Coronavirus: Tips & discussion on how to cope with loneliness & missing loved ones/support networks when we are unable to see them in person

[Peppermintbach]

Hello lovely people,

I realise there are already wonderful COVID-19 related threads, which is fantastic, such as:

- Coping during the Coronavirus Outbreak: the main, overarching support thread on Coronavirus

- How to take practical advantage of isolation: thread that focuses on predominantly activities to cope

So I would like the focus of this thread to be a little different where the focus of this thread to be more on the interpersonal relationships side of things:

1. Tips to maintain & form interpersonal relationships/connections with people that we don’t live with & can’t see in person for now

2. Coping with loneliness

I’ve noticed a recurring theme where many of us are struggling with the loss of face-to-face support. Us humans are social creatures.

We are physiologically programmed to connect with others from birth to childhood to teenage years to adulthood. It’s human nature...

So it makes sense that the loss/ reduction in face-to-face contact is taking such a toll. I miss my friends & family, but I can’t see them in person while this is happening.

But I’m also 1 of the lucky ones, not because I’m better/more deserving (I’m not)....but because luck has me in a position of having a strong support network. This is just temporary for me; I realise that isn’t always the case for everyone (& through no fault of their own).

So, I encourage you to discuss/share ideas on how to stay connected...

Here are some of the things that I do:

- Recognise the type of loneliness that I’m feeling (e.g. emotional support, social aspect, etc) so I can plan my virtual meetings to help meet my needs (e.g. close friends only versus a big virtual party).

- schedule regular video chats with friends & family to stay in touch

- try to schedule virtual meetings in a way that mimics my “normal life” (e.g. I used to do the bulk of my socialising towards the 2nd 1/2 of the week, so I schedule virtual catch-ups more towards the 2nd 1/2 of the week).

I do this for 2 reasons:
1. It helps me maintain a sense of “normalcy”
2. It will make it easier to transition back to my “old life” when this is over.

- Plan virtual activities with people that mimic what you used to do e.g. if you were part of a book club that met on Thursdays then organise m a virtual one through Zoom also on Thursdays

I hope we get to chat. Feel free to share your ideas & discuss 🙂

kindness & care,
Pepper

[Elizabeth CP]

I care for my husband. He requires regular therapy to manage his condition but most of that is online. My psych appointments are online or by phone so I find I'm spending too much time online, I speak to family members on the phone but scheduling extra online activities is unhelpful for me.

I'm using my walks as a chance to get face to face contact (still maintaining the required distance to stay safe) A smile & brief comment or greeting helps me feel less isolated.

Think about what might brighten someones day For example I walked past a lady busy weeding her garden. I turned to her and complemented her on her beautiful garden where she had finished the weeding. Her face lit up with a smile at the appreciation of her work and I felt good cheering her up. It doesn't take much but everyone needs a little human contact (at at least 1.5m apart) while we are so isolated.

[Emmen]

This is a great idea, Pepper!

I personally find online games a great way to stay connected with friends. We'll usually set a time (could be a Friday night, or a weekend afternoon, basically pick a time we'd normally have met up) and decide on a game beforehand. The planning itself provides some kind of distraction because we're all pretty indecisive when it comes to games. This are many useful list of games compiled by  lovely people has been going around lately - just search "quarantine games list" and I'm sure you'll find plenty.

Cheers,
Emmen

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, comments & suggestions 🙂

I’m glad you keep in touch with family members via phone calls, Elizabeth. I also think it’s very thoughtful of you to try to brighten a stranger’s day, while still practising social/physical distancing, when out on your walks.

Thank you for the caring reminder to us all to spread a little kindness to help us stay connected.

I think it’s wonderful that you’re staying connected with friends through virtual games, Emmem. Also, I love how you’re doing it in a way that mimics how you used to organise your game days/nights. I think it helps us to maintain a sense of “normalcy”, so to speak.

I just thought of some ideas today that I think can help us stay connected with our loved ones/support networks:

• Start themed virtual group chats with family, friends & other support people. Examples of topics/themes could be, “daily gratitude”, “coping with COVID-19”, “Daily highlights”, etc to check in on & encourage each other
• If you’re lucky enough to have the budget for it, maybe surprise loved ones with an online order of groceries (or something else they need) to be delivered to their homes. But please order from a business where you can opt for contactless delivery, which means the groceries/essential items will be left on their doorstep with zero contact between delivery personnel & residents
• If there is a friend/family member/etc who has become unusually quiet on your usual virtual communication platforms maybe reach out to them one-on-one (phone, text or video chat) to check how they are coping & if they are okay.

That is all for now...

Please feel free to discuss or share ideas on how to stay connected with loved ones/support network that you don’t live with or can’t see in person 🙂

Kindness & care,

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely people,

I find social isolation enormously difficult. For me, it’s probably the hardest part. Even though I agree with the restrictions, & I’m following it, I still find it challenging.

Something that has been helping me is making future plans for when the pandemic is over or restrictions lift. Specifically, I find making future plans with people (that I can’t currently see in person) to offset some of my current feelings of depression & disconnection. We discuss our plans virtually 🙂

Admittedly, we don’t know when the pandemic will be over. But planning gives me a ray of hope, & it acts as a reminder of the temporary nature of social isolation. Also, I think it’s a good bonding exercise to plan together (virtually) 🙂

For example, I have made plans (virtually) to celebrate when the pandemic is over. For example, a pampering/glam day with a close friend, & a big family dinner at an unknown future date (only when the pandemic is over or restrictions lift, not now or the foreseeable future). While we don’t know when we will be able see each other again, discussing the future gives us hope.

So if you’re missing loved ones/friends/support network/other, maybe have virtual discussions with them to plan future activities for when the pandemic is over. Yes, it will be at an unknown date, & yes, there is a lot of uncertainty. But it might give you a little ray of hope & something to look forward to 🙂

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I think now is particularly challenging for people who live alone or people without a support network.

I think we can all help out by regularly checking in on one another at the local level. I mean, checking in on acquaintances, workmates, friends & family who live alone or who have limited support.

Suggestions to connect with people who live alone (or who have limited support) include:

1. Regular virtual check-ins, such as weekly, and not just as a one-off or very inconsistently or haphazardly. I think especially as now is such an uncertain time, consistency really helps to offset some feelings of uncertainty 🙂

2. Plan ahead by scheduling times to virtually check in on people e.g. Thurs & Fri nights as your times to call people to ask how they are doing

3. Ask people (virtually) what support they need, rather than assume you know. Everyone is different.

One person might prefer virtual chats that are very philosophical, whereas another person might find talking about daily life, food & movies more helpful. Etc.

4.Try to be emotionally responsive/attuned as much as we can. Active listening helps (virtually). No one does it perfectly all the time, but I think we can all try & adapt as needed 🙂

Some people want validation for their feelings, some people want advice, some people want a distraction, some people want a casual conversation to catch up, etc.

Kindness & care,

Pepper