Losing ones abilities

[white knight]

I'm only 61yo. Forcibly retired 4 years ago due to psychotic episodes I've become relatively stable on medication and am in a great marriage. Other things like my daughters wedding last week and home life is as good as its ever been.

The first most obvious symptom is loss of short term memory. That's been slowly getting worse over the last 6-7 years. Then there is banking. I have always been a good mathematician yet I get confused entering a bank to see the difference between a common withdrawal and cash advance, credit card use or savings...those basic choices seem to be getting more complicated. Imagine my wife finding out I made a cash advance on credit with the extra interest when I was suppose to do it by other means...and she told me 20 seconds before I entered the bank!!

Wandering thoughts are no longer a problem as they used to be. But I'll fail to concentrate when I need to. I lose track of my conversation when someone interrupts. I used to get angry at those instances but now accept it because its normal for them, but its also normal for people to hold onto their thoughts of their input so they can revert back to it...I cant, or rarely can.

Like all mental illnesses the other party has little grasp of the enormity of the problem. One doesn't like to blame ones mind for everything. So you make someone angry and you learn to swallow that.

Sometimes I'm my old self. Full of energy, sharp wit, bright and a little manic. Those times are reducing.

I've passed on many tasks to my wife. I'm more into basics now. I love cooking mostly my own recipes that aren't written down...all in the mind., I garden mainly vegies in the season, work on my vintage car and Mr fix it, handyman.

Along with this reduction of abilities is the feeling of despair, not good enough, always forgetting things, less interest in some activities as they bore me. It's that "I don't want to do much unless it can change the world" factor. Eg I'm trying to get a rotunda built by council in our local park. It has a lot of red tape and sometimes I just feel like throwing the project away. I went to a meeting recently whereby someone complained that the rotunda (being donated by a resident so zero costs to the community) would attract people that will defecate in the nearby creek. It was absurd and it angered me. People!

Do you feel the same? Does someone you love have lost basic functions they once mastered? I've got bipolar2, depression dysthymia.

Tony WK

[Croix]

Dear Tony~

Losing functions as one gets older is normal - quite apart from the added effect of mental illness. The number of people that go thought to old age with fit body and great memory is not all that many.

My body is a pain, and my mind - well at least my memory - is getting less all-encompassing and reliable.

I don't think it is just reconciling oneself to a lesser role in life, relying on others to do what we did. That may partly be true, relying more on a partner, not doing the maintenance and so on.

I do think it means thee is an opportunity for the role to change. Now, although I would not claim any great wisdom, the piling up of years has given me experience, an ability to short-cut trial and error, to see implications where before it was just a mystery. To look at someone and have sometimes an idea of what they think, what they will do.

Although western society does not go out of its way to value the older person each has a store of life experience -and possibly a certain detachment - that should be treasured and made great use of.

I'm lucky at work as I'm mentoring another who is starting out in life, and find great pleasure in guiding, and having that guidance appreciated.

My wife may think my memory not spot on all the time, but she know me, that I'm there for love, reliability, a shared set of values, common sense (hopefully).

I look at all the posts you make here. You are guiding and mentoring.

Swings and roundabouts I guess

Croix

[Croix]

P.S. I suppose your next civic project will be a toilet block adjacent to the new rotunda?
-C

[White_Rose]

Dear Tony

I am sorry that you are in such distress. Getting older is not for the faint-hearted and I don't think you have ever been faint-hearted. You are passionate about many topics and give your accrued knowledge freely to everyone.

I have been reading lately about the role of older people in the community. What role do we have once we no longer go out to work? Well we have many roles in the community. You are engaged in establishing community facilities, to make your community a little more comfortable. Often those still in the workforce have no time for these things.

But more to the point you have your skills and knowledge which have accumulated over many years. Traditionally it is the older generation who pass these on to the next or next but one generations.Society may appear to forgotten about you but that's not the case. You have valuable assets, and I don't just mean your home. Who are the people that get involved in community, who know the background of different projects and how they were established, who are prepared to contribute to community good? That's you Tony.

We are the guardians of knowledge and tradition and it is our job to pass this on to the next generations. Our roles have changed from when we were children to now and we will continue to change and contribute.

So pleased you have written on this topic.

Mary (who is also getting on)

[Kazzl]

Hey Tony, I was just passing and saw the light on ... a big hug to you my fellow bipolar traveller. I experience a lot of what you describe, especially the lousy memory, getting confused, losing words and train of thought ... it's the pits. And it's very common among us. I was with my bipolar buddies support group this arvo and we were talking about just these kinds of things, and we're a mix of ages.

I try to take the approach that life's about what we CAN do, not what we can't. And we can do heaps. You built a caravan. No one else I know could possibly do that. You contribute to your community, you contribute immensely here, you've created a happy peaceful home - so very many people can't do that.

Stand tall my friend. You're enough as you are.

Love, Kaz

[White_Rose]

Good to hear from you Kaz.

[Kazzl]

Hiya hun, thanks. 😀

[Croix]

Dear Kaz~

I'm really pleased you are still here too, even if only occasionally. Take care

Croix

[Kazzl]

Hiya Croix, thanks mate. I'm still around, lurking now and then. 😀

This is Tony's thread, so I'll get back on topic.

Tony I was talking to another bipolar friend today and we both have a history of 'project phases' - starting things, giving them absolutely everything we've got for a while, then suddenly losing interest, especially after a bit of a setback. It's just something we do - doesn't mean we're not good enough, we're just different in how we see the world and function in it.

Kaz

x

[white knight]

Hi all

Thankyou everyone. Well my wife and I had a long chat. We put in place ideas like keeping one account only for my expenses, fuel, car accessories, new teddy bear....and not using any other account. Issue Fixed.

We often talk about "triggers". 90% of my triggers are people's harsh comments or negativity. My rotunda project needs community blessing and as its a donated building it wont cost the community a dime, yet one member of the action group would not endorse the project as there "should be toilets provided" (note criox)

Of course as a project council wont approve it with a cost of a $60,000 toilet block added at this stage.

Anyway it will likely get the go ahead but grandstanding by some, triggers my mood. Add that issue at the bank and my triggers were well in place.

I'm humbled by all your comments and take them on board. Kaz knows that bipolar has its own obstacle course daily. All my knowledge mainly from life experiences doesnt seem to help when those triggers come along.

In two weeks time we'll hook up that little van to our vintage car and head north. So luckily we have that ability. Some bush tucker, quiet river rest stops and lots of cuddles from my beautiful wife, our mini foxy and that new teddy bear....

Thankyou. I'm feeling much better.

Tony WK