I’m stressed to the max!!

[She_bangs_the_drums]

Hello this is my first post and feeling kind of awkward writing this. I should be enjoying Easter with family, not looking for online advice about stress..but glad I have found this forum 👍. Hoping to get some advice or peoples thoughts on here about me resigning from my job.

I work for a national builder and work under state directors and senior managers. I have always, in all my roles over the years never allowed myself to get stressed and always tried to switch off and ‘not take work home’. I have seen a few people in my company burn out and have resigned or taking time out for mental health issues. In these virus times like many other companies ours has made people redundant and we are trying to finish projects off, we need to win more work ‘or none of us will have a job’. So the pressure is on and ‘some would say’ our people do get paid well to deal with this.

I have just started to notice the last few weeks everything has ramped up. Peoples attitudes changing, so much politics and I’m constantly stressed out over thinking, not sleeping and thinking about my task list, constantly questioning myself ‘what’s next?’, ‘how do I close this out?’, ‘why is this on me to sort out’? ‘why isn’t the other guy doing this, it’s his job to do it? I’ve also noticed my fuse is getting shorter with people and I am arguing with people more.

Then last Monday night after work I was lying on my bed and my little boy sat by me and said ‘how’s work dad, everything okay?, you look really tired’. I haven’t cried for years and tears just started pouring out, I told him to go down stairs not to show him.. I have never felt like this and I really feel I should just quit, life’s to short and health and family are way more important. I think I have to give four weeks notice. If I quit on the spot I don’t think I will get paid my 5weeks annual leave? Then if I quit I am worried my name gets tarnished by management and it will be hard to find another company?

Should I just stick it out and perhaps the round two of cuts they make in a few months will have me included and I get paid out properly?

As I mentioned I have never felt this way before and advice on here would be great from anyone who has been through same thing?. Many thanks

[Croix]

Dear She bangs the drums~

I regret you have not been answered before now, this must make you feel both disappointment, disillusioned and ignored, and that after you would have made a big effort and change in thinking just to come here and lay it all out.

Unfortunately our system does not always work as we would like, and it ends up with the occasional person being in delay for far too long. Please rest assured it is nothing to do with you or the subject of your post, which is a most important one.

You have two sources of stress, your family, where you look after them, and your work, which you are also trying to look after, not only for your own sake I'm sure, but for the security of all.

In normal times with a constant set of work projects coming in and things ticking along (yes there would be problems, that normal) you have managed to cope OK, being able to separate work from at least part of your life. A healthy and sustainable way to be.

Now however the situation has drastically changed and you finding your workload has maxed out, others are playing politics to secure their positions rather than buckling down and doing their bit, and the importance of what you are doing (for the survival of all) has ramped up. and up.

So it's not surprising it has taken over your life and you do not have that separation between work and home. I kept on having worked piled on me and became ill; anxiety, depression and other things. I made a big mistake in thinking it was me and not seeking help. Nobody is an inexhaustible well of strenght, and you have reached your limit.

Because I left things too long I became very hard to treat. So please do not make my mistake and try to take all this on your shoulders. Please go talk with a GP in an extended consultation, explain about feeling the need to quite, the uncontrolled tears and the never-ending pressure. Plus the financial worries this all produces.

Your position however simply can't continue. I suggest you be diagnosed, and may find you need proper treatment. The form that may take could be one of several things, however getting rid of the stressor until you improve may well mean some sick leave - even if your company does not like it.

I'd also like ask abut your family,do you have anyone to support you and understand what is happening to you at home?

I would suggest that the medical support is the first thing to seek before doing anything else.

Would you like to come back and say more?

Croix

[Samsonsam]

The above post is some good advice. I'd also recommend you consider would you be more or less stressed if you resigned. If you are financially stable at the moment and think you will do fine after resigning and you find the job is stressing you then you can decide whether or not to resign but if you find you might be in financial hardship resigning now it may result in additional stress particularly since finding another job may be difficult right now. The above post makes good points about finding treatment first because someone as simple as a counsellor or psychologist may be able to walk you through with some help that helps you get through this difficult time. It honestly sounds as though just talking to someone may help you as that often helps people more than they expect. Unfortunately seeking help often has a stigma behind it however you already made a giant step by posting on here and seeking someone to simply talk to I really think would do you a load of good.

I spent 5 years in a job I didn't enjoy and the toll it takes on your body isn't good and I know if I had sought help earlier I would have been able to handle the stress better. I really wish the best for you.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Many of us here have faced the kind of situation you are now in. Hindsight is wonderful so maybe we can project our outcomes to you and what could happen.

In my case I’d worked in high stress working environments like jails, security and running my own investigation business where enough work was always a worry. So 6 years ago it all came to a head. With bipolar one of my illnesses two psychotic events in quick succession stopped my working life forever.

My view is, your financial situation will dictate your decisions. If you can survive by resigning with 4 weeks notice then I would dismiss the extra you’d get. Once you have put your notice in, the sense of relief will be enough to feel some immediate recovery. But their is another option- to lay out the actual issues you face daily with the hope management act, all the while your resignation is in your pocket for presentation if nothing changes.

Other more radical changes may or may not be considered. Changes in living environment, career change, tree or sea change etc depending on your circumstances.

Reading the first post of each thread listed below might help- use google

beyondblue topic the best praise you’ll ever get

beyondblue topic burnout, the turtle and the hare

beyindblue topic the balance of your life

beyondblue topic MELTDOWN,back to basics

beyondblue topic you are sliding what can you do?

reply anytime

TonyWK

[She_bangs_the_drums]

Many many thanks for your post. Really appreciate the time out you took to write.

Yes my partner is now aware of what has been happening, she wants me to resign as no job is worth the stress and family and health come first.

I will be checking in with my GP and also monitoring work this week. Also we have crunched the numbers for if I resign and we will be okay as we have decent savings and will be living frugally until next position or maybe career change is needed.

Many thanks and speak later

[She_bangs_the_drums]

Many thanks for replying and being so open also. Really appreciate these posts.

[She_bangs_the_drums]

Many thanks Tony for taking the time out to write and the third paragraph you have written is exactly what I have done/am doing. I have my resignation letter ready to go and just covering all basis. I will be in touch later.

thank you

[She_bangs_the_drums]

Hello guys hope you are all well. just mailing a quick update.. I resigned today, so will work 4 weeks and get paid the 5 weeks holidays I am owed. It is a massive release and feeling happier, excited and already planning the future 😉

I was and have been talking to another company previously, but need time off with family and to put some energy into two online business my wife wants to set up.. so these next few months will be perfect to concentrate on family, health and these sidelines. Then re evaluate toward the end of the year.

Massive thanks for your posts and advice. Take it easy and stay safe all. 👍

[white knight]

Great news, well done in being proactive and brave in these tough times.

That change will be a holiday.

TonyWK