Hey Wishful!
You've said so much in such a short passage, but I so get it. Anger is deemed anti social and people are naturally afraid of it in others. It's no wonder we're scared of it in ourselves?
Anger is a bi product of fear depending how our parents and caregivers dealt with our behaviour and tantrums growing up. It may also be necessary when facing fight, flight and freeze situations..especially fight.
Repressed anger is rampant in society due to fear of repercussions and harm to others, whether that's physically, mentally, emotionally, loss of status, reputation or work position etc.
As Marge Simpson says; "Push it all the way down, yes that's it, all the way down into your tummy Lisa. See it feels better now doesn't it?"
Bad parenting 101..avoid the truth at all costs! This habitual practice makes way for dysfunctional beliefs, thinking, behaviour and long term chronic/acute health issues including mental disorders.
Dysfunctional toddler grooming/training during tantrums can go either way; enabling escalation, or fear and repression. Early childhood research on this subject may open some doors for you when assessing strategies for change and your approach to anger.
Self blame as you've mentioned, is an all too common response due to it being a 'controllable' attitude. If we blame ourselves, it goes away and we don't need to appeal to those we're afraid of. What type of personalities teach children to fear speaking up for themselves when they're upset? Anyone who doesn't know how to be accountable for their behaviour or words; buck passers.
My mum used to scream and berate me when I spoke up; she'd even lie to 'win' or come out on top. I learned early not to challenge, but I never forgot and made it my goal in life to one day find my voice. I did when I was 30..better late than never eh.
To get a bit clinical, an action plan is a great way to break up the stages of anger to find a solution to changing habits like self blame. It's a long process depending on courage, focus and determination. Yes, it took me till I was 30, but I had no insight or skills and just picked a time when I had the upper hand..instinct.
I'm well versed these days with programming techniques; it pays to learn some skill in this area.
Action Plan: Identify..assess..evaluate..plan..implement..monitor..review..amend as necessary.
Ask me questions about this and I'll reply asap.
Your post is really important..thankyou.. Sconnor xo
