Is positivity always helpful.?

[quirkywords]

In the last decade there has bee a big emphasis on being positive all the time.

I have had a problem with this and now I am reading articles that agree with me that in some instances being over positive can not be appropriate or even helpful.

How can positivity be extreme you may ask? Positivity has a time and place, and if ill timed or relied on in an inappropriate situation, positivity has the potential to be dangerous.

However it can be harmful to relationships, particularly when a person is struggling and their partner pushes them to “look on the bright side” without listening to what they are feeling.

What do you think?
So are ok when someone tells you to look at what you have and not to complain?

Or do you find when you are telling people how you are feeling that they don’t listen and tell you to be grateful, that you get annoyed.

Let me know what you think.

Is there a time and place for positivity?

[randomxx]

Hi there grandy and also sorry to hear all that but in a way it kind of goes with what l was getting at but only in ways. Not to say in like your case for example or many others either it's a bad thing, for you it sounds as if it might even kind of help you in some ways like with work and stuff these days and others too, good thing right.

Do you feel a bit better later that you've had some smiles and chats and been around some people and brought some smiles to others to, had a change of pace for the day?

l wouldn't for a second call that fake in any way don't be hard on yourself pat yourself on the back l say.

Personally l reckon it's helpful l know it is for myself anyway to get out there and drag myself out of the doldrums, make a bit of effort with people as l do l usually feel a bit better for it later.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Quirky, randomxxx, CMF,……🤗..

Quirky, please dear sweet friend,ndo not apologise for thinking your thread has upset me…because it hasn’t…not at all…🤗…..I suppose some words spoken here just got me thinking about how different I am at work, to how I really feel…for me, it’s easier to play the happy positive person, I learnt long ago, people leave me alone, don’t question me about my feelings when I  am all happy and positive….

Portraying happiness and positivity, everyone thinks that you are doing okay with life and within yourself….it also helps to bring people up….Going to work sad, unhappy and depressed just brings people down and then they stay away from you…or worse they start pestering you constantly to find out why….which can get too overwhelming at times….the constant asking of what’s the matter only magnifies my thoughts of whatever I’m down about….because each time someone asks, immediately my thoughts go to my distress…So, in a strange way, yes, being positive and happy also helps me….until I lock up the shop and get into my car to go home…Its like a switch that turns on at work, then switches off once I leave the work premises….

I think it’s easier to show positivity around people, then it is when you’re at home, when you only have you….then you can be your true self and stop that protective charade, that exhausted both your mind and body…

Kind thoughts, hugs and care everyone…🦋🤗🌈..

Grandy..

[x__]

to answer the title question: you are right that sometimes positivity can be harmful and this is recognised and known as "toxic positivity"

the most common form, known as "Pollyanna syndrome", is where someone uses excessively positivity to deceive themselves, or someone else, that something is not as bad as it is, so a pathological version of "look on the bright side"

but there is a second form that is far more insidious and harmful, and that's when it's used to provide plausible deniability for covert abuse

this second form is the positivity of cults, brainwashing and mind control, and is very, very hard to detect and is therefore extremely dangerous over the long term

the underlying message is that you are broken, and the abuser is the one who can fix you

when you have experienced this and you can recognise the pattern, you see it in so many places (that can't be mentioned for risk of starting a fire)

[quirkywords]

Grandy I have admired you from your first post and am in awe of surviving a horrible relationship. You are so kind and always offer to help others with your experience . 
Your posts are full of wisdom and I learn from you . 

[quirkywords]

X _
thanks for your contribution to the post.The positivity of cults is very interesting. I think many cults make people feel inferior and drag then down the encourage lots of singing and trusting the leaders and believing them.

I think the positivity I was thinking of was just the pressure to be happy and not negative . 

[CMF]

It is very hard to be positive if we are not happy. What others see as being negative can actually be sadness at loss, being treated poorly, being afraid, being angry. 

[x__]

quirky

I understand you were talking about the pollyanna syndrome I was referring to

the point I was making about cult-like mind control is that it's not at all restricted to actual cults, and that it is deliberately used deceptively in order to manipulate

presenting a plausible facade of positivity is how predatory groups lure vulnerable people into their grasp and keep their true predatory intentions concealed

I'm not talking about fringe groups here: there are very large, powerful groups and organisations that do this, in full public view, and are shielded from any scrutiny or consequence because a lot of money is spent to maintain the positive facade

obviously naming and shaming here would not be proper, but if you know the signs it doesn't take too much thought to figure out which groups are likely doing this

most importantly, the point is that if you are vulnerable, then you can't always trust that someone's positivity is well-intentioned