Pmdd, housing crisis and life stages

[Guest_35680393]

Hi, it’s my first time posting and it’s been a rough day (or three years). 

I have recently learned I have PMDD and Cptsd and am feeling absolutely hopeless. 

The cycle PMDD makes everything worse, and symptoms of Cptsd can warp how I see things and navigate situations. 

In the last three years, I have had a terrible break up that spun me out into years of rumination and reignited self hate and the feeling of being unlovable, I have had to move away from my chosen town and community back into my parents house as a result of the housing crisis, I have been diagnosed with a heart issue, Pmdd and cptsd, I have not been mentally well so have cut a lot of people out of my life, my dog died and I feel completely stuck in my life. 

I am so grateful and understand my privilege to be able to live with my parents but I have been really triggered and my mental health has gone down the drain. I’ve seen a psychologist for about a year but they really didn’t make a dent.  I have applied to numerous rentals and have not got any. I moved into a sharehouse earlier this year but that was a disaster (it flooded).

I have tried new hobbies, gone of friendship apps, tried asking friends of friends to meet up in order to make new connections and have had absolutely no new luck. My old friends  from my home town have all moved away. 

it feels like the last three years I have tried and tried to live my own life and have been slapped in the face at every turn. I can’t get my own place, my own space and it’s stolen my independence from me. 
I feel so guilty for cutting off friends. I have treated my family so badly at times. I am embarrassed to be me. I just turned 30 and have nothing to show for it. I don’t know what to do. 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Guest,

I just wanted to reach out and send you some support. You have had just so much to deal with. I think it's really important not to be hard on yourself. If you look at all the efforts you've made on multiple fronts such as trying to find housing and make connections, you have worked really hard and deserve kindness towards yourself.

I am also diagnosed with CPTSD and have gone through similar hormonal upheavals to PMDD because of very severe perimenopause symptoms. I wonder if you have managed to get some good help on that front at least? I go to a hormone specialist doctor and she is really good. Dealing with the impacts of PMDD is extremely challenging as are the impacts of CPTSD. I hope you may have some good support for the CPTSD as well.

I have found the Blue Knot Foundation great to speak to when I've been really not doing well. They specialise in supporting people with CPTSD so they get it. Their number is 1300 657 380 available 9am-5pm everyday (eastern states time). I just thought they may be someone you can talk to when feeling overwhelmed. They will talk once a week for up to 45 minutes or sometimes 30 minutes if busy.

I know it's hard being back with your parents and the housing crisis situation is truly terrible at the moment. Is there anything at all that brings you some joy, such as time with a pet or in nature? Sometimes I find the most important and valuable thing we can do for ourselves when everything feels like it's fallen apart is to just focus on nurturing ourselves and finding ways to feel better in this moment or this day.

Take good care and happy to chat further if you want to.

Eagle Ray

[BlueLily]

Hi Guest,

Welcome to the forum! 

Sorry to hear you are going through PMDD and CPTSD. It sounds pretty challenging. Sounds like you have gone through lot of rough incidents back to back. Losing a dog is heartbreaking.

I've had a similar bad breakup experience where I was told the reason for the break up wasn't me but my family. That made me feel lost and unlovable because it wasn't even something I was able to work on. I felt so depressed that I ended up losing the job at the time. But I can assure you time heals broken hearts as I found a partner who appreciated me for myself, I've long forgotten the bad breakup. It almost feel silly looking back at how hurtful I was at the time. 

I was going through a very rough patch in my life few years ago. I remember trying to keep up with friends and family, putting a happy smile in-front of them while coming home and feeling depressed and totally unprodcutive. It got to a point that it was so overwhelming I decided to stop trying and take a break from everything and somedays do nothing useful other than eating healthy and watching TV, simply taking care of myself only. That helped my mind to truly relax and eventually find the strength to get back to routine. Perhaps you living with your parents is a blessing in disguise as it might allow you to not worry about rent or maintenance and instead take a break from everything.

Regarding psychologists, I had to visit few before finding somebody cater for my requirements and I can connect with. So it might take few tries before you start to feel any positive impact with them.

Take care of yourself...