Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[blondguy]

Hey Hey CMF.....and new posters....everyone is always welcome! 

You have been on the forums for a long time and thankyou for always speaking from the heart. Your post is wonderful to read. I am usually in counselor mode so muchas gratias for the latitude CMF 👍 ❤️ Nice 1

Its been 9 months now and I am getting better. It was difficult in September last year when I found Vicki in the garage just after she passed. She was only young CMF...All I do know is that she passed very quickly. What astounds me is some people (not on Beyond Blue) that mentioned ''its awful Paul...Vicki had the vaccine didnt she'"? 

I have been trying so hard to explain to some of Vicki's relatives and friends that the Covid vaccine doesnt cause/result in our arteries being 98% blocked like Vicki's were. (resulting in congestive heart failure)

The coroner mentioned that even smoking wouldnt block arteries as severely. CMF....I never thought I would be dealing with some of Vicki's relatives/friends (anti vaxxers) so long after she passed

I have always respected anti-vaxxers point of view CMF.  Unfortunately, I have had to deal with a small amount of folk (bogans) that have blamed the Covid-19 vaccine for Vicki's passing. These 'people' are still blaming the Covid vaccine for her passing to this day....as I write this post. It breaks my heart

Thankyou for your care & counsel during this difficult period of time ((CMF)) Tomorrow is a new day 

Paul x

[CMF]

Dear Paul,

The last thing you need is people making those comments. Can you turn away or not see them/answer calls? Ask them to respect your need for peace? It would be nice if they could respect your feelings & be more compassionate rather than look for blame. I also respect anti vaxers point of view, but to push their thoughts onto you is unfair. Unfortunately the vax always comes into play when health issues arise. 

Wow, 9 months already. Do you have supportive family & friends? I hear you are getting better & hope each day is getting a bit easier.

Remember Paul, self care is most important now. You are so gentle & kind to us, now you must be to yourself.

Gentle hugs

Cmf

[blondguy]

Hey CMF and everyone! This thread topic is not a club...New and existing members are always welcome!

Thankyou soooo much for the special hugs....they mean a lot to me 🙂

My mum is 92 and still living at her home being looked after by my sister and a couple of volunteer carers. My sister is somewhat overly religious and keeps telling me that my long term sporadic anxiety is due to me not accepting Jesus. I know...its sad...and then some! Friends..not really unfortunately with the generalised anxiety over a protracted period of time...

Your care and quality counsel is wonderful and respected CMF

Paul x

Family support is limited CMF yet you mentioned ' self care is most important now''.....You are and always have spoken from the heart since you started on the forums years ago

[CMF]

Hi Paul, 

I also have a very small network. I don't have a large group of friends, but lots of acquaintances. My siblings are alot older  than me & I don't see them much. I like my space & time to myself but so I feel alone at times, especially when anxious. 

On the topic of liking myself, I generally do bur when I'm having a tough week I don't.  This week has been tough. Started with anxiety,  few issues at work. I'm exhausted & don't like how I've reacted to some things. It's frustration & tiredness bur I'd like to learn to control these feelings/emotions.

Thanks for your kind words Paul. You have been a great friend over the years & a king, gentle soul. 

Cmf

[Trans22]

I had a friend when I was in primary school.  My experiences throughout high school and beyond taught me to trust and befriend no-one.  This changed when I met my BFF in 2012.  I started liking/loving (most of) myself in late-2021, something that I still find almost unbelievable.  I still have trouble trusting others enough to consider them a friend, but there are probably a lot of people who consider me to be their friend.
It's likely that there are probably more than a billion people on this planet that seem to be supporting eradication (genocide?) actions against people like myself.  It would be somewhat ironic if, after coming out of 40 years of almost daily thoughts of ending my life and/or dreaming of death, I were to die as a victim of a hate crime.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Trans22

Do those people know anything about you, other than your outward appearance, (maybe not even that)? As i have said to someone else, try to give your time & energy to people you admire & whose opinions you respect.

I think there are billions of people around the world who either are not interested so much in the lives of others to hold views one way or another, & a billion or so who care enough about their own lives, & the lives of people who are experiencing such hate as you are, who are willing to speak up & be seen working towards the right to be treated as any other human being with the same basic humans rights as everyone else. You are not alone.

Facing discrimination everyday takes a lot of courage. To not feel emotionally & psychologically injured by such discrimination would be unrealistic to believe. I do believe, you can learn how to care & be  your own best supporter & friend, caring for yourself, independently of what anyone else thinks of you. But, yes, need a boost, listen to people you look up to & respect.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paul

I'm sorry you are still hearing such ill-informed comments from some people around you. Since it's hurtful to you, maybe it is time to say to them that you don't wish to talk about it with them.

The loss & grief this is, as you know already, doesn't 'get better'. You have lost your wife. Your deep grief is real & may be with you for a long time. Maybe for the rest of your life you will feel this loss, maybe like an emptiness, maybe missing her daily, weekly, monthly, at unexpected times, who knows? Everyone grieves in their own way. As you know, if you need, you have BB members to talk to, anytime.

I would suggest, talking to people who will listen to you, rather than to those who would tell you what they think so much....  I'll try, but I couldn't stop giving a little advice this time.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[white knight]

Hi trans22,

Before I respond to this post, I have answerd a post of yours on "gender fluid person" if you care to find it on search.

Firstly thankyou again Blondeguy for keeping this thread going on of the longest thread in our forum history.

Trans22, I think we can do ourselves a lot of harm by flooding ourselves with trauma that may not come knocking on our door. Re: " I were to die as a victim of a hate crime."  If the possibility of dying from a hate crime is remote especially if you know the dangers and minimise them, then we are living in fear and that isnt self serving.

It is similar to a stage in my life when I disliked people that werent empathetic towards someone with depression yet would swarm over a man in a wheelchair with a broken leg. I had to come to terms that if the majority of humans didnty have empathy for depressed people then perhaps not having empathy is actual "normal". After all communicating with a depressed person its not as if depressed is visible.

Any minority has their threats. Religious minorities is an example. LGBTIQ persons is still in the minority yet far more accepted than the homophobic periods of the past. The energy expelled by "worry" over possible threats can be wasted thoughts and perceived fears that might never happen. We all need to take precautions to avoid danger and the danger with being a LGBTIQ is certainly real but far less so now especially when those precautions are taken.

You have a lot of catching up to do with your life now that you have made that big decision months ago. Enjoy, you are free and you are so admired.

TonyWK

[Trans22]

Hi TonyWK.  I live in a town with a queer-phobic reputation - both my psychologists and two gay men I know warned me about the dangers of transitioning where I live.  It's easy for me to stay away from establishments that serve alcohol (danger zones in my view) - my favourite drink, by far, is milk.   I'm not sure I ever knew how (or even tried) to be "a man".  Being a woman was/is natural for me, so I skipped the whole "baby trans" phase that most people go through.  I have always been more androgynous than masculine (body and voice) - it used to be a curse but it's now a privilege.  I suspect that most people saw/see me as a woman from day 1 of mysocial transition.  Even mature trans people have shocked to hear how early in my transition I was/am.

[blondguy]

Thankyou mmMeKitty for your heartfelt post with my soul mate Vicki passing.

Clarification....I have no problem with anti-vaxxers as its their own choice.

As you know sometimes you cant do much to prevent idiocy Kitty

* Vicki's arteries were 95% blocked at a young age...plaque build up due to hereditary factors

* Fact: Arteries dont become congested just after having the Covid Vaccine. Its not possible.

* The anti-vaxxers are only a few of Vicki's friends/family Kitty. Just bogans. Its not their fault.

Thankyou Kitty for saying Vicki was my 'Wife''...That was nice. I have never been married...yet!

Really appreciate your support Kitty

my kindest

Paul