Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

I'm not returning to BB, mmMekitty, but I couldn't not respond when I saw Paws post about Woofa. I don't even check in here any more, but I hope everyone is well and I send warmest wishes to you all. I hope Grandy is keeping well.

Paws, Woofa has been your companion for a long time. You will miss him very much. I wonder if, after a bit of time, you might find another dog who needs a loving home?

I'm just so sorry. I know what a loss this must be. It must feel strange and empty without him around.

He was loved and cared for. So many pets don't get even that.

There is a website called Rainbow Bridge, it's for people who have lost a pet. It might be helpful?

Little Sam and I send you caring thoughts and warm, caring hugs.

💖🌹🌹🌹🥀🌼

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws and everyone….🤗..

I am pleased to hear your doing as well as you can be doing dear Paws…🤗…I like the idea of putting beautiful Woofa’s and his favourite toy’s ashes in a pot and placing a plant in it….A beautiful memorial for your special friend….

Hi Hanna, it’s nice to know that you’re doing okay and you’ve moved back to a coastal town…I really hope that your life continues to be a good life…🤗🤗..

Hugs everyone with kind thoughts.

Grandy.

[mmMekitty]

Hanna, I understand. the Rainbow Bridge sounds like a wonderful idea - I may check it out myself. Relatively speaking, I am doing fine, thank you. All my best to you & Sam.

*

Dear Paws,

Woofa has definitely found a way into my heart, too. I've been thinking of him & Mekitty quite often these last few days. & this thinking leads me to think of other animals I've known in my life. There's not a one that I don't remember with fondness.

Hugzies to everyone,

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy, mmMekitty,

Hannah it is lovely to hear from you, I have been wondering how you & Sam have been going. It's good to know you have found a place more suitable for you & that Sam has rediscovered his beach walks. I hope the new neighbours are nicer than the old ones you last had in beach town. When I'm ready I will be getting another dog as I can't imagine my life without one. 

mmMekitty I have been remembering past pets as well this week, how each one came into my life & all the ways they wormed themselves into my heart. I've also been remembering getting Woofa & all the things he got up to especially in those crazy puppy days.

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi to Paws, Grandy, mmMekitty and all,

There are several loss of pet sites even where you can talk to people and leave a pic of your dog/cat. I hope you do get a new dog after a while Paws.

Thanks all for your messages. It isn't perfect here and I came to like lots of things where I was, but the offer of ground floor walk to shops here came up and getting older it seemed sensible. Some of the neighbours are bad, I am in a quiet corner looking onto garden and it's lovely to have the sea so close. Evening walks on the beach are so nice. But yes I will miss the seasons and a few friends. I'm still in touch with my neighbour Rosemary and she said my house was renovated after I left, but it's still empty!

I'm cosy in the unit here and little Sam is good.

Hugs to all from us here! 🌹💖💕🐶

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws and Everyone,

I’m so glad you have the comfort of those memories of Woofa, including what he got up to in his puppy days. I feel their spirit really stays with you always. I have lived with other people’s dogs several times in the past and one in particular would be like a shadow, always following me and wanting to be with me. I still feel her presence now and find myself talking to her internally as if she is there, and it’s reassuring somehow. So I’m sure you are always going to have the comforting presence of Woofa’s beautiful spirit.

It’s lovely you will be getting another dog when you feel ready. They are truly the most beautiful beings. Take care and gentle hugs, ER

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws

I had to stop without finishing before because I didn't know if I was over the word count!

I did want to say how much the friendship with you all has meant to me. Grandy I know you've been going through tough times with your health and I hope your neighbour is still there to help, you are a very compassionate person. The world needs more people like you. MmMekitty I know you have some noisy neighbours - the trouble here now is drugs. Several of the tenants are dealing. I never knew it was such a problem here.

Paws you are a kind lady and I know the next dog will be well loved and cared for.

If it's OK, I will pop by once in a while just to say hi.

Thank you again for the friendship all of you. 🌹🌹

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER, Hanna, 

ER may I say I'm not surprised that a friends dog followed you about. I read along with the exercise thread & from the way you interact with nature, especially wildlife, I'm sure that the dog knew you could be trusted completely.

Hanna of course it's ok to pop in whenever you want, I think one of the lovely thing about the forums is there is no pressure to join in or post, everyone seems to understand. Having dealing going on near you must be stressful, we have crimestoppers here in Vic where you can anonymously report such things, if NSW has something similar it would be worth reporting them.

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

I'm sure Crimestoppers is national. I'm highly suspicious of some neighbours with regards to buying/dealing. Sadly, addiction is not uncommon. I have a  lot of trouble identifying individuals, though, so what good is vague suspicion? I have phoned police when people get aggressive, hoping nothing awful happens & if it does, that they can sort it out, maybe arrest as necessary, just perhaps, get the idea into their head that other neighbours have a right to a peaceful environment.

how are you, today,Paws? I'd love to sit & have a cuppa with you. If I could share photos I would.... I lost so many good photos when my PC crashed, early 2021. Pseudo-snapshots appear in my mind, like glimpses of the original photos I took. 

Those days of kittenhood, like puppyhood, filled with fun & play, the cheekiness too, how wonderful were those days - barely a year for cats, but so precious.

If I'm ever in a position to have another cat, I would love to have a tiny kitten to raise again.

If I am in a position to have a dog, I'd like a puppy.

It's more complicated with dogs, training, & being able to keep up with them, their need for more activity & social interactions in their lives. I'm still unsure if I'd be a good 'parent'.

I would love to see you around sometimes, Hanna. I have admired your intelligent, thoughtful & kind responses to people you've talked to here.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty,

I will just pop over to the cafe & put the kettle on so we can have that cuppa together. I'm thinking as it is dawn how about a yummy bowl of porridge with milk or would you prefer something more fishy to satisfy the little kitten in you. 

I've had more exercise this week than I had over the whole first nine months of this year. I decided on Monday that I needed to start sorting out Woofa's things, but as the thought of focussing on them just made me cry, I changed my focus to doing a full deep clean of the house. I've been washing walls & skirting boards & literally scrubbing my floors the old fashioned way, even though I have to sit on my butt to do it as I can't kneel. I've been moving furniture & cleaning it as well. For some reason I'm finding I am more motivated at night than during the day so that is when I have been doing it.

I have washed all of his coats & dog blankets, but as well I've done my washing, towels, bedding etc & all the couch throws, all of that clean washing is piling up on the chair in my room. I want to get it all washed before sorting so his things aren't the centre of what I'm folding. I am also trying to focus on what I have achieved rather than how much is left to do. 

The house is so empty without my big boy gallumping about, I'm missing him so much.

Hugs

Paws