MHow do I stay positive during seperation?

[Elizabeth Louise]

How do I stay positive during seperation?

I'm not sleeping well, disrupted sleep and not sufficient sleep. It's a cycle, not sleeping so I feel like I am drowning,  emotional, unable to focus on work and just not coping. I know I need to excercise but struggling when I don't get good sleep. 

Im still in shock with the situation and I just can't accept the fact that my husband wants to seperate and we are in the process of selling our home to go our seperate ways. We have been up and down for 2 years and only recently after he spoke to a therapist there is a real push to follow through with seperation and sell our home. 

I don't want this which makes it even harder to accept. I still believe we can work things out.

On the days when I have got some better quality sleep I am hopeful and positive and see the possibility that perhaps a seperation might be a positve thing and maybe in 6 months he will see things differently and we could reconcile and still save our marriage. I still love my husband so this is really hard to accept.  On days when i havnt slept well I'm really not coping and feel like life is hopeless and my mind keeps trying to solve our issues and my mind is racing and I'm obsessing over him and our issues. 

I know I need to focus on myself and my health and the children, but sometimes i am struggling. I'm loosing my husband, my home, I can't afford to loose my job either. 

What can I do to help me cope better if I am not sleeping well? 

EL 

[Sophie_M]

Dear Elizabeth Louise
 
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
 
We are sorry to hear that you are going through this right now; relationship loss or separation can impact us in so many ways, it's what our bodies do as a way of processing that grief.   We can hear this is particularly heavy for you right now however with time, and lots of self-care you can begin to heal, and this starts with being kind to yourself and finding anything that brings you comfort in those times of fear, sadness or despair. The following resources might be helpful for you to look at while you wait for a response to your post:

For taking care of you, try some self-care planning, just Click Here or perhaps try some self-compassion exercises, just Click Here.  Griefline also has lots of resources or you can telephone them on 1300 845 745 to maybe gain more understanding into the loss and grief process.
If ever you feel like you need to talk this through, we are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat Click Here .  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure you will hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M

[geoff]

Hello Elizabeth Louise, being separated is not a pleasant experience, especially when you are the one who doesn't want it, but from this happening with myself, the aftermath of this means that it's possible for the two of you to be able to communicate together on a regular basis.

It's always sad to sell the house but sometimes there are too many memories, good or bad that remind you of the past, and most times these become problematic, so within a few years these are forgotten about, I know at the moment it doesn't make it any easier.

It is harder to work your situation out if you are living together, because you may tend to argue, whereas if you are separated then a compromise can be reached, which then makes it easier for the two of you to talk with each other later on.

My ex and myself separated then divorced but the two of us are able to talk as if nothing happened at all.

I hope this can be obtained but know how much you are suffering.

My best.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Fiatlux]

Hi Elizabeth,

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

My husband has always wanted a divorce from me, as soon as we were married, but he refused to leave. I had to leave him several times.

We stayed together when our children came alone and things were quieter, so I thought, but he was having affairs and was content for me to raise the children, run the business and look after everything.

I don't know how old your children are but it seems unfair that he has hastily moved to sell your home. At one point in our marriage my husband also asked for 50% of our house, we had 3 small children and were mortgaged to the hilt. I would not agree to sell the house if I was in your position.

Please get legal advice as you are not obligated to oblige him. The sale of the family home and the disruption to your children is unfair.

You haven't mentioned whether your husband has moved out.

Why is he pushing to sell. I consulted a Family Law Specialist last time we separated as I had moved out, which I was advised was a bad move, financially.

Please get something in writing with a Lawyer before you agree to sell anything. 

I was a miserable mess after my last separation and my Lawyer took the weight of dealing with my husband off my shoulders.

Has your Husband had legal advice? Has he served you with divorce papers? All this needs to be taken into consideration.

Good Luck and take it from me, that you are going to be o.k. eventually. Stay safe!

[ecomama]

Dear Elizabeth, I'm sorry you're in this situation, it's hard. 

Sleep can evade us when we're stressed beyond our eyeballs. I remember only being able to sleep 30-40 mins at a time 2 or 3 times per night but our separation & Family Law cases went for over 5 years. 

I hadn't found YouTube yet! 
You can listen to sleep Meditation on YT and I love Dr Joe Dispenza's ones because they lead you into "the world of infinite possibilities" which is GREAT for your situation right now. 

Please seek Legal Advice. 
You do NOT have to sell your home, especially if the Deeds or mortgage is in joint names. 

You can call Women's Legal Service for free Family Law advice. They were BEYOND excellent in my cases (5 Courts in all). I couldn't speak any more highly of their support during my worst of times. 
Please reach out. 

I also got my own Counsellor at this time and still have the same one. 

Once things are finalised, you WILL feel freer of this turmoil. 
You WILL have a beautiful life. 

Just some wading through "stuff" atm. 

How are you doing today? 

Love EMxxxx