Finally ready to share my story with the world

[Zen_seeking]

Hi Everyone

I am a police officer and spent about half my career in front-line policing and the other half in covert ops.

About 2 years ago during a high risk operation I suffered a severe mental episode which resulted in being sent home (and to the doctor) as unfit for duty. For months I locked myself away and suffered from flashbacks, endless nightmares, anger attacks and total freak outs when I did venture outside.

I went through the usual process with psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors both within the police and externally. The end result was a diagnoses of PTSD - dissociative sub-type and anxiety.

Other than those who needed to know at work, the only person I told was my wife (girlfriend at the time).

For the past 2 years I have felt too embarrassed to speak to anyone else about it. This morning I woke up and decided to change that.

I would like to share my story and raise awareness. And hopefully I can help others in some way.

I have started telling my family. I have also created an installation account with the sole purpose of raising awareness and sharing my journey of further recovery and putting my life back together.

If you'd like to follow me my account is Zen_seeking.

If anyone has any advice on other ways I can raise awareness I would really appreciate any suggestions you have.

Thanks all

[white knight]

Hi Zen. Welcome

I certainly see this as being worthwhile. Especially in the law enforcement field and military.

"Law enforcement " covers a huge number of professions. Police, customs, local laws, rangers and so on. Police both state and federal are at the pointy end in terms of high risk of mental injury. Military members generally and returning from overseas conflict...war! Need help.

However we can't forget the rest. In the early 1980s there was the "Paddington bear affair" and the "colour TV affair". Both occasions found the relevant customs officer receiving a mental illness simply by doing their jobs, to enforce relevant laws involving import duty for import items in these cases politicians were the customers. They wanted special treatment. One officer was so severely traumatised he never left his unit again. His crime? He insisted in doing his job. Not corruptly.

I too fell into this scenario in 1987. My issue? I refused a direction from my senior officer. I worked as a dog ranger and local bylaws. His direction? That I no longer issued parking fines to a state govt car driven by a politician. At times his car was parked in a disabled bay. His reason? He didn't want to walk 50 metres. Unemployed and pensioners were never given such consideration.

My stance and refusal meant issuing $48 of fines after the directive. Arguments pursued with my boss and the panic attacks began. Eventually I got the sack. I went down fighting. I'd photocopied all the entries in the ledger made in pencil. But you know the drill....a scapegoat was easier to find than honesty and change.

It was all well and good to walk along the shops with shop keepers patting me on the back. But that didn't pay the bills.

There is a great cause in what you are proposing zen. Go ahead and my only advice is to not get obsessed in your objective. For becoming obsessed can be as harmful as the PTSD you are living with.

Keep all voluntary work in perspective. Have a life as well away from the project and good luck.

Tony WK

[Zen_seeking]

Hi Tony

Thanks for your reply, story and advice.

It's interesting that you should mention the times you were directed by senior officers.

Although not an initially obvious cause for me, while working through the issues with my psychologist the behaviour of senior officers and the organisations treatment of its staff came up frequently as contributing factors.

It adds weight to a theory I have that it's not only the traumatic experiences law enforcement and military personnel go through, but also the poor treatment of staff which is common in a military/paramilitary organisation.

I really believe that law enforcement at the very least needs to move away from this model as much as they can.

Thanks again for your reply