Seesaw of acceptance

[white knight]

Image a seesaw. When one end hits the ground it strikes depression, anxiety and hopelessness. When the other side hits the ground it arrives at normality in terms of emotions, coping ability and lifestyle.

As you accumulate mental illness a box, lets call it the mental scar box is placed between the normal end and the seesaw. Suddenly you can never strike normal again. You can still get balance however…until several more scars are endured. The seesaw keeps tilting down towards the other end as your mental state worsens. You try desperately to balance it by changes in your life, introducing fun and treatment. Balancing the seesaw is your aim however, as life is what it is, it throws things at you all the time and it gets harder and harder to get that balance.

The important thing to learn here is the fact that that seesaw will never touch the “normal” end again. Your scars are such that, just like a physical scar, never go away….in fact there is more chance of it reopening. That leaves us with acceptance or more pain. Acceptance is a hard ask. To accept we are not normal is one thing many struggle with but to accept we have to change, alter our thinking and dedicate much of our life to finding ways to just survive is even harder. Why is this?

We don’t want to be abnormal, we don’t want to suffer an illness we feel but cannot see. We don’t like the stigma nor the feeling that we will never be cured. So acceptance is the one answer. If we get there the result is the balancing seesaw even though the scar boxes mount up to just under your plank.

Acceptance is a state of mind. You can remain unwell and accept your mental state as part of you at the same time. A person without mental illness might accept they have a strange sense of humour, a poor gait or wiry hair. I knew a fellow that was a paraplegic that was a very angry guy due to being bound by his chair after a road accident. Yet his permanency of his condition will never change. Yet another friend also in a wheelchair spent 4 hours a day on a train for 6 years to get qualifications as a teacher. He taught the unemployed. When a student said “I cant get a job” he pointed at his chair and what was required of him to achieve a job. Some find it harder than others to be positive...trying is enough as long as you keep trying and try again.

Acceptance. Easier than seeking cure. It takes time depending on the individual, to get there but it is the way forward…progression while enduring the pain.

Tony WK

[Croix]

Dear Tony~

Thank you for reflecting on the seesaw and acceptance, I think this is a most important topic to consider.

At the outset it may seem defeatist to aim for acceptance rather than cure, and I guess for some a cure may happen, but for many, like myself, there is no real prospect of becoming 'normal, and acceptance, adaptation and resilience are needed and are actually possible.

Pining for the impossible may create great art but is not a health state for most of us.

For the older person who has suffered illness for a long time acceptance may be easier, there is all that life experience to help temper wishes with what is realistic. For the younger example can have great effect. You story of the teacher in the wheelchair is spot-on.

The only thing I'd like to add to your post, and that is just me, is that I think the pain is less overall. True the pain of the illness itself is still there, but the pain of being denied an impossible dream is muted.

Croix

[white knight]

Hi Criox

Yes. Accepting an illness especially when young, at a time when you are told "the world is your oyster" and all your friends are "living the dream". Its harder to swallow an illness that seems is less treatable than a physical one. And such treatments we know is also limited to just getting us to function, exist in the world and avoid hospitalization.

Yes acceptance can be viewed as defeatist but I'd say its more a state of mind that is at peace. You've settled with your illness, accepted your limitations and your treatment, you marry your illness to yourself rather than seeing it as demonic and destructive.

Just as crutial is our partners and even friends accept it as well. Compared to the days of my first diagnosis to now, my wife and I rarely mention my bipolar/depression/anxiety for example. We keep tabs on each other but I recall the hourly discussions about our illnesses and they can be debilitating in themselves.

While conversations are essential I'd argue that our mental illness is not our life, its a restriction of our life, a brick in our backpack.

A key thread on this (google)

Topic: our attitude is not a mental illness- beyondblue

If we are to consider that many factors can be tackled to assist us feeling better then attitude is one, acceptance another and routine another (med taking, relaxation, sleep patterns)

These factors I think arent thought about. They are also personal challenges...there is no "good attitude pill".

But there is a positive seed within each of us that can grow if watered.

Resilience you mentioned is also inside us. Many people prior to their illness dont realise how enduring they can be until tested.

To those I say- its not the end of the world..

Its the beginning of a different life that you have been accustomed to.

Topic: depression, is there any positive?- beyondblue

Topic: acceptance, is this our biggest challenge?- beyondblue

Topic: how natural is your depression?- beyondblue

Thanks

Tony WK

[white knight]

Hi all

A neice of mine I was chatting to over vmas said

"Accepting yourself for who you are is directly proportional to how often you put yourself down."

Interesting.

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hi Tony..

I cant balance the see saw..it's always tilted down....

Karen.

[Elizabeth CP]

Tony Your image of a seesaw made sense to me but I see it as not just relating to mental illness but affecting MI. I see the see saw as life going up & down. One side is the bad or difficult things pressing down. On the other side is the positive things. In normal life the seesaw is in balance swaying up & down. As one side moves down you push with your feet & move back up. The negatives are used as challenges & build self esteem which then gives extra weight on the positive side. Life is in balance.

For a number of years my life has been out of balance. Things go wrong pulling me down. Accepting that some of these negatives are permanent is necessary but difficult particularly when attempts to push up are stopped by yet another negative. I know I need to keep pushing up to increase the positive side but this becomes difficult.

[white knight]

Hi Elizabeth

Yes, that's right. Life, up and down.

Another metaphor is a bucket. The average person has an empty bucket. We with damaged minds have a bucket nearly full. Each time their life gets a tragic time their bucket goes half way full even fully full but drains away to zero again. Ours doesn't take much to overflow.

For some people with more difficulties its like their bucket has a tide, ebb and flow regularly overflowing. All we can do is encourage them to build the walls of the bucket a little higher.

These metaphors allows us to keep things or get things into perspective. I think they add to our learning tools.

Tony WK

[Elizabeth CP]

Tony your bucket analogy makes perfect sense. I have been thinking more about the seesaw & thought I would share as it reminds me of some things I need to do.

As a said before life is like a seesaw we are on one side & the challenges & pressures of life weigh us down. On the other side are all our supports which keep us buoyant. These supports include friends family etc but also happy memories & all the things we have learnt & developed dealing with our challenges. In a healthy person we are balanced going up & down as we meet the challenges of life. The problem occurs when either the challenges & responsibilities overwhelm us or we loose some of those essential supports. For example MI blots out the positive memories or we lose a close friend or family member. We are then out of balance stuck down.

Acceptance to me means realising & accepting

1: We can't manage everything & making a deliberate choice to offload some of those extra demands at least while you are feeling down.

2; When struggling I need to increase supports to buoy me up. This includes seeking/accepting help from friends, family, counsellors depending on what I require.

3. Working out what things help me at this stage of life & then doing this. For example I know physical health is very important for me. Without it I can't carry out either activities I need to do or those I want to do so for me I need to ensure I exercise & ovoid any activities which will injure my back which is already weak..

Obviously each person will have their indiidual list of what they need to do to balance their own seesaw.

[GreenTea_Honey]

Hi Tony WK

I really like both the seesaw and the bucket metaphors. They make a lot of sense to me and, strangely, they remind me of a thought/mantra that helps me - especially the seesaw image. When I'm particularly struggling I like to think of my grandmother and when, hopefully one day, I will get to be her age and look back on my life. To think that when I'm her age and look back on my life hopefully I will see a balance - that I will have been good as often or, even better, more frequently than I wasn't. That I can see there were more good times than there were struggles, that my mental health struggles were only one part of my life mixed in with many others. Sorry for the ramble 🙂

Hope you're all doing well, best wishes!

[white knight]

Thankyou Elizabeth, and GT&H

yes you both have a grasp of the concepts.

A surbey was done whereby they asked many in nursing homes what was their biggest regret of their life?

More than any other answer was "to be myself". That means to express, think, process thoughts, laugh, be sad etc in our own way.

I mention this as but one of numerous things we can do to tip that seesaw to the right, towards happiness.

Ive done these things- a move to the country, sought a hobby, found my soul mate, rid my life of those toxic, financial stability, be firm on my beliefs and so on.

Im 62yo. I made it. I tipped the seesaw.

Tony WK