Feeling ok and the tide has turned

[Airies]

A year ago I was a mess and for 8 months I was in a dark dark place. Numerous hospital visits, medications, supportive family and lifestyle choices and I'm feeling ok.Being bipolar type 1 I tend to do things to extremes. I'm starting to string a number of good days together... I'm starting DBT in a few weeks which will test me somewhat. I'm putting one foot in front of another, not making any huge decisions and part of me is thinking I could be lulling myself into a false sense of security...I'm expecting a fall... I don't want to go where I was.. I don't know whether I could survive another bad episode.. It was scary and I was over it. I continue to have nightmares at night.. I sleep in some sort f medicated bliss but I have my moments.

cheers Len

[Kazzl]

Thanks hun xxx

Hiya Len - how are you today mate? No gardening here today - it's been raining like you wouldn't believe. Think I'll need an ark soon.

Cheers

Kaz

[Evan_John]

Len, it sounds like the growth that you've made sounds is in the form of wisdom and knowing yourself. You have your strategies and are more familiar with how to work with what you are going through. No one can take those gems from you. Keep growing, my friend.

[Airies]

Thanks folks,

glad that I can be of help. The journey continues ,the long slog. One foot in front of another. Goes back to my Marathon running days I guess. Just enjoying Father's Day .having my 2 boys around me. So completely different. I love them to bits they and my wife are my world...,

they surprisd me by visiting me yesterday. Blessed to have an early Father's Day present when they pulled up in the driveway. Was taken aback and quite moved by this loving gesture. The same morning I gazed at the photos of my family and realised how lucky I was to have them in my life and for a fleeing moment realised the dark times when I almost threw it all away...

The day before I tentatively stepped out and arranged a visit to see a lifelong friend whose friendship I had severed last year.

Bad mistake. Toxic, lesson learnt, never again.Friendship over. Time to move on. Better deserving and genuine people here.

Planted a rose yesterday and potted around the garden. Monty my mini foxy helped.My body can't do what it used to do.Taking painkillers left knee feels like bone on bone.Need to loose weight, get back on bike, lifestyle changes... Tiny Tiny steps.Working on staying in that sweet spot...Better sleep, no work nightmares....

Might try backing off meds a bit..

Plsn to stick around here ... Say my 2 bobs worth. BB is like my second family,

hugs allround 🙂

cheers Len

[Kazzl]

Hugs back to you Len - and happy father's day mate.

Kaz

[Airies]

Thanks Kaz,

another week start DBT orientation and start following Monday so no doubt that will upset the apple,cart. Some of these meds give me horrific nightmares.,Have my full wack and it's a gamble nightmares and tense sleep... Have less pills then agitated, anxious, gritting teeth.bad thoughts and the cycle continues.Still winning though 🙂

[Kazzl]

Still winning ... I love that Len. 😄

[Airies]

Losing today:( realysing the fine line between pleasure and pain..What set me off.. Planned to pump my tyres up, charge up my lights, heart rate monitor. It's been 12 months plus since I pedalled in anger. I couldn't do it today chickened out. Then helping wife with NBN. Rattled just trying to follow instructions. 2 hour nap... Not the best day and felt useless. I hate that sinking feeling. It scares me and it's come out of the blue.That sickening feeling, realysing in reality the fragile exstance I live in. Guess have been lulling myself into false sense of security in my own little protective bubble, lots of self back slapping and then that feeling of dispair...Deep breaths, ride it out and take a few steps back

cheers Len

[Fairywings]

Hey xx yes ur right these days like to pop thru on us its important as u said we keep pushing forward xx two steps back one step forward proud of u xx Venessa

[Airies]

Thanks Vanessa you are the bees knees!just did some retail Theraphy on Ebay. Didn't break the bank. Hopefully the other better half won't jump up and down. Got the dog next to me for company. Tomorrow is another day, another hurdle...Have a good one 😉

cheers Len xx

[Fairywings]

Ha ha yes love a bit of eBay retail therapy xx i too enjoyed the company of my little mini foxy today tummy pats in the sunshine it was a glorious day in my neck of the woods today Tom even better 25i think xx have respite Tom for my little boy who has autism gonna get some well deserved mumma time haven't had one in about 10yrs time for a massage 😊 one day a time xx Venessa