Well as I am not able to live with humans and have trouble with social interaction, my life is with my 3 pets.
Kat is a pet; as is my elderly poodle and I adore both of them. We are family.
It's my my young koolie x that has somehow become more. We all sleep together, we all eat together for it is only us and only us can it ever be. My blue eyed dog never leaves my side. He will remove the covers, push me from the bed on those days when moving is impossible. He knows what I need to do to fight the fight of every day; he points to the kettle; guides me to the pantry, the computer, to the leash to make me get out and walk. If he can't "herd" me in the right direction, he will gently take my little finger like a child holding a mother's hand then lead me to where I need to be and point at the object I need to use.
He will lead in the interaction with humans. He is friendly where I am not. I find myself apologising to strangers for his friendliness. They smile at me, talk to me and comment on what a beautiful dog I have. I panic. But my apologies are my face to face interaction and that is something. That would not happen if not instigated by my boy. And I understand now that I must deal with this irrational fear of people and pain and hurt and rejection. I can't do it alone. He can help me but I should not lean on a dog to help me learn ... but I don't know how else to do this.
He reminds me to check things, takes my dirty laundry to basket. Kisses, always kisses and hugs and eyes looking into mine. Understanding, not pushing but being gentle when I need it and affirmative when it's essential.
I've known him since his birth. He was hand raised. My pets need me and whilst they do, I won't let them down. But I need to learn how to function without them.
I love them and they me. Humans hurt and I have been alone for a long time.
And that is why I am now here hoping that a human might help me find the way.
ME? C-PTSD, BPD, social anxiety, agoraphobia, anxiety, depression. Yay, what fun!
