I am a person of worth because...

[Guest_1055]

From reading other peoples posts, so many of us feel or thing we are worthless myself included.. To tell you the truth, I am sick of believing that lie. That sneaky little lie, that causes great crippling within us.

And I am thinking that most of us believe or base our worth on:

• - what people say about us, like people that say we are worthless

• -what the media, tv, and movies may portray

• -whether we have lots of money or not

• - the type of work we do or do not do

• - whether we are highly educated or not

• - what we physically look like

• - whether we are ignored, neglected. ( yeah this one fits me)

• - whether we are married or not

• -whether we have friends, or we don't have friends

And there is most likely more reasons that we are trying to get our worth from. And I don't think we have to actually try, it sort of sink into us. This sneaky lie.

I think, and I would be interested to know other people's thoughts. We have to base our worth on something that never changes. That is always there. So here is some things to thing about.

I am a person of worth because:

                                                                         I AM RARE

There is only one of me in the whole population on this earth, this fact never changes. A rare thing is very valuable, priceless. Do you agree? So we must be of some worth if we are so priceless.

Anyway that's it

With love xxx

[Lookingforpeace]

Hi Shelley

Interesting post and so true. For me I would add that I also base my worth on the mistakes I have made.

BUT I am a person of worth because I am kind.

Thanks for sharing with us.

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Shelley anne,

I found your post, "I am a person of worth because..." to be very interesting and important. I think it matters a lot what and how we think about ourselves, especially as our culture and society places much emphasis on status and other people's opinions (as you have already mentioned). All external stuff but just how can one ever make the grade?! when one's worth is being continuously judged and compared, to, and by, others?

"We have to base our worth on something that never changes. That is always there." I agree with you. I am RARE means I am unique, priceless and valuable! How very true but also, what I have come to believe is that a person has worth because he or she EXISTS! Simple as that...and that each of us has one unit of worth, no greater or less than anyone else. And this worth is "unchangeable".

Thinking in this way benefits me because I automatically believe/know I have value, the same as for anyone else. I also have more control over my self worth and a healthy way of protecting it. As well it helps me when battling negativity caused by my depression.

I hope these few remarks are of interest to you. Thanks for a very thought provoking topic.

TMB

[Guest_1055]

Hey  TMB

Oh thanks for your reply, I do feel you understand me. And that you are speaking my language. 

But I do have a question for you if that is OK? Even if we believe with our minds that we are someone of worth and we know we have value, why do I and many others still feel that we are not valuable?  I understand thinking is different to a feeling or emotion. But how do you get your feelings to match up to the pure truth and fact that we are priceless. How do we get the feeling matched to our thinking? 

 Please feel free but I would value your thoughts here, and I am keenly interested to hear them.

Hugs to you

Shelley xx

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Shelley,

Wow, what a good question. I'll try to answer as best I can.

I think depression can play a big part in making us feel bad even though we know better. There's a chemical imbalance that exaggerates negative feelings like sadness and dejection. These are so strong that they can't be "thought" away. Hence a depressed person may not feel very valuable even while knowing they are in theory.

Also, I think that with a thought one needs to repeat it often enough to make it real. I mean saying to yourself once or twice that you are a good person isn't really going to affect you. But if you repeat it over and over and over it becomes a belief and the subsequent feeling should then arise. For e.g. If you regard yourself as rare and priceless, if you really believe it and say it to yourself many times over then you would probably feel better about yourself (That is if you're not depressed). I hope I am explaining myself properly.


Finally, each of us has a critic in our minds, that little (or big) voice that belts you up when you make a mistake etc.or calls you names when it suits. The critic can be very active at times and powerful. Some can be more caustic than others and can wreak havoc with one's self worth. This can be a reason why some people are  not feeling terribly valuable.

I hope this helps to answer your question. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask.

Looking forward to your reply

All the best

TMB

[Guest_1055]

Thankyou TMB

Much appreciate your thoughts there.

So what you are saying is, when we are in a depressed state, then the feelings are overwhelming, we really can't see the actually truth.

The times I feel worthless, I think I am believing that critic that you mentioned. I think I do indeed base my worth on the behaviour of others towards me. But I want to be free of that. And only rely on the truth. So no matter how people treat me or no matter what life throws at me, I just want to be secure and stable.

I think you have a valid point there about repeating the fact that we are indeed worthwhile and valuable. And that the feelings will follow. Because the opposite would also be true, if some unkind person tells you enough that you are nothing, you are worthless then you would start to feel that way. Especially if you are a little child. So I am now guessing if we have children, we need to keep reminding them of the fact that they are so precious and valuable, so that there belief system is so firmly grounded in this.

Anyway thank you so much TMB, and I'll say it to you, you are priceless.

Shelley xx

[Durras]

Hi Shelly Anne and TMB,

thankyou for these posts, I don't really know what to say in response right now as I am a person who needs to re read things over and over again to really gain the full insight but I know from reading it now it is very valuable to us all for our recovery so for that reason alone I want to say thank you to both of you.

What I would like to say is you are both right we are all very much valuable, rare, precious, beautiful within and worthy of life full of happiness but yes our critical voice within limits us to see all we truly are and worthy off.

I think I should leave it there else I will ramble on and get lost in my words, thoughts and not make sense.

But thank you both for these wonderful posts, I will re-read them and try to understand them more, I'm a slower under stander and my vocabulary with words are limited too.

Big Hugs to both of you

Durras x

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Shelley,

I just wanted to make a few comments on your post and thank you for your very nice compliment. Much appreciated.

Yes, I'm saying that when depression is of a certain depth, our mood is chemically affected and we don't necessarily believe the truth, that we have great value...

I think I understand your yearning for security and stability. When younger I longed for this too. For a healthy way to handle the difficulties of life.  My strategies at the time weren't really working at all. Then I came across a self-esteem book that changed everything. To be free of toxic thinking and have beliefs based on truths led to a remarkable improvement. You can deal with what life throws at you, in a healthy, positive way. You become more independent, stronger, more aware, free-er and more compassionate!

If someone did criticize your worth repeatedly you may be affected in a negative way BUT if you have a healthy, strong self-esteem you are able to repair the damage much more quickly (or repel attacks completely). If you have a poor self-esteem and therefore little proper awareness you haven't much to fight back with and restore your balance. Typically, you end up feeling a lot of pain.

I know little about self worth regarding children but I totally agree with what you're saying regards teaching kids about their preciousness and value. What I do notice is that you have great insight into this subject and other related ones e.g. your post on forgiveness. My Self-esteem thinking says it is best to be TUF (tolerant, understanding and forgiving). This leads to compassion for others and most importantly, compassion for oneself.


Hi Durras,

Thank you very much for your kind words. You are right about the critical voice limiting us. It can be very toxic but the good news is that it can be almost fully disarmed which can make a world of difference to one's self worth. I think it is an excellent trait that you have, to take time to understand things fully. And I can see that you express yourself very well.

[the_motorcycle_boy]

To Shelley and Durras,

This is the book on self-esteem which I chanced upon some years ago. If you are interested, here are it's details...

The whole title is, Self-Esteem (Third Edition) A proven program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning.

Publisher - New Harbinger Publications

ISBN: 1572241985

Don't let the long title scare you. The book is chock full of easy to access information to help improve and maintain your self-esteem. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Hugs to you both, you are both wonderfully caring, compassionate people.

May your self worth fill you full of love for yourselves and others.

Have a Merry Xmas!
TMB

[Durras]

Hi TMB

Sooo sorry I just seen this post from you and thank you deeply for your thoughts and sharing the information with me and for others to see.

I will definitely try to find it and get it, I have also ordered a book called Managing depression with mindfulness just waiting for it now.

I had a lovely xmas and hope you had one too, also wishing you a wonderful new year.

Again thank you so much

Hugs to you

Durras