Rock bottom and feel worse

[Pyrolee]

I've been through alot of hardship lately in my life, I've currently got a son and have another kid on the way. Works been extremely stressful and I'm finding everyday I'm just hating people more and more as I have to deal with them everyday. Lost empathy and sympathy for people as I find people are just all in it for themselves. Currently come down with covid and very sick, borrowed our sisters car and someone did a hit and run on it which now I have to find money to repair, wife accidentally drove our car into my mothers car so now have to deal with that, had our fridge broke and booked Westinghouse to repair as they said they have all parts and can fix, tech arrived and said can't, don't have parts, hence why I'm hating people, lies and deception, this is one example. I don't get any support from my wife, she's pushing me to buy a house which we can't financially and mentally, been living with my parents, wifes been giving all my hard earned money to her family in vietnam, I bring this up we get into heated arguments, I'm having thoughts on divorce but thinking about my kids, I feel the communication between my wife and myself isn't there anymore, don't know how long I can last, feel broken but can't feel emotions to smile or cry, I've tried counseling but it just reverts to them really not listening and prescribing medication, can't go down path of suicide as I know this will effect my kids but don't know what to do, feel really stuck, this isn't the first time in my life I've felt like this, problems always there no matter what, not sure what to do next

[Croix]

Dear Pyrolee~

Welcome back to the Forum. I'm sorry to read that your situation has not improved. While it may be that your wife's culture has different values for you, it is no excuse for taking blatant advantage of you.

In any reasonable partnership each person looks ot the welfare of the other, and here your wife is taking what you earn, and your medications, and giving them to her parents, while pressing you to buy a house she can install them in together wiht you and the kids.

This idea sounds pretty disastrous as it is not something you can afford, and even if you could you will be living wiht in-laws form a different culture you do not know wil be reasonable, and with a wife who puts them first - no way to live.

As you have already talked wiht her and got nowhere it looks more and more like you are being used a a pawn to establish your wife's family in Australia and using children as a lever - rather than love. to be blunt this does happen, obtaining  the appropriate visa for reasons other than a true partnership

I would guess this is pretty close to abuse, and I suggest that you have a talk wiht the  experts, 1800RESPECT, to see if in fact this is the case. Actually you have two things to ask about, the other being your bosses' behaviour (though that might be out of their  field).

Our own 24/7 Councilors may be able to refer you to appropriate services.

I know you said you had discounted suicide due to the effect on the children but I think the fact you thought of it at all is an indication of how serious things have become and that some sort of action about the circumstances - rather than medication - needs ot be taken.

If I might suggest I'd wait until the Covid symptoms have passed and you are in a better condition to make important decisions.

If you can sort your job situation out and get something less unpleasant then that will take away one of your two major worries.

Croix

[blondguy]

Hello Pyrolee

Im sorry for our late reply. We are usually very quick at responding. As Criox mentioned it does borderline on abuse at this time. You have a lot on your plate Pyrolee. We feel your pain.

Please be gentle to yourself when suffering through this blasted Covid virus. We cant make decisions when our immune system is compromised Pyrolee. I know I cant. We are listening!

Help Is available Pyrolee without judgement....Speak to someone directly

13 11 14

SMS: 0477 13 11 14

my kindest always 

Paul

[Pyrolee]

Hi Paul
Thanks for your reply, means alot, I wouldn't say it's abuse, at the end of the day she still cares about the kids and me to an extent, yes I do feel her priorities are her parents and family in Vietnam but definitely wouldn't call it abuse. At the end of the day I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, I'm trying not to get into that negative headspace and I feel like have the response from you and Croix has helped alot so a big thank you to you both. 

[Pyrolee]

Hi Croix
Thanks for your reply, means alot, I wouldn't say it's abuse, at the end of the day she still cares about the kids and me to an extent, yes I do feel her priorities are her parents and family in Vietnam but definitely wouldn't call it abuse. At the end of the day I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, I'm trying not to get into that negative headspace and I feel like have the response from you and Paul has helped alot so a big thank you to you both. 

[Croix]

Dear Pyrolee~

I guess your wife can become so wrapped up in plans for her parents she tends to loose sight of what she already has.

Do you think if you were to limit the amount you earn that goes to helping her parents - wihtout being harsh - that might remind her she has a family in you that is just as real and important to look after?

Croix

[blondguy]

Hello Pyrolee...

You mentioned ' I've tried counseling but it just reverts to them really not listening and prescribing medication'

Good on you for giving counselling a try, that takes a ton of courage. Its highly unusual to have counsellors that dont listen and prescribe medication.  We only benefit from counselling on a frequent ongoing basis depending on our individual circumstances. 

What are you doing tomorrow for New Years Eve Pyrolee?

we are here and listening

Paul

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