Sick of this merry go round help!!!

[Talon]

I am 48 years of age (male) and have been on a merry go round of self destructive thinking for as long as long as I can remember. In the vast majority of situations which involve meeting other people, I start thinking that I’m not accepted, saying the right things, saying enough, not saying enough etc etc. I realise that this type of thinking is in my head and generated by self doubt and wanting to be accepted. I don’t think I’m a bad person, far from it. I try and be decent to people and help out wherever I can. I am a people pleaser, probably at the expense of my own advancement and future. I am not afraid of conflict but do let unfavourable interactions affect me more than they should. I am currently working with my 18 year old son, and he just seems to fit in with the other guys we work with, with ease. He is confident in himself and goes with the flow, having fun interactions with them. Me on the other hand, overthinks everything and I’m sure it shows. I shut down and become extremely quiet. I don’t get it. I am the adult, the one that’s been around for much longer than my son, a supposed example to him and my other 3 children. But no, here I am, feeling weak, like I haven’t grown, advanced, lead by example, as a confident, strong role model I see others doing. It’s been an ongoing cycle with me. I just don’t feel like I’ve ‘grown up’? Hard to explain but gut wrenching and depressing to say the least. Totally over it to be honest. Why do I feel so underdone? Like I haven’t grown, always trying to fit in like a teenager, only to overthink how I’ve acted and is that acceptable, normal, age appropriate and conducive to making long, meaningful, happy, healthy relationships? I’m going through my second separation/divorce and am realising more and more that maybe there is something inherently amiss with the way I am? I am never backward in coming forward to admitting my faults and would appreciate any advice in accepting myself whole heartedly with grace and self confidence. I’m 100% sure this negative thinking and subsequent behaviour has lead to the loss of my 28 year career and two divorces. Not to mention the dislodgement of four young lives.

[white knight]

Hi talon, welcome

I think you need fidtly to embrace your individualism then accept you as being you.

It doesnt help to compare yourself to others including your son. No other person has lived your life, in your time, under your parents amd in your environment.

You do have incefible insight. Thats is a huge positive. IMO your self esteem needs boosting.

Some of us miss out maturing in some areas. In my case I emotionally matured very slowly. At 17yo I was emotionally say 11yo yet I joined the RAAF then. At 21yo say emotionally 16yo yet I worked in Pentridge jail at the time. After 50yo I was almist caught up.

In your case you lack confidence. You are comparing yourself to others but they have imperfections you might not realise.

You can attend motivation lectures. Read up on ways to gain self security.

You cam google the following. Just read the first post

Beyondblue Topic 30 minutes can change your life

Beyondblue Topic the best praise you'll ever get

Beyondblue Topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue Topic the frog and the scorpion (accept your nature)

Beyondblue Topic the good Samaritan

There are thousands more here

Repost anytimr

Tony WK

[ELLET]

Hi,

I am sorry you feel this way.

I get it (well from my experience, obviously not yours).

I have never felt like I fit in anywhere...sometimes I think I might be on the Autism spectrum as social situations are so overwhelming and then the aftermath of over thinking, over analysing is so brutal...I think I can be my own worst enemy sometimes.

I don't really have advice as I am trying to accept myself for who I am and not what others think or what I think they might think. Just wanted to say I hear you. I hope you can conquer your negative thoughts.

I thank you for sharing your story.