Healthy body image tips

[Guest_322]

Hi everyone,

I thought this thread might be helpful for developing healthy body image.

In saying that, these are just general tips and can't replace medical and allied health advice but I thought such a thread would be helpful.

You may or may not find these tips helpful- either is okay- but I thought that I would share things that I have learnt over the years.

Please feel free to share your own tips 😊

- not labelling food as "good" or "bad." Food is food.

- get a full body check to make sure there aren't physical health problems that are causing food/appetite issues.

- this is a really difficult one (because it's hard work and emotionally painful) but finding the root cause(s) of your binge eating/purging/deprivation/etc because food is often a "symptom" of a deeper wound. Sometimes this requires help from a psychologist, counsellor or other health professional.

- avoid discussions about kj/calories with friends and loved ones. Same goes for conversations where you put yourselves down for your weight and physical appearance.

- when complimenting friends and loved ones, try to make it about their personal attributes as opposed to their appearance.

- remember that photos online and in magazines are usually airbrushed.

- be wary of competitive dieting and exercising with friends. While it's great if you and a friend want to motivate each other to exercise and eat well in a supportive and healthy way, it's another thing when it turns into a competition.

- try to avoid fad diets.

- minimise constantly checking e.g. obsessive use of scales, pinching your stomach, etc. Try to set limits as to how often you check yourself/body e.g. weighing yourself once a week (for general health reasons).

- if you find that there are certain things that "trigger" unhealthy behaviours then minimise contact with those things/get rid of them. For example, I don't own a set of scales anymore because every time that I've had easy access to one, I end up weighing myself multiple times every single day, which in turn, triggers another set of unhealthy behaviours and on it goes...

- surround yourself with people who don't make you feel bad about your body and appearance. By the same token, minimise contact with people who criticise you for your appearance, engage in competitive dieting, etc.

- only lose/gain weight for your own sake and not because someone else is pressuring you to do it. It's your body.

- And remember, your weight doesn't define you.

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Hi Shell,

I appreciate your insight and sharing. Sadly, it's often hard to know what a parent is truly thinking...either way- regardless of whether he accepted you or not- I think the important thing is your dad didn't make you feel very accepted.

Yes...I think dads (and/or mums) way of relating to us would have an effect on our body image and sense of self and body acceptance. Also, I think the way that parents talk about other people's appearance can affect their children. I remember taking it all in when my parents commented on other people's appearance.

Thanks Shell!

Dottie x

[Quercus]

Hi Shelley Anne,

I think your idea has a lot of merit. Our families are our teachers and we learn what is normal from them.

I grew up with compliments like kind and sweet and funny but never pretty or beautiful from my mum. She would constantly tell me I needed to lose weight. Food was a drama in our house. Mum was slim no matter what she ate and we ate badly and followed her binge eating lessons and crazy diet phases. And things like buying a wardrobe of new clothes two sizes to small.

Dad kind of ignored us. He didn't know how to deal with girls so would be absent instead. The only comment I remember was him joking to my mum that "at least I inherited her big boobs". Charming.

I had a wonderful childhood. I love my family. My parents are loving and kind people. And yet these were my lessons on body image. And they were followed up and reenforced by an abusive relationship. And the comments of strangers and friends and peers that I've collected over the years.

Is it any wonder I don't have any self esteem? Not really. It's hard to work though the lessons you've learned through life about how others view you. Let alone trying to work out how to fix the damage.

[Just Sara]

When my son was 5, he asked me not to pick him up from school or kiss him if I did.

When I asked him why, he said the kids commented on how fat I was; it broke my heart.

He was my first and only child; the look on my face was enough to alert him to my emotional pain. He hugged me and burst into tears with shame. He promised to always love me no matter what I looked like and never listen to those kids again.

So for adults who were once children, there's a flip side. That's all I have to say.

Sara

[Guest_322]

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your honest and open admissions, Quercus and Sara. I'm a little tired so wish that I could say more but can't right now...

Everyone, feel free to post here if you. Feel free to talk to each other. Do what you feel works for you- support each other. Share, listen...whatever floats your boat.

I'll be taking a break from BB for a range of reasons. One thing that I'll be doing is getting more into music.

For those of you who are more familiar with me, you might be rolling your eyes and thinking "here we go again" with the music thing. For those of you who don't really "know" me too well, let's just say I really, really like music. Like, I love, love, love it. When things turn to s***, music is the one of the few things that get through to me.

Dottie x

[quirkywords]

I know Dottie is having a break so wondering if anyone is interested in adding to this thread.

I am thinking we can blame the media, advertising, and many other things on having a low self body image.

I think we should take control and not be told by others what is right way to look.

It is easy to blame others and of course it is not easy sometimes go against the majority.

Do we think we can start by liking just one part of our bodies.

Thoughts?

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Quirkywords,

How have you been? I've been a bit absent lately so I'm a little out of the loop 😊

I had a surprising discovery in my recent downwards spiral. That my self esteem has improved. Weird. Can't really pinpoint the why. But I think it's had a fair bit to do with the conversations on here and the do you love yourself thread.

I read a while ago a book said how to improve your self esteem.... Write a list of what you would do if you HAD self esteem. And then work through the list. So I started.

One of the things on my list was be physically strong and active so I've started using my running machine and getting outdoors more. The funny thing is focusing on wanting to feel strong and active rather than to lose weight has made a difference in how I feel about being active.

Then I wrote I would dress smarter and take care of myself better. It's a work in progress but I've been taking the time to do my hair rather than shoving it in a ponytail and put on a little makeup even if it means the kids have to wait for me. And it makes a difference. I feel a bit better putting aside a tiny bit of time for myself as well as the kids and hubby. It's made me realise I am allowed to want to feel nice. I am a priority too.

What would you put on your list Quirky?

[Guest_1055]

Hi quirky ....you asked if there was one part of my body that I liked. I came up with my eyes. They are large and a deep brown.

Quercus... for some reason I think it is the " qu" sound I get your name mixed up with quirkys name. No drama though....-all cool.

Mmm I have been wondering about the self esteem issue myself. So what are your thoughts on exactly what it is. ? I hope you don't feel pressured to answer? It is okay if you don't. You are free.

Perhaps knowing ones self is important enough to take care of? Like deep inside your heart!

Shell xx

[Quercus]

Haha yeah no worries I struggle with names all the time 😊

That's a difficult question actually. I thought about the why and I think it might just be I'm tired of worrying about what people think of me. Just tired and done with it.

Given the lows I've experienced in the past few years I realised something has to change. And how I feel about myself seems to be the easiest thing to work on.

I'm glad you could choose a body part you like Shell that's awesome. I like my eyelashes they're very long.

Thanks for your reply Shell 😊

[Just Sara]

Hey guys;

I thought I'd revamp this thread. Maybe as an ode to Dottie, but also to continue the banter, ideas and opportunity to bounce things off others.

I love the idea of writing a list of things I'd do if I had self esteem; thanks Quercus! You seem to be taking to it well. Hope things are continuing so please let us know ok?

Shelley; the word 'esteem' could be used in a sentence like; "I've held him in high esteem (or regard) since he supported us during the war" So I figure it means to think highly of myself as a person who has qualities that show respect, generosity, kindness, strength and so on.

I don't actually think it's about what we do as much as it is about how we regard ourselves and our qualities. I'm wondering if this fits into your understanding of the term?

So when I look in the mirror, does that reflection represent how highly I regard myself? Hmm...that's a hard question. I guess the next one would be; what does my reflection say to me about how I regard myself?

Am I worth more than how I treat myself? Do I deserve to look better? Or feel better for that matter.

Food for thought...

Sara x

[quirkywords]

Sara

I am glad you are going to revamp this thread .

I answered this in another thread but will look at the mirror and reflect on what I see.

Some days I see an old frumpy woman who looks like she has give up on how she looks.

Other days I see a woman who while she is not fashion conscious she feels okay about herself. Alas those days are not that common.

I actually avoid mirrors most days especially full length ones. I grew up in a house with many mirrors so I choose not to have many around me now.

Quirky