Newbie - Coping with chronic pain ,depression and grief

[Lumlo]

Hi I am new to the forum. I suffer with chronic pain ,depression and grief and currently have worring problems with my adult children.

One has had major surgery and the other has been on drugs and has ongoing legal issues and mental health problems.

With xmas close I am not coping well and need some support. I am hoping talking on the forum will help me.

[Lumlo]

Hi Rabit33

I am really struggling now. I feel like I am falling apart. Too much stress and I just cant cope with it anymore. I am really anxious and shaky and find it very hard to function daily. I realise the new medication would not be taking effect yet . I dont know what to do or who to turn to. Its so difficult with my son he barely replies on the phone. I am really scared for him . Thank you for talking.

[Rabbit33]

Hi Lumlo,

Just breathe! Take big breaths in through your nose and exhale through your mouth and just ground yourself.
You're doing a really great job! I know it's hard but you need to try and have faith that he will be okay and that he is doing the right thing. Maybe try and contact the girlfriend? Maybe she will be able to give you some updates from time to time to put your mind at ease? I'm so sorry that you're going through this alone but it will get better and once the mediation starts taking effect, it should take the edge off a bit and help you. Just remember to breathe!

[Lumlo]

Hi Rabbit33

Yes I have been breathing and doing my phone app meditation and listened to relaxing music today. Went for a walk in the hardest time. Overall it helps but my anxiety is the worst its ever been. At least my son now has a phone and did respond to text today but told me housing fell through so been homeless for a few weeks. My offer of my place was rejected so I guess there must be somewhere else. When I asked where he was staying he just said leave me alone. I try to think its his choice. My main worry is his legal issues which he just ignores to his own detriment. After all thats happened I fear whats next. Thanks for talking.

[Rabbit33]

Maybe there is a away you could get him to compromise? You'll leave him alone, based on (1,2,3) That way you can relax. I'm sure he has some support coming from elsewhere, so hopefully that has provided you with a bit of comfort. Lets get you happy! 🙂

[Lumlo]

Hi Rabbit33

It would be great to relax. I agree if my offer of a place to stay was rejected he must have some other option even if its couch surfing. It would be so nice to feel some happiness lifes been so rough now for quite a while and so much drama. His upcoming court date is really causing me a lot of anxiety trying to deal with all the legal issues . The last few times its been a struggle to get him there .I am battling to keep going. Each day I make myself do meditation listen to music go for a walk breathing to calm down. Just feeling less overwhelmed stressed tired shaky and alone would be a big improvement. Thanks for talking

[Rabbit33]

We cannot predict the future, what will happen, will happen so don't spend too much time worrying over something that is out of your control.

How soon until the court date? Hopefully once that's been and gone and a verdict has been passed on, that will relieve a huge amount of stress off your shoulders! Sounds to me like you need a long and relaxing spa day or weekend. To just relax, switch off and be pampered.
Things will get easier though, trust me. You're doing great!

[Lumlo]

Hi Rabbit33

Yes I will be very relieved to get court date over its about 10days. I am going back to my gp as my anxiety is just so bad he said come back if your feeling worse surprisingly I got an appointment tomorow not sure what he can do except maybe increase medication but I will see. More legal dramas today and Im very shaky and anxious. No answer from son so cant talk to him about court info just sent txt and hope he shows up at the time.

[Rabbit33]

You're doing all that you can. If anything, you're going above and beyond. Let the doc know how you're feeling. Hopefully he can provide something for you or point you in the right direction. 10days will be here in no time, so just hold out, keep breathing and you'll get through this.

Please keep me updated. Best of luck tomorrow!

[Lumlo]

Really rough day. Spoke to my son by text and he said he wasnt able to go ahead with court ???as if its optional. When I replyed if you dont go you will be arrested he became quite abusive. Hes never been like that to me before ever. I dont know if its drugs/or mental health problems talking but its very upsetting. He needs help. Im anxious shaky and just had to get in the car and go and walk around town for a while trying to calm down. A friend told me there are councillors at the hospital I may go there tomorow. This evening baked a huge carrot cake to keep busy. I just hope he sees sense before next week. He told me not to call or text him again but I think I will tomorow afternoon.He may not answer and I would loose contact with him. I just hope tomorow is better .

[Rabbit33]

It sounds like his reaction could be due to a mix of things. His mental health, and of course if he's still using at all, then the drugs would be taking a negative effect. He is also probably very scared and probably stuck in a negative mindset. If he is possibly facing any prison time on top of his current living situation, it would be very hard for him to remain positive. I know you're just trying to help and one day he will thank you for it.
If he doesn't want to engage with you and accept your help, it makes it hard.
Maybe if you contact him again tomorrow arvo, just send him a short text, let him know that you only want the best for him and you're only trying to help, the best way you know how.
He is going to have to make up his mind on his own. Try not to see it as anything you've done wrong, because you haven't.
I think it's great that you are acknowledging when you're becoming overwhelmed and taking a step back to ground yourself by baking or going for a walk. I'm glad to hear you're doing some positive things for you.

I think having a chat with the councillor at the hospital could be beneficial. They might have a more personal approach with your situation and able to offer some further support.

Let me know how you go.