overwhelmed at leaving hospital

[Jo3]

I need some advice - I have been told by my pysch that I can go home on Thursday.  I am so scared, overwhelmed and unsure if this is what I want.

Being in hospital for almost 2 weeks has given me space, time to reflect on me, time to cry, panic, time for me and me only. When I did go home on the weekend for the day I couldn't wait to come back here. that's pretty bad isn't it when you can't wait to get back to hospital - to my own room, my own space.

I have never ever been away from my family except when in hospital to have children. Never been away from my husband for any length of time. So it's huge and something I felt I had to do for my own health and mental well being.

but soon it's time to go home and I am feeling overwhelmed with tears, wish I could stay longer but I can't financially need to go back to work. 

I can come back to the hospital as an outpatient and do group sessions which I will if I can juggle it between working and now starting my new course.

I am so glad that I came here only wish it was done a long long time ago and that I could have stayed another week or two. I think it's given the family at home a chance to stop relying on me and actually doing stuff for each other.

I am feeling abandoned by the hospital and feel a failure if I was to come back in. I have been reassured by the staff that this is not the case; it's my head.

Does anyone have any tips on how to not feel so overwhelmed when leaving a place where I felt safe, happy, peaceful to going home again.

Jo

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jo, 

Just popping to check in and see how you were going out of hospital. 

GA

[Jo3]

Hey GA

I actually started a new post called Angry at parents.

GA, I don't really know how I am feeling, this morning was emotional crying to leave but also wanting to stay, it was weird.  I should have been excited to go home but I was more anxious and emotional. This morning in a group session a lady started to say that she will miss me and she started to cry which then made me cry again.

I'm home now but I feel confused, lost, sad, emotional - it's hard to explain.

My mood and depression lifted a bit while in hospital - I had a room to myself for me and me only, no one else. I was having a great time away from everyone at home. I was doing different things on my own just for me. I didn't have to please anyone else - just myself. And at the same time I was being looked after, listened to and nurtured. It was really nice.

But now at home it's like nothing has changed, i don't know. I guess I am a bit confused. i know i am exhausted as I haven't had a full night sleep in 10 days. Last night waking up 3 times!!

Hopefully tomorrow will be better

Jo

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jo, 

I'll keep an eye out for your post, once themoderators are done with it. It is perfectly understandable to be anxious about going home. I had similar misgivings- I had gained a sense of positivity and dared to hope in hospital, gotten to know a few patients. I didn't know if I would be able to keep that fragile hope outside of hospital. 

My monsters told me that if I came back to hospital again, the foruth time in almost six months,  it would be failing. The truth is that hospitals are there to help people like us out of crises. It is not failure to go back. That said, hospital is not the real world and isn't living. So unless we leave and trY to flourish on the outside, we aren't really living. 

I hope that you found out some things about yourself in there. You sound so different, if only you could see it in your posts. So take some time, create your own space and give yourself a little portion of the house just for you. Do some of things just for you. 

Most importantly, breathe Jo, you can do this. You are so much stronger than your anxiety would have you realise but I think you are beginning to see just how strong you can be. 

Also, don't let anyone tell you that now you need to do kore around the house. You needed that break to help you figure out things in your head, to help deal with your illness. But going in doesn't mean you are cured. Let your family know about your own space. Fight for your own space Jo, you deserve it. 

GA

[LA-reboot]

Jo3

Thanks for your post and your honesty at feeling this way about leaving hospital.

I have read the replies too and this has helped me greatly with the same uncertainty.

I have been able to do a summary for myself to work with.

HOSPITAL IS NOT REALITY

• It’s a safe and supportive environment when we are in crisis.
• Its not a long term solution
• Look at the positives and maintain ongoing support
• Be kind to myself
• Stop, breathe, take positive and healthy actions
• When home, continue self development in the community or online (it doesn’t have to be mental health related)
• Be mindful and practice self-love

You and the members of this forum gave me some helpful answers to my questions. I discharge tomorrow and have been teary but not understanding why or what to think. I will have these dot points front and centre to remind me what I learnt and what you all reminded me of.

I hope we all go well! I feel I can face my last day with a stronger faith in myself now and less trepidation about leaving the safe haven to fend for myself.

Again, thanks.