My Black Dog is a LIAR

[Quercus]

Hello everyone...

I thought it might be nice to have a place to acknowledge the lies our black dog feeds us...

And then tear them apart! 😊

Can I start?

Today I broke another toe and because I feel crap and vulnerable my black dog started whispering in my head...

• Clumsy
• Useless
• Stupid woman
• Hubby will be angry.
• He told you to wear shoes inside after last time.

Then as I iced and rested and watched as hubby mowed the lawn and tried to keep the kids off my foot it starts again...

• Lazy
• Look at you sitting around while he works
• He will be angry at you
• He will resent you
• No wonder you are fat
• You won't be able to exercise so you'll get fatter
• He will leave you
• You're a pathetic excuse for a human being
• Just. Give. Up.

Yeah no surprise I feel like crap huh.

And then as I put my kids to bed my son smiled and said he was excited to do playdough with me tomorrow while his sister and Dad go to swimming lessons.

And it gave me the kick in the arse I needed.

My black dog is full of s...t

• I broke my bloody toe again. Foot is black. It hurts. When I walk the bone clicks. How is that not permission to rest?!
• It is not reasonable to expect me to work in the garden when I can't put on a shoe.
• I am not lazy.
• Even hubby who works his butt off rests sometimes.
• He's not angry and if he is then tough luck.
• I am allowed to ice my foot and have a slack day.
• I'm human. We stuff up. It happens.
• I'm not pathetic or a poor excuse for a human being. That's my poor self esteem and life experiences talking.
• Today is a slump but tomorrow you will try again.
• You are ok. And you will be ok.

Anyone else want to have a go?

It feels pretty good to call your black dog out on it's BS.

❤ Nat

[Guest_1055]

Ooh I like playing with play dough. It's great to spend time one on one with your little one Nat. Truly... Rolling and moulding the dough can be quite calming. A bit like one of those stress ball things.

And so true, can be the biggest liar of all time.....

You are fat and ugly is one lie that gets to me. But no..... speak the truth instead." You are beautifully and wonderfully made". ( stated by God himself)

You are garbage, worthless and a piece of dirt. Another lie...... speak the truth instead. " You are the apple of My eye" ( Gods words)

You are a no body, invisible. Another lie.... Speak the truth instead. " You is kind and important" Quote from the movie The Help.

Hold every thought captive and see if it is the truth Nat. If not tear it like you say, dump it down the toilet and flush, and speak words of truth to yourself.

And Nat it may seem that I am an expert in what I just said. But I am not. I am still in training little by little.

Hope you toe gets better soon too. And enjoy spending time with your little boy playing in the playdough.

[Quercus]

Ah Shelley 😊

Doesn't your post show perfectly how cruel we are to ourselves. And how MI screws with how we see ourselves.

One statement so harsh. The next beautiful.

I read a book tonight called living with IT (a survivors guide to panic attacks) and it made me laugh. It is illustrated with cartoons.

It is all about us giving power to our negative thoughts. Our black dog IS us.

This book suggested it is just like teaching a toddler. Yelling and fighting doesn't help... Any attention is good attention to a toddler being naughty. The best way is to ignore. Don't give them attention. Ignore the part of you that hates yourself and wants to see you fail. Don't give any power to the negative thoughts.

I like how you mention God. That is the easiest way to shut my black dog down. You are on this earth for a reason. You are how you are for a reason. So focus on the good in yourself and promote it because it does exist. He put it there.

Thank you Shelley. I hope you can focus on the good thoughts too.

[Quercus]

Sigh, my black dog is lying again.

She is telling me unhelpful thoughts and changing it up. Seeing as she is ME she knows my vulnerable spots.

Bringing me down by insulting me didn't work yesterday so today's method is impossible goals and making me own things out of my control.

• You must keep the kids quiet! He has night shift. He must sleep. Keep them quiet!
• Oh crap he can't sleep. This is your fault. You failed as a spouse.
• He is crabby. He hates you. Why can't you do something as simple as keep kids quiet?
• He won't take the earplugs from you. Won't try sleep. This is your fault. Because you are stupid and incompetent.

Bloody hell black dog. Just. Shut. Up!

Fact 1. Keeping two small kids quiet is impossible. And irritating as hell.

Fact 2. Hubby is the most ridiculous light sleeper in the universe. He would wake up if you sneezed. Get over it.

Fact 3. He is an adult. He chose the shifts. He chose not to wear earplugs. He chose to get up and try nap when we leave the house later. Not. Your. Responsibility.

How strange. When I stop and break it down and find out what the thoughts are and what the facts are I realise my thoughts are unhelpful.

So stuff it. I'm off to bake a cake before my lesson. And poor Mr Quercus can have a snooze when we are gone and the house is quiet.

Not the end of the world. Just a black dog digging in my head.