social networking and depression/anxiety

[Progmaster]

I am interested how people with depression and anxiety deal with social networking sites like Facebook. I have Bipolar II and am also Asperger's. I am worried people I am friends with block my statuses and tags which makes me over-analyse the situation and not know where I stand with them, especially when they are sometimes stand-offish with me face to face even though they know about my condition and know I am trying to improve myself with exercise etc. I have deliberately started posting less because when I don't get likes from people I want to get likes from, I start thinking they are snubbing me or are sick of me and have blocked my statuses. Sorry if this seems whiny or self-pitying but I am prone to analyse the smallest detail to the nth degree. If I brought this up in a conversation it would seem petty or ridiculous but this stuff unfortunately really gets in my head and I am interested if anyone else worries they might have alienated other people (not deliberately) and that perceived snubbing on social networks needlessly increases anxiety and depression. 

[white knight]

Hi Progmaster.   Great post. wow!

I also have bipolar 2, anxiety depression and dysthymia. My troubles with social media began 6 years ago. I was on a forum then and was bullied. I'm 58yo and had worked in prisons and security most of my life. Regardless...nothing prepared me for the nastiness that would come along.

So I relied on the club committee to deal with it. Haha, no such luck there "a storm in a tea cup" was the comment. Then 3 years later it happened again. This time I'd take the matter in my own hands and front the coward at a show and shine. All it did was give reason for many witnesses to alienate me.

My conclusion was and still is....best to keep a low profile, live on the fringe of clubs and groups because regardless of the many advances in attitudes toward the mentally ill, it has a long way to go.

Social media is an efficient form of human communication- great. But it also has a down side. Ease of people chatting (gossiping) is one. Trolls...you dont know who they are until the slightest disagreement then whammo...a nasty comment etc.  And I too took likes and no likes as a form of opinion of me. The parallels of you and my approach to Facebook is surprising to me. We are no longer alone lol.

So what have I done for my protection?  Well I've reduced my Facebook friends from 180 to 45.  I've blocked 12 that are not providing me with a positive feel, indeed at risk of negative hurtful comments, often judged by their harsh comments. Other ideas are- when meeting a distant neighbour in town I keep my conversation to a nice length of time, enough to seem friendly then move on. Reduce contact with friends and family that are toxic. etc.

Sadly you cant have your own opinion on things nowadays without abuse coming back.  I once had an opinion on farmers in that as business people they enjoy Govt assistance in times of hardship ie drought. Whereas my business (now retired) in times of trouble I had to find a job in security and leave my business. Well, on a forum you will get a backlash from farmers or their supporters when voicing such views REGARDLESS of the fairness of your point. Opinions have a price on FB.

It seems some people use it as an outlet to vent their anger. But it is also fun and can help with friendships and the like.

It's your Facebook. Manage it to your advantage not for theirs. Protect yourself and if in doubt of a friends response, ring them for clarity. Dont assume. They might surprise you. Finally -reduce it to a few minutes a day.

[AGrace]

Hi Progmaster,

It looks like you've given quite a bit of thought to this. WK has also given some great insight and advice.

I used to be quite into Facebook, desperate to have a huge number of friends, always checkimg all the likes I got, trying my best to reply to every post etc. Then one of my friends shared a generic message to all her Facebook friends "If you haven't kept in contact wit me for more than 3 months I will be unfriending you". So my 1st reaction was to look back through posts and see how long it had been since I'd been in contact with her. Then I stepped  back and reevaluated my thought. 

I decided instead to unfriend her. I didn't need friends who put conditions on our relationship. I also closed my Facebook page down. What was I thinking using a website to prove how caring and cared for I was? Instead I started calling, texting, emailing, and catching up physically with friends and family. It didn't take long to realise who my real friends were, and the contact was now more personal. 

I now have a new Facebook page,  but only for the benefit of sharing photos between my close family who live interstate or overseas. For me thre are so many wellness promoting things I could be doing instead of checking and analysing my facebook page 100 times a day.

Everyone will have differing views and experience with social media so it's a great topic you've raised and I'd love to know too how impactful social media has been on the mental health of others.

AGrace

[Progmaster]

Thank you White Knight and AGrace for your thoughtful posts, they certainly help me to have a more philosophical outlook to Facebook. I post just once a week on Facebook and make sure it is something positive.

I used to use Facebook as something of an outlet for my emotions and anger (unwise, I know) and I fear that even some of my close friends who know about my condition have blocked my statuses and tags from their FB pages and news feeds. I have in the past expressed strong opinions about issues like sport which would not be popular with a lot of people and have also been open about my mental health issues on FB which I think has put people off. While I am in a better place than I have been in the past, I worry that both my FB and in-person nature during the darker periods of my life has scared some friends away. Even though I am proactively working on improving myself, it doesn't seem enough and I'm worried it's too little too late. Even if they are wrong in snubbing me, it doesn't make their relative absence in my life any less painful.

[Snoman]

I have never been on Facebook, but I am active on Twitter. For me the advantage is being able to be anonymous and to interact with people I don't know in real life.

Many years ago, I was working from home and got on twitter for some social interaction. Back then I was trying to follow the in-groups but not interacting too much. I eventually realised I was too deep into seeing what was happening inside my phone, that I didn't see what was happening in the real world. It got unhealthy and I quit.

After 18 months off, I rejoined with a different mindset.  Now I follow and interact with only a few people, and only people that I truly like, and add value to me. When my condition raised its head, I blurted it all out to them in great detail. It was great to be able to share. I was amazed at the support I was offered. Some did not understand, and they just listened, but did not judge. I had no bad experiences. They still support me.

As I see it, social media might work for you, but it might not. I could not have posted any of what I did on Facebook, since most of my real life friends and family would not have been supportive.  Also, it is easy to over do it. You need to be able to draw a line and put real life first.