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Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

  • Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
  • I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
  • I dont deserve to love myself
  • I am depressed...How can I love myself?
  • I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
  • I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
  • I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

3,997 Replies 3,997

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Grandy after fires I realised I had to rely on myself y so being hard on myself was not helping me cope. 
Thanks for everyone here being honest. 

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi everyone, 

 

Just wanted to pop in and say thankyou for posting about your lives. Knowing how others are dealing can help us all and help us offer better support. 

 

I think the statement, "You can't love others until you love yourself" is pretty exclusive. As opposed to being inclusive. 
When we're born we don't even know about these concepts that insist upon such things. 

 

Anyway sure I like myself just because. 
Although I believe just by doing self-care in front of my kids is terrific modelling for them.
My Counsellor said I had to do it... this took me on a long journey of understanding that concept. 
I was fighting against my upbringing all the while and certainly how previous partners had treated me. 

 

But not my friends. Thank goodness we've maintained our friendships thru really tough stuff over 50 years. 
Treating myself and talking to myself as a GOOD FRIEND would has helped me so much. 

 

Much love and care to all, 
EM

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Geoff and everyone!  New posters/members are always welcome too 

 

Thankyou for understanding RA and sharing your own mums health with her deformities (with the fingers) It can be difficult when people mention they have 'arthritis' yet Rheumatoid Arthritis is an unpredictable nasty disease that the specialists are still struggling with in 2022. My friend still likes herself when the physical pain recedes

 

Hi Quirky.....I cant imagine how difficult it was for you after your loss. Even now you would still be grieving. Thankyou heaps for helping care for members here for such a long period of time too 

 

Hey EM....Its always a bonus to read your posts as you speak from the heart and share your experiences which in turn provides invaluable support to members and especially the bulk of our readers who are the public

You mentioned "Treating myself and talking to myself as a GOOD FRIEND would has helped me so much

This is so important and thankyou EM. It took me a long time to get a handle on this...yet it works well 

 

I hope everyone has a really good week

 

my kindest

 

Paul

 

 

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Paul, thanks for getting back to us.

I'm sure your dear friend is a lovely person and truly hope that eventually a cure will be found for all those that are affected by this crippling disease.

My best.

Geoff.

Life Member.

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Paul,

Everytime I see this topic, I feel confronted. Try as I might, argue against old beliefs which still live in my head, I know my immediate response to "Do you like yourself?" is: No.  No to the extent that while I do need to do more self-care things, I will feel it's not worth the effort, the time, What? Not worth 10 minutes per day of stretching exercises? Not worth getting dressed, & using a half hour per day walking up the road, around the shops a while, & coming home, even though it makes me feel anxious & very physically uncomfortable, but promises, keep it up & in the long run, feel better? Not worth any long-term investment?

I do some things but seem not to be able to accept the notion that I am worth a more concerted effort, so, I also accept when other people seem to give up on me, too. 

Do I do self-care to prove I am worth it, or does the self-worth come before the self-care?

How does how well we demonstrate our view of ourselves effect how other people regard us in return? For example, do you think you'd get a better response from your GP if you can show you've been diligently following their recommendations, when you go back & say it's not working so well? If I admit I have struggled to consistantly do the exercises I was given, how else can I expect the GP to respond, thanto insist I go & try harder (even though the exercises might not be helping anyway)?

I am finding it very difficult to separate how problems in my body & how I psychologically feel about myself, because I physically feel so bad, I am physically most unpleasant in my own experience.

The more recent changes to my body, its shape & feel, the discomfort & occasional pain I still experience, are not helping what was a unlikable, unlovable perception of myself before.

Being able to become physically fit would help a lot. Putting myself through more discomfort to achieve that, is the problem. I don't want to feel worse than I already do.I have a problem with the idea of causing myself pain & discomfort to feel good.

In my view, physical & Psychological pain are very much intertwined. Same for liking myself. If I'm going to like myself, I have to feel physically well, too. I would like to undo that connection - how?

mmMekitty

 

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey our Kitty, that post of yours was AWESOME! I really loved because it was from you ofcourse lol but also because you've written about so many things that are frustrating to you and many of us while we pick things apart. 

 

SNAP I also feel confronted by this Topic BUT probably bec it makes me think about it. Then, as you and others, I know I'm sensing vulnerability in my self, which is uncomfortable ofcourse. 
But I've learnt that sensing I'm vulnerable and JUMPING in to it anyway is showing our COURAGE. 

 

To address a couple of things from my POV only, hugs! 
* self care needs nothing beforehand but the willingness to DO it, 
* does self care improve our feelings of self worth? IDK. Hasn't for me. It's about the same level. 
* These 2 don't need to be intertwined but probably could be for some. 
* I don't really care how "others" perceive, esp strangers! I have zero control over that, so yeah, tough lol. 
* I ONLY care about how my Boss perceives my work because she pays me lol and...
* I DO care how my relationships are going. We've been working on this, all of us. 
* levels of constant physical pain in myself, indicate to me I NEED to do something differently, to reduce this. More on this later if you want... I have tons of physical injuries. 

 

I only care about how the people, who love me and have my back, feel. I only care about what THEY have to say about me. The people who love me WITH all my faults and whatever, the ones who are willing to pull me up kindly, as I do them. 
The others can go jump lol. 

 

Love EM

Hey Kitty and everyone

 

I also become confronted when I read this topic as it can be a difficult concept when we have our own physical/mental issues that get in the way

There are many people with physical and mental pain that understandably dont like themselves...I think  management of this situation always goes back to how frequently we see our doc to provide ourselves with a solid foundation on which we can heal more effectively 

 

Depending on our symptoms....monthly appointments with our GP are helpful....fortnightly is very helpful and weekly is excellent for people whose symptoms have a detrimental impact on their day to day well being

 

Thankyou Kitty for the excellent question

 

my kindest

 

Paul   

Hey everyone new posters are always welcome too 😀

 

Hi EM....Thankyou for sharing your life experience and TLC with all members...Nice1

I am also confronted by my own topic EM...as you mentioned in your post

 

This thread topic was written in 2016 and it used to be called 'Do You Love Yourself Your thoughts are Welcome

 

That was hard work (confronting) until a proactive moderator helped me edit the thread topic to "Do You Like Yourself''

 

you rock EM

 

Paul

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

HI FIVE Paul lol! 

 

It's SO BRAVE of you to begin a thread that's so confronting to you. Bring it in brother lol. 

 

In the same vein, aren't we ALL brave joining the forums to begin with? 

YES, resoundingly so. 

 

Putting our lives OUT THERE for others to comment can be extremely confronting. Even though we're "anonymous", it's a very intimate and personal thing to do IMO. 

 

The act of joining the forums is a sign of wanting to help ourselves, wanting to LIKE ourselves perhaps? 
One huge piece of the path in our journey towards Mental HEALTH is learning how to care for ourselves, learning to like or even LOVE ourselves. 

There are other needs for joining of course but this thread brings this concept to the fore and for you and I and others who've shared, it's a journey, not a fait accompli

 

Thankyou for allowing us to share this part of our journey Paul. 
Love EM

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey Paul, I'm in total agreement with EM. Just look at the stats for this Discussion, & I have noticed the question is a perpetual question, so it is of no surprise this Discussion has been so popular, has been one revisited by members time & time again. It's a question for which there is not a once-&-for-all-time answer. For people not comfortable with even considering themselves & their opinions about themselves, it is confronting. Whether or not someone brings it to our attention or not, there are times when we will notice & feel how we feel about ourselves.

A word, an action, a decision - our own or others, I think, many times a day, informing us about how we feel about ourselves.

I've have so much to think about. My liking myself & my self-worth & how much I value myself ar so intertwine, & interdependant on how people treat me. In my mind I'm sure I exagerate the negative, & don't recognise the positive nearly as much as is truly the case. It's like if someone says or does something nice, I think it's not real/true. Then if someone is mean, I simply accept without challenging it at all. So unbalanced perceptions leave me feeling horrible about myself & disliking dang near everything about me.

...

Warmly,

mmMekitty