Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[quirkywords]

DoolS what an u fair. D upsetting to happen es

pecially at work .

I like that one person took the time to listen.

I like how you were able to explain what r early happened.

i like how you handled yourself and holy you are proud of yourself too. 

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky,

Thanks for your kind words and response. I sent out emails to my team leader and the General Manager to explain the situation from my perspective. I do realise there are different sides to a story depending on how people look at it. 

I followed rules, regulations and procedures. 

I had a walk this morning to help clear my head and to have time to consider what happened, put it in perspective and to find a way to move on and not allow yesterday's issue to take up too much of today.

I really like myself for that!

Hope you are doing okay. Regards to all from Dools

[blondguy]

Hey CMF Moon Geoff Grandy kitty Tony Resilience Dools Trans22 and everyone!

Speaking from the heart is necessary when we are seeking support. There are some senior members that have difficulty doing so while providing support to others.I dont

My partner Vicki passed away six months ago at 52 from a heart attack while she was sitting outside on her cellphone. I didnt know at the time as I was inside. I found her 15 minutes after she passed. CPR  didnt work. 

* Thankyou to the several  MICA Paramedics that arrived within 20 minutes and took over

* Thankyou  to Victoria Police for their due diligence, care and leaving 2 Officers with me for several hours

*Thankyou to the caring staff of the Coroners Court for their care on the night 

*Thankyou to Beyond Blue management for your valued support 

Vicki was 55 kilos active and physically fit. Her arteries were 95% blocked through family genetics. I know that Vicki would want me to mention to all the people (especially females) that it can happen to anyone with a family history of heart/coronary problems.

I have solid counselling skills (and qualified) yet they are useless after we lose a loved one. I still like myself ..I miss the companionship....so much and am stuck

If anyone can provide any support it would be greatly appreciated  (any questions are always welcome too)

my kindest thoughts always

Paul

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paul….🤗,

I am so deeply sorry about the loss of your beautiful Vicki….my most deepest and sincere condolences…

Paul, it’s so hard to find ourselves when our love one passes, because they have been a part of our lives for so long…the souls of loved ones are connected and when one of them pass away it means that we loose a part of our soul….a part of it goes with the one we lost….and that is so hard to heal….My heart feels so sad for you….No words I can say will ease your heartbreak….but just want you to know that I care about you, as many here do….and we are all here for you with our love and care for you…

Their is no time limit on grieving our loved ones, Paul…sometimes through our grief we forget to care for ourselves because our soul and heart are so shattered…I just want to gently remind you dear Paul, to please try to be kind and gentle on you…

Sweet Vicki, will always live on in your heart and soul…beautiful memories of a precious and beautiful person, are hard right now to look back on those memories and good times you shared together, without the tears of your love for her falling…It’s okay to let those tears fall, they are the love you have have for her…and that love will never leave your heart and soul…

Thinking of you Paul, with so much kindness, care and love…

Please talk here when you feel you need to…We are here to help support you as much as we can..as you have been for us..

A gentle and very caring warm hug, dear Paul….(if that’s okay).

Grandy…

[geoff]

My Dear Paul, only people who understand this great loss you are trying to cope with, are able to send consoling thoughts, because they know that you have achieved so much on this site helping other people struggling with depression of any type, but to lose a loving partner, Vicki, is something none of us can say we have been through, unless it has actually to us.

The impact it has had on you, must be horrific, because she was such a beautiful lady, as I've spoken with her myself and know that she cared and loved those who connected with her.

It has been enormous for you when any special dates come around and you have to try and handle these days all by yourself, because no one can appreciate the love you had for each other.

I am so very sorry we haven't been able to talk with one another because of this illness I'm struggling with myself, which has hampered the hours I'm awake.

My leukemia has nothing compared to what you have had to go through and I am so very very sorry for you, and please know that my heart opens up to you in every way possible.

Please take good care of yourself we all love you. x

Geoff.

Life Member.

[mmMekitty]

Dear Paul

It's so very sad for you & your family, her family, too. So sudden, even though you knew of her family's genetic history. At times like this it does feel like a very cruel toss of the dice.

While young I admit, I would not have taken Vicki's warning/lesson to us all seriously. As I have grown older, I comprehend & appreciate her message.

Here for you, too,

I came here today with another thought in mind, about how I am feeling about myself, & in the light of your post, I'm not travellig too badly, you know what I mean?

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[quirkywords]

Paul what sad news,

I wondered how you were, 

I am so sorry about your loss of your loving partner.

i am glad you reached out at this time because as you know others who are going through the loss of a partner will feel less alone after reading your post. 

we are to sit and listen and offer support. 

I have not experienced the loss of a partner but of parents and a dear friend . I know grief is different and will take you by surprise.

There is support here for as you are very much valued and appreciated.

sending kind thoughts during this difficult times.

[CMF]

My dear friend Paul,

We haven't spoken for some time & I often think of you,  wondering how you are. We reconnected this week through the BB Cafe for which I am grateful as it has also led me here, to where I have learnt the sad news of your partner passing.

Dear Paul,  I am so saddened by your loss.  I cannot begin to understand how heartbroken you must be. I do know what a wonderful, supportive friend you have been to so many of us here & in return, we are here to love & support you. We are here to listen, care for you & be here for you to lean on when you need.

We are here when you need, for as long as you need. We are here for you as you have been for us..

Sending hugs & comfort, 

Your friend

Cmf 🙏

[blondguy]

Dear Grandy...A warm hug is greatly appreciated and wonderful and thankyou for your beautiful thoughts. I remember when you joined the forums...You are and have always been an angel on the forums ((Grandy)) 

Dear Geoff...Thankyou for your caring support. Vicki was always a big fan of yours. This is a difficult period as I seem to be a bit lost on here after Vicki passed away. Yet that explains why I havent been on the forums as much as I used to. I hope you have some peace with the leukemia. I really hope you get your appetite back

Hello mmMeKitty....Thankyou for your super caring wishes and speaking from the heart. There was a female heart surgeon on 3AW 2 weeks before Vicki passed. The female heart surgeon kept mentioning that females have different symptoms than males where blocked arteries are concerned. Vicki didnt want to listen to the female specialist.....and thats okay...It was Vicki's decision at the time..Vicki was a senior registered nurse...I wasnt going to 'nag' her at the time! Thankyou so much for your kind words 

Hello Quirky....Thankyou so much for your offer of support and your understanding with the similar pain you have experienced in your own family. 

Country Music Festival....I am glad that we reconnected. it may be for a reason!  It is not only wonderful to see you....I find comfort in your gentle reassuring words and your heart. Ill be back ((CMF))

There are so many kind people on these National Forums....If you are a new or existing member reading this thread you are always welcome to post too. Like all threads on the forums this is not a club or a group of people that get along well together. If this thread didnt have input from new/existing members it wouldnt exist anymore

my kindest always

Paul

[blondguy]

Hey everyone

I wrote this thread topic back in 2016 and it can be hard work to like ourselves when we are down. If anyone has any thoughts on how to be 'gentle to ourselves' please let us know 👍

Even if you dont like yourself it would be great to have your thoughts too! 

I hope everyone is doing reasonably okay.

Paul