Hi DannyG (& a wave to dear birdy & all),
Thank you so much. I’m glad our posts have offered some small comfort to you. That’s really encouraging to hear 🙂
I wonder if it might help to maybe just let your current emotions play out naturally...perhaps you don’t need to know exactly what you’re going through right this minute. Just a little idea...
I understand that there’s maybe a sense of urgency/wanting to “know” & understand right now. But sometimes, I think things start making sense further along....sometimes it’s hard to make sense of things if a person is in the thick of it, so to speak. When there’s some distance later on, sometimes clarity comes.
I think maybe we all have different interpretations of the “present”, but based on what you’re saying, I feel as though you are already engaging with the “present” (or sometimes at least). As you said:
...sometimes it's in the background and I can sort of function with it being back there.
then other times it's right up front, like a really loud voice...
I think when it’s “in the background,” presumably you’re going about daily life doing whatever that might be (e.g. housework, “formal” work, etc). So in a way, aren’t you possibly already engaged with the present (so to speak) at times?
About the “process” and “stuck” part that you mentioned, I’m not entirely sure if my understanding is the same as yours. My understanding is for a lot of us the “processing” is ongoing (sometimes even lifelong), and it’s a combination of hard hitting moments as well as softer moments where the grief is in the background.
The pendulum, so to speak, swings back & forth between the intense and less intense. Again & again it swings. Many, many times (or at least in my experience).
Fine one minute, teary the next. A period of deep grief then some relief then something reminds us and the sadness returns. I suppose what I’m saying is I feel emotions don’t stand still...it fluctuates...to me, the fluctuations is part of the “processing”. Grief circles, zig zags, loops and spins in my experience...
Sorry, I’m not sure if that was very helpful or if I have been unclear and confusing. Regardless, I’m thinking of you, and if you feel like sharing anything else, you know we’re here 🙂
Kind and caring thoughts,
Pepper
