I’m lost and don’t know where to turn

[Warney1967]

I’ve suffered depression and anxiety for over 40 years and recently been diagnosed with social anxiety, dependent personality disorder and disthymia at the very least . I had my own business I’d worked at for 16 yrs and was happy enough making decent money and working hours I wanted leaving time for my passion golf . To cut along story short my girlfriend at the time started working with me and after a while it was too easy to just put things off til tomorrow and go home or go to lunch etc well this soon snowballed out of control and jobs weren’t getting done . That relationship ended but the wheels were in motion to my not working at all , my anxiety stopped me from facing clients I hadn’t been servicing and it was easier to just not face them hence where I’m at now 3 years later still not working , can’t or not wanting to but needing to for my own sake , my relationship and financially . I don’t know where to turn to or where to start to try get my life back because right now it’s void of anything . This brings me to my second issue and not a proud one but still it’s there , I have way too much spare time on my hands and when I’m feeling down ( most days ) I need a buzz or high which is a hard thing to find when you have disthymia I resort to online activities with other women for that , again not proud but it’s there and not going away without help . I have great support from my fiancé and my guilt is massive but sometimes the craving for a buzz outweighs the guilt . I hope that someone here can get what I’m about and give me some advice or tell their story so I know I’m not the only person going thru this crap . Regards greg ☹️

[PamelaR]

Hello Greg

You do seem very sad about how you're feeling at the moment. It's good you've made your way to Beyond Blue (BB) forums.I note you've posted previously so I go into the introductions like i usually do.

Depression and anxiety are so the pits. I've lived with these for the past 50 odd years and still need to manage them on an ongoing basis so they don't take control. It's hard work but people do get there.

You have a couple of things going on for you that you want help with. Just wondering whether you've seen your gp and/or a therapist recently? I ask this because that's one of my main sources to help me stay well.

You ask for advice to stories so that 'I know I'm not the only person going thru this crap'. Well, what I've done when really down and not doing anything about it - I gambled. Talk about guilt. Lost an awful lot of money. I've been gambling free now for over 5 years (thank goodness). I've a partner who also has PTSD, anxiety and depression and his outlet used to be buying and reading X rated material. When he was feeling really bad, he would write - i.e. make up his own stories.

From my own experience and my partner's these activities were a diversion from working on the issues causing us anxiety and depression. And of course the more we avoided looking at the issues, the worse the activities became. Once the root causes were looked at and managed through a therapist and self care, the activities ceased.

So to answer your question, no you are not alone. You can find information on anxiety and depression by doing a google search -

• anxiety - beyond blue
• depression - beyond blue

Hope the above helps Greg.

Kind regards

PamelaR