Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paw 🐾...

Im sorry sweety that your not feeling well..Please stay snuggled up under some fluffy warm blankets, along with Woofa and his new teddy 🧸..

Just popping in with some chocolate marshmallows, a comforting hot chocolate drink...a bunch of wild flowers...and a big juicy bone for Woofa...and a lovely fluffy and soft cuddly giraffe for you..filled with lavender scented crystals...

Please get well soon lovely Paws...my love, care and some of those calming Hubble hugs...🦋💜🤗🤗🌹..

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello EM,

It's lovely that you are able to feel hopeful about trying a new treatment. May I make a suggestion, I used to take a notebook so I could write down what things I was supposed to try or aim towards because I could never remember it afterwards. Just a thought you might find it helpful.

Good sleep patterns are something many of us here struggle with, myself included. Do feel free to share how you go.

Take care

Paws

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Thank you sweet lass for all the lovely treats. I just saw on yours that you are not too well either, I hope you are keeping your fluids up & resting snuggled on the couch with your furs.

Huggily hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Heya our lovely Paws 🐾 and all 😊

Paws deary I'm mostly 😁 mentioning this because I know you acknowledge and reply to people. Don't worry about a reply lovey but the post on 14th May above ecomamas (hi darl ☺) I think you may have missed.

It's just that for an age I've been meaning to get to you and voila finallly got there ☺

Want you to know you are supported by me as well and I care very much about you as I know you do about us.

Don't feel bad lovey it's all good...well 😄 ...unless 🕵️‍♀️...it was intentional dear Watson...🔎😆 which of course I know...🤔 hymmm... just muckin with you hun.

Should have said before the rave really do hope you're ok darl.

Truth there's several people present/past that are in my thoughts you're one of them lovely

🤗 think hugs are ok for you?

Take care Paws and everyone ☺Oh like your avitar too

🥜dog bone...well it's not but don't tell woofa that 😄

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

I'm sorry lass I did miss your earlier post.

I have been reading along on yours, all your lovely chats/support with our lovely gentle soul Grandy. The friendship the two of you have is very special.

You haven't said, but I'm hoping your last lot of carbuncles has finally cleared. It's bad enough having all your other aches & pains. I'm keeping fingers & paws crossed for your sake that the doctors/hospitals will soon be back to normal treating everyone & you can get some relief from the pain. I might just whisper in Mr Deebi's ear to remind you to chase up appointments when they reopen for them, though I think he will be gently reminding you anyway. Ummm well yes this is me being a mother hen.

Speaking of Mr Deebi I still smile every time you mention him. It is so wonderful the love you have for him that leaps out from your words.

If you're not comfortable around dogs I promise not to bring Woofa to any future picnics under the stars. Which would probably for the best as he would definitely eat the lot & then try to sit in everyone's lap. Danes don't understand personal space.

Sending you big hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey Pawsy 🐾 and everyone ☺

Lovey I read this around when you posted yikes what happened to that time...vroooom..🕞

Hope the days are being kinder to you darl it's so damned hard isn't it being trapped in depression. I really do hope you can find your way through it hun.
Never good knowing lovelies are down and struggling.

That's nice hearing you read along ☺
Grandy, she really is a beautiful gentle soul indeed. The dear lady touches so many hearts 💜

Thanks for asking huns yip the horrible suckers have choofed phew they were starting to pain more. Antibiotics again! Someone I heard in rl had 13 at once phoo.

😊 Mother hens very caring and welcome thank you hun but I think you're although kind asking after me forgetting that this is your thread me lovely ⚘

Woofa sounds gorgeous. What if we gave him his own table seat and plates of doggy bags 😄with his own large playpen to stride around then we could visit him often so he knows we still love him

I love too hearing you chatting with Grandy. I like your knowledge convo and deliveries of 🍫 choccy ...wait up .. 🤔...we haven't trained you yet to break into Peppys choccy empire have we...mental note 🗒📌..🤤 ..I say.. OUCH!..evennn...🦊...must teach Paws to drive the state of the art bulldozer 🛴as fast as possible into the big rubber walls...failing that... train her in elite helicopter 🚂 choccy retrieval.

Sleep well.
Think of something good that gives you a happy before you sleep and on waking.
Feel that same feeling you felt when it made you happy at first.

Look after yourself dear Paws. Pleasure knowing you ☺🐾🕊

✨

🤗

[Paw Prints]

I’m saying all of this out loud in an attempt to understand what I’m struggling with & confirm that I know the irrational/idiotic thoughts I’ve been having are not reality.

Remember.... Steps forward…… Steps back……. Steps forward……

The constant tears have stopped…. Yay!!

I’m managing to take my meds each day…. Yay!!

I’m not suicidal… Yay!!!

I want to make changes…!!

Everything else is a mess……………………………….

My lack of self care… My disastrous diet… My lack of exercise… My excess weight… My non-existent fitness… My sleep patterns… My disinterest in my hobbies… My failure to maintain my home… My failure to maintain my garden… My health issues…. My comfort eating… My irrational fears…

So I’ve been trying to think of things that might help…..

1. Face my fears

I am not being watched when I go outside… I have to fight this fear/feeling

Woofa will not die if I have a clean & tidy house… I have to fight this fear/feeling

The bad dreams/nightmares… aren’t every night, I do have periods without them

I am hearing/smelling things not really there…. Accept it only lasts for a short time

2. Face my ingrained patterns/reactions

I am going to start keeping a notebook to try to keep track of moods.. diet.. exercise.. activities… I hope this will help me see how my actions affect my moods & my moods affect my actions… then I can try & make the changes I need….

I’ve started using the pedal machine to gently ease back into exercise.

I’m going back to having meal plans & only buy foods to make each meal.

I’m going to have more structure to my days

I will spend the next few days trying to think of things that might help

I will start the notebook/changes from the 1st September & review weekly.

[demonblaster]

So good to see you dear Paws 🐾 hi everyone 👋

Ahh darlin you're having a time of it you poor love.
This is one of my special hugs 🤗 lovey.
It's for as long as you'd like it then after that the warmth energy and strength remains but only when you think about how it helped you.
You need to feel it lovey.

Oh darl it really is so hard isn't it.
Something that I find helps is knowing & reiterating mentally that this type of anxiety I assume and depression can be overcome in time with learning how and practice.

I've realised with depression and anxiety that I suspect both have their ugly heads in with most mh probs control our thinking.

We can take control back when we become aware of our thoughts.

Firstly it was suggested here and I think the course I did ? Mindspot to challenge the thought

• Is it rational
• Why do I think it will happen
That kind of thinking can redirect our minds to more rational thought.

The following I find helps a bit.
• IF it happened, at the time I'd have to deal with it then there'd be no choice.
• We burn up a lot of negative energy often with empty scenarios. Our thoughts need to be guided elsewhere if they're empty thoughts with no value.

If we can work on acting on the when not the If it'll happen. Though not a bad thing imo scanning possibilities to prevent.
It's when our minds hyperfocus is the prob. That's where disraction helps no end.

When a negative thought comes try thinking of the opposite hun or close to.
If not something positive like
• Your garden
• A sunny day
• Feeling the warmth of sun
• The light
• Hearing the birdies
• Woofa which is no: 1 of course ☺

Many down thoughts are unfounded they're the ones we can use distraction on.

I feel sorry for you Pawsy living alone well not because of gorgeous Woofa but you get my drift eh ☺
You're so kind helping others so much and hardly post about yourself. I'm glad you have but sad hearing the rot you're up against.

It's sounding though that you're starting to get a hold on part of this Pawsy love.
Baby steps is the easiest way because it's already overwhelming enough.

Talk anytime Pawsy.
You matter.
🐅🐾🤗🕊🌞⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws 🐾,

I am so pleased you posted on your thread..as our beautiful Deebi said..you don’t much post here or talk about you..

Deebi has given you some good suggestions...very wise lassy our Deebi...

Your description of what you’re struggling through is a very accurate description of depression...

I like the notebook your going to start...Your wanting to know what is effective your moods is such a great idea..and knowing how and what parts need helping is good insight..and a place to start...always one step forward..it doesn’t matter how many times we step backwards..as long as we keep taking that one extra step forward, we then slowly take more forward steps....

I haven’t now for 7 years planned my meals..I usually just buy what is on special or what’s easy to cook...Meal planning sounds good...and can be more healthier because we allow for our 5 food groups...

The pedals do help to get our blood circulating and muscles stronger, I hope...I do them somedays but not everyday...

Paws, If you have Woofa outside with you..he would bark and alert you if anyone or anything is around....

Talk here anytime dear Paws...

we are always here for you lovely lady as you are for us and many others...Please dear Paws...be gentle and kind to you..it’s the biggest first step we should take on our road to wellness...

Kindest thoughts...🤗🦋.my care and hugs..💜🤗..

Grandy..

[ecomama]

Hi Paws

Thankyou for welcoming me to your thread way back. I bought a big notebook for notes on my sessions but that ended up being a book about my learnings and 'where to next'.
I wrote on my thread some of what happened and got great feedback too.

In summary; the psych was intense... but clearly I needed that. During and between the 1st 3 sessions, I was able to work through major triggers with exposure therapy & CBT and she taught me how to do it on my own. Then pretty much the garbage happened... bit by bit psych was bringing in things that were NOT a problem to me... she was cleverly undermining my confidence and in the end shamed me over being in a DV marriage.
One more session and she was still collecting data and doing the undermining and shaming attempts. She didn't do EMDR which was fine. I don't think I need that now.

Thank goodness I'd studied Brene Brown! Ta Da!
And I have a lovely psych friend who I bounce things off.

I ended my sessions at 7.

I kept my Uniting Care (formally Unifam) Counsellor throughout. Yesterday she totally agreed that I stop my sessions with that psych as she indeed had no idea about DV. Zero.

But I was glad to get alot out of the sessions and beat the major PTSD triggers that were negatively affecting my life.

At some point I plan to look into Somatic Experiencing therapy with an American psych.
Apparently the ones here aren't much chop compared to those in the U.S.

Sleepy 21 put me onto Kristen Neff for self-care, that was immensely helpful.
The works that boosted my MH the most were books & meditations from Dr Joe Dispenza. He's a miracle worker.

It's one thing getting through our MH issues and another thing putting Mental Health and what it looks like for us as a goal in incremental steps. Baby steps are still steps forward. Being grateful all the while for any achievements along our journey.

It's way too easy to slip back into "the known" territory of MI and I felt that pull tremendously after session 3. To overcome that I kept practising gratitude and doing the 5 things I can hear, smell etc..

Loving life.

Paws we have a cooking thread here I started. There are lots of nice and easy recipes.
If you can pop in there, it may give you some nice things to make. I might put another few recipes on soon.

Thankyou
EM