Over-stimulating the Senses - Addiction to Adrenaline and Beta Endorphins?

[Just Sara]

Hi all;

I've been self assessing for a long time now, and have come across an habitual need to stimulate myself with dysfunctional thoughts that prop me up or give a perception I'm not small or insignificant at all; feeling powerful and a winner.

On the flip side, I've also had thoughts that bring me down (too big for my boots) causing a 'normal' feeling of being average or small/insignificant...safe from ridicule or punishment.

We've all had those fantasies of kicking the winning goal or standing on a podium with trophy in hand sucking up the acclaim and cheers from the crowd. But what if those fantasies turned into yelling at someone until they were on their knees leaving you feeling pumped and superior? Or maybe getting in between parents to fend off upcoming violence and be the hero?

Isolating myself has turned my world inward where I play out the day in my head. This is where I've been living and getting to be on top, or berate myself into submission.

The other noticeable factor is the adrenaline or beta endorphin rush I can have from this; undetected until recently due to the normality of 'feeling' this way.

Looking for a discussion peep's...your thoughts?

Sara

[SourceShield]

I keep coming back to this post!

Please forgive me...it's my HFA brain, once I really get into something...I get a bit obsessed.

I blame Sara for this one because this post and the whole adrenaline thing has come at a time when I have been experiencing - Adrenal Fatigue AF

I earlier referred to it as failure but it is more a fatiguing of the adrenal and endocrine system.

There are many ways that a person can experience AF, as we have discussed, when one is addicted to the rush of adrenaline, as I have been, for lets say 39 years...thats a 39 year drug habit, some may have a longer habit but thats still a long time to be hooked to a drug/chem - Adrenaline and Cortisol Cocktail.

Back when we were still living in caves or in the jungles and being chased around the desert by sabre-toothed kangaroos...we needed all that cortisol and adrenaline, to survive.

But, in our society now, most of our threats are perceived and memory based!

In other words, their all in our head...literally.

Road rage - perfect example of modern day craziness!!!

Perceived threats all around us...Why is he looking at me like that??? Why didnt she call???

And now Donald Trump is the president of The US...the world is munted!!!

But seriously, adrenaline-rush becomes adrenal fatigue.

And that's no good but it is fixable!

Cortisol like cholesterol is actually neutral, in that we can have GOOD cholesterol levels and BAD cholesterol levels, so too with cortisol.

Too much adrenaline, depletes the cortisol hormone, so when the body needs it, it has to draw 'energy' from other sources, causing more stress within the body...and so begins a very negative and unhealthy feedback-loop

i.e.

Asthma

Allergies or respiratory complaints

Dark circles under the eyes

Dizziness

Dry skin

Extreme tiredness an hour after exercise

Frequent urination

Joint pain

Lines in your fingertips

Loss of muscle tone

Low blood pressure

Low blood sugar

Low sex drive

Lower back pain

Numbness in your fingers / Poor circulation

Weight gain

But, there is a way forward, where one is able to stay as healthy as one can...even in our modern society.

I believe the human brain is leading the way - We have the Neo-Cortex, thats where the compassion-network is, where empathy begins.

Rather than perceiving constant danger and getting stuck in the ACT&REACT loop, we can, because of the neo-cortex, respond...that is our ability.

To respond to each and every moment as we choose - responsibility.

🙂

[Just Sara]

You can blame me for anything you like SS;

Your presence here has helped to make this the fastest growing thread I've seen! Kudos!

It seems I'm not the only one surfing around the site at this time of the morning...4am! Speaking of being over-stimulated! I couldn't sleep. Head kept going round and around thinking and analysing. That's my self taught bad habit. It's great for hypothesising for left brain stuff like critical analysis and stat's, but no good in bed trying to fix the world or head off disaster that hasn't and probably won't happen.

Actually I'm a bit down. It's ok, I mean if this was 6 months ago, I'd be onto Lifeline crying. I really don't like it when people aren't real. Due to PTSD and my analyse bug, I read people well, and if they back and forth with lies or embellishments, I pick it up quickly...I wish I didn't.

What's wrong with me? Or what's too right with me? Rejection is hard... I know, it's not me, it's them. Classic come-back. Physical affection is a drug...addictive or primal? No man (or woman) is an island...call me R Crusoe.

I say "yes" when I should say "no", I wear jeans when I should wear a dress. I love too much, when I should step back. I hear "yes" when I should hear "no". Feeling crushed...messed up.

I've come so far, yet each time the black dog bites, it's like I never left. Trying to breathe out the temptation to go.

Ok SS...so if adrenaline is my upper, what causes this downer? May as well make something positive out of my blue's.

The way I see it, if I know what causes it, I might be able to 'treat' it. Left brain thinking I know...Miss fix it.

I just want to keep writing...damn character count! Don't want to end up in my head again...life in there sucks big time. My fingers on the keys keeps me grounded. Whew...just breathe...

5 min's later...lost for words...

SC

[Kazzl]

Hi Sara hun - just sending a virtual hug and hope you finally got some sleep. There's something about the early hours of the morning that seems to put our analysing on a 'spin cycle' that won't switch off. It's when I start to disasterise, taking real worries and pain and spinning them into something bigger than they are. Especially if I'm a bit hypomanic, the racing, busy thoughts start as soon as I hit the pillow. I really hope you catch up on some rest today possum.

SS - I am so very glad that BB is helping you at the moment because, amazing fella, you sure are helping us. I love reading your posts! You're a treasure.

Happy Sunday to all here.

Cheers

Kaz

xxx

[SourceShield]

Hey R Crusoe!

WOW - that was some awesome writing, seriously!

Loved it.

I can totally relate as well, in fact, just recently I sent a friend a text pretty much saying something similar to you i.e I push the people that I need in my life away from me, when I really need them close to me... etc etc etc

I feel that these types of disruptive behaviour patterns are also an addiction for me...when my life gets too peaceful, in the past, I have sought out arguments when there were none, or when my life is going really well, I automatically think - its all gonna come crashing down soon, so I ruin the moment (sabotage), just so I feel like I am in control.

Its so pathetic but if I'm to be honest, chemically - there is a rush of adrenaline that comes with the intense build-up of emotions.

For a moment, even a brief one...there is a rush.

It confirms that I am alive and living, but then what goes up...must come down!

There is a Buddhist teaching about the double arrow/dagger phenomenon - which is when the scheisse hits the fan - which is bad enough, but people like me, will also have to impale ourselves with another dagger i.e. relationship breakdown (first dagger/arrow), then the thought cluster of..."its all my fault, I'm the worst" etc etc etc- second arrow/dagger.

We do this thinking that, if we criticise ourselves we'll learn not to be that way, and also if we're the ones criticising ourselves, than whatever anyone else says will pale in comparison.

Its all bullkaka though - just keeps us locked in an Attachement&Aversion spin-cycle.

We are attached to our limiting beliefs - i.e. I am Unlovable, resulting in numerous side-effects...but we also have an aversion or hatred of that same limiting belief... I HATE that I'm like this, I hate that I have this belief about myself...my life sucks. I'll never ever get better...etc etc etc

And so, this attachment and aversion to the beliefs that we have, keep us locked onto the belief, even if that belief is destructive.

What we believe will always come true for us - even if that belief is one of pure self-loathing, if we believe that we are THE WORST at whatever...then so it is!

This kind of thinking just keeps us locked on the the thing we are wanting to avoid, the pain and hurt...

I wish I had all the answers but I reckon that once all the childhood stuff has been locked into our memory, then as adults, its our beliefs that are a big part of the "downer cluster" of thoughts that many of us have.

S

[SourceShield]

Thank YOU, Kazzl!

Happy Sunday to you too!

[Just Sara]

Hey darling Kazzl;

I cried when I got your virtual hug. There's a limit to how much self insight a person can take. I've been split in two between the victim and the observer. Been trying so hard to stay focused and learn from this episode...your hug bought me back to just 'being'. I really needed that, so thankyou hun...Mwah!

Hey SS and good morning...you didn't get much sleep either I see.

I'm at a stage challenging core (old) habitual thinking caused by the post trauma phenomenon. Ergo..suspicion, control and a huge lack of trust. I'd gotten into a peaceful pattern of living in the moment, then wham!

Although this thread has taken off like gang busters, I'm still reiterating the premise for my original post; the scenario's we play out in our minds to feel in control. You've hit on some aspects of this for sure, and the chemical addictive factor is certainly helpful. What I'm seeing though, is the same analytical stuff that I fill myself with when I feel helpless or cornered by not knowing where I stand, and trying desperately to 'read between the lines' so to speak.

Kaz bought this home for me...absolutely. A hug can ground us in seconds; out of our heads and back into physical reality in an instant.

I've worked so hard to learn this strategy for coping and long term recovery...mindfulness at its best. It's ironic we turn to a screen to look for answers. I mean it's just another form of visualisation, only linked to other people's subconscious' and; still no control. Our intellect, reptilian, primal, and rational brains combined are being triggered just by reading these words to keep up with all the info being contributed..challenging our sense of 'separateness'. Feeling disconnected has its traps, but I do think there's respite in solitude or distance.

In essence, I've been lying to myself. Creating situations that don't exist and running with it as if it's my reality. I'm proud of my ability to bring myself back to the simplicity of my 'moment' in time where everything is peaceful.

I'm so happy with the direction this thread is taking. I'm sure others reading will definitely get something out of our input.

Thankyou to all who've contributed...masterful!

Being gentle and kind to me...Sconnor xoxo

[SourceShield]

Hey Sconner!.

Yes Sara, I completely agree re: the need for physical connection to keep us grounded, to be honest this is why I have actually done my best to write with as much feeling as I can as well - in that I felt it important to write about my real life experiences, rather than in generalities because I am always going to be analytical.

To give what I wrote more meaning, truth and depth...rather than just get all sciencey.

Its not about rejecting that which we are, being analytical, but embracing that energy and using it in a way that is healthy...it has to be about balance.

Again, which is why I wanted to also share about the SMILE test as well...a smile, a purposeful smile, can be the most healing thing...don't over think it, just do it.

I actually teach LaughterMeditation, though recently I had let that go, for now, but I understand the value of laughing and sharing a meal for example...we NEED this - Why?

On a chemical level it produces all the feel good chems that keep us healthy, this isn't being analytical, this is just stating it as it is...plus, we need physical contact, just 'cause we do!.

To be honest, the scenarios that we play out in our head, if they are causing negative bio-feedback, then these scenarios are all memory based, it doesnt matter what chems are released, theyre just memories...even if they happened one second ago.

These memories are the base of all beliefs and anticipations - they are what trigger the responses in the endocrine and nervous systems.

Make peace with the memory of the thing, and you redesign the neural-pathway.

Again, that aint being analytical...thats just a fact now.

It is what it is.

Old-school psychology would tell us to keep talking over and over and over about these thoughts that we have to make us feel like we are in control...old psychology isnt working.

This is why I am doing my PhD...Im gonna change and improve the mental health system, because I feel that it has failed me, but rather than remaining beaten down by it...I have to now, step up and step towards the change that I wish to see in the world.

And, if being healthy and well, is truly, most truly important to you...you'll get there too, and itll be the happiness and health that sticks and stays with you.

Just know that, even though we havent met in real-life...you have my big virtual hugs too.

Be Blessed Sister and Kindred Spirit, and thanks again for posting this...it really has saved me, this weekend.

PeaceOut

[Just Sara]

Hey again SS (you deserve a better nickname than this hun) I'm gonna call you Esse', (Latin for 'to be'..) Pronounced - es seh

In other words, I can't wait to read what you have to say next...inspiring!

It'd take me forever to respond to the plethora of beautifully written issues you've touched on. So can I just say, I've been touched by an angel. Truly grateful for your words of wisdom, openness and honesty.

More than this is the direction you're taking and what you stand for in life. I concur on every point you've raised and then some. My extreme gratitude and encouragement dear sweet man...

If these posts from you are any indication of how you're going to change and add to the mental health system in the future, you'll take the world by storm!

I accept your virtual hug with pleasure and throw one back atcha...squishy smooch...squeezy bear cuddle..

Warm and kind thoughts...Sconnor xoxo

[SourceShield]

FYI -

I have never been given as many nicknames as I have in the last 36hrs!!!.

Saucy

Source

Shieldy

Sir S

Sir K

SS

S

Esse

I love it.

CracksMeUp!.

ManyThanksAgain.

Sconner - just going back to your original post though -

Using the imagination to dream up scenarios, as you'll know, is when our amygdala memory-bank kicks in, right?

So, as soon as you recognize when you're in a downer-phase, have you looked at using positive-memories as a means to lift you up again?

Using the imagination to dream up a way to stay in the 'healthy-headspace' zone?

In that way we reverse-engineer the downer-phase process that youve also mentioned.

I spend most of my day in my head too...I reckon, most if not all of us do, so its not about it not happening but more-so about how we manage the downer-moments, and augment the happy-happy-joy-joys!

Because they happen too, right?

Thats life.

Rough waves with the smooth seas, and all that...

I also want to reiterate that, the way you are using your imagination is very normal, you are definitely not alone.

Most, if not all of us, will inflate and deflate the ego, most of our day - thats how Eckhart Tolle, may describe it but its exactly as you say...sometimes its being the hero, and sometimes the villain.

So weird BUT abnormal responses to abnormal situations, is NORMAL.

WelcomeToEarth!!!

Luv

Esse

[Cornstarch]

Hello Threadsters,

Corny is burnt it was blowing a gale.

Saucey - I'm into Tara too! Actually I got into Jack first and found Tara via him cos' he taught her. She's on retreat at the moment but she has some great podcasts and meditations still going up.

Sara - Bessel van der Kolk's book is packed full of references in the back. I'm just about to start Dan J. Siegel's latest book. Have you YouTubed Stephen Porges 'polyvagal theory'? and started having ice block showers for your vagal tone 'n' that. You said you're sick of all the mind/self help/thinking stuff and you just want to get into the practicalities of it now i.e.: the body, and enjoying someone else's!

Woof!

Ciao for now brown cow(s)