I have a pet dislike. It was drummed into me by my wonderful dad to consider other people, to "walk a mile in their shoes". I loved him for it but he didn't have to swap TV channels from a John Wayne movie to motor racing so easily. That's family and that's ok.
Allowing some acquaintances however to think they are royalty with excess kindness however isn't healthy. Its a way to over respect someone. It can lead them to think they are superior or rather you are inferior. It might have been ok for dad and son but not with friends or acquaintances. In those circumstances a level playing field should be your aim.
However, a level playing field for those with mental challenges is not so easy. Our issues are so prominent minute by minute, we seem to have difficulties like- 1. talking too much too often about our struggles and 2. some of us can portray the atmosphere that our issues outweigh any issues a person without mental illness could have (which could not be true). These two problems can become their problems with US! I ask the question "is this fair and understandable to "dump" on other people the topics of our mental illness?
I say yes. You might disagree because some people hide their issues well. My decision however comes with a proviso. That equal time is devoted from you the mental illness owner to the other party. and I admit I'm the first to put my hand up to say I not only talk too much about my issues but I rabbit on and the time flies...I have little idea how long I'm torturing the poor listener. It's time to adjust that, in fact reverse it. To act.
I've asked a few friends what length of time is acceptable to most friends about talking of ones illnesses be it physical of mental. 5 minutes said most, 10 minutes ok, 15 minutes no way!!! 20 and you are not a friend but a burden.
I attended a family gathering last week. It was a funeral of a distant relative. I went to the eatery following the event and spoke to relatives I've never met. They were not close enough to mention my issues but later I was with others that I was familiar with. "How's your depression Tony" one asked....off I blabbed without thinking. But after 5 minutes I finished with some self discipline. My audience however went silent.
"How's your leg Bill" I asked (he had a knee replacement weeks ago). "Fine, why do you ask". A full 5 seconds lol.
Consider other people, limit your chat about your issues to keep a friend. What do you think about this?
Tony WK
