadly, can result in health problems. If I was to get a well-bred pedigree animal, I'd choose very carefully.

Paws, we had a Cocker Spaniel when I was young. She was a lovely dog, who had no interest in mating... I think she was bonded to my father. She'd follow him around all day long. Sometimes though, she would go to sleep under the bed. I'd know because of her summery, earthy smell.

I also think Irish Setters are beautiful dogs.

Of-course, being a red cat, I am biased in favour of red hair.

That's wonderful work you are doing Hanna, to get those post of cruelty taken down. Well done.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty Paws everyone

Cats are a trip hazard for sure - so are small dogs like little Sam - I have missed seeing him several times and almost trodden on him!  

Had a coffee with a neighbour here unexpectedly - we ran into each other at the supermarket - she is having bad problems with the neighbours next to her - we had a good chat together.  I have problems with my neighbours smoking all day and the smoke is pouring into my unit and I get severe asthma.  There are no regulations here about smoking in public areas, so I will probably need to move to another place as I get sick.  My doctor has given me a medical report to hand over.

The channels that dress baby monkeys in clothes make up to 10 to 20 thousand dollars per month - Americans in particular pay them huge money and even send them gifts. It's incredible.

I'm tired so this is just a brief post.  Hope everyone has a good evening.

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty, Hanna,

mmMekitty I did look at Cocker Spaniels as a possible new furry friend, they are a lovely dog. But these days they have so many possible inherited health issues, plus it does not appear that there are any 'across breed' efforts to breed for health & weed out these issues, that I crossed them off my list.

By the by, it isn't just cats that are a trip hazard, so are Great Danes, well Woofa was for sure.

Hanna I agree it would be best if you move with you getting there smoke inside your home. The smell would get into your curtains etc as well which can't be nice for you either. It is such a pity though that you even have to think about moving yet again. Would you stay in beach town?

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, mmMekitty and all

Mmekitty there are entire articles on the internet on how not to trip over your cat!  They talk about how cats wrap themselves around your feet and legs and how many elderly women have falls over their cats!  Who knew it was such a thing!  They recommend putting food and water bowls out of areas where you walk and always look ahead of you and assume the cat is always near your feet.  

The thing is, having a pet for anyone living alone is such a mental and physical health benefit - pets are so good for people who live alone.   I guess you have to weigh up the pros and cons.  A bright collar and bell on the cat might help.

Paws not sure, we have a terrible manager here and the units are going to rack and ruin - there is no maintenance done - I have water coming through the bathroom ceiling for 8 months now and it's still not fixed, I have to leave a bowl underneath it at all times to catch the water.  We have elderly women alone who are housed next door to men out of prison who are violent and on drugs.  It's a bad situation.  Plus I am asthmatic and the smoke pours through my unit day and night.  

I am putting in for a transfer to Housing Plus because that has villas with a courtyard.  Am getting another reference from a dear friend.  The other nice neighbour I chatted with yesterday and I agreed that as older women living alone we don't think it is OK to house us next to these violent men and neither of us feels safe.  Plus we have no heating or cooling or insulation yet again.  Housing Plus has these - so I might as well get on the queue and hope my age bumps me up!

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws & everyone

I ran into that lady with the Dalmation in the dog park this afternoon Paws.  She is what I dislike - an older woman buying a very young, energergetic, large dog.  Another couple came in with their dog and the Dalmation was jumping up eager to say hello and the lady was swearing while she tugged at the lead trying to control the Dalmation.  She is 6 months old and an energetic young pup!  There were no other dogs there so she had been alone with her owner until the new dog came in, so naturally she wanted to say hello and run around with this dog, but the owner yanked her out and into her car.  I thought that was just the time to have the Dalmation play with the new dog, which was a young one too.  

I have a real problem with old people getting big young dogs.  I think it's unfair on the dog - you need energy to give them all the exercise and training they need.  Anyway that's my thoughts, wonder what you think?  

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, wave to all,

Hanna having a leak in your ceiling like you have is awful, I can't believe they are allowed to get away with not fixing it immediately. Is there a higher organizational level you can complain to? Regardless I agree you need a better place to live.

I don't think being older should by itself should preclude someone from having a large or energetic dog, I had a neighbour where I used to live, who always had Dobermans & continued to even through his 70s & 80s. Even in his later years, he would walk 2 dogs at once & walked them 3 times a day, along with doing continual training & just playing. His dogs were the best behaved dogs I have ever met, he had complete voice control with them, they never pulled or ignored his commands even when off the leash dogs ran up to them. It sounds like the Dalmatian owner needs training herself. Regardless of the size of a dog they all need training, especially impulse control. From what you describe she isn't doing what is needed to train her dog. Even if she didn't feel she had good enough voice control to let the Dalmatian off it's leash, it was a perfect opportunity to teach her dog about behaving calmly even in exciting situations, especially at that age when they want to test boundaries. If her dog is fear aggressive or the like then she shouldn't take it to dog parks, pulling it away when another dog appears will just make things worse. I am curious as to why she chose a Dalmatian & how much she knows about the breed. I always worry with people getting Dalmatians that they do so because of the film 101 Dalmatians. 

I've slept away most of this week, I'm struggling & I can't put my finger on why I've hit this down patch.

Hugs

Paws