Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[HamSolo01]

Good evening fellow forum dwellers and citizens of the universe.

This topic is always coming up for me these days and I have begun to learn that the very essence of "liking" oneself is to be found in the perception we have ourselves. For too long I have been harsh on myself and I have built narratives of survival and endurance and pushing myself in order to fulfil some pretty strange views and notions of what it is to be a good person.

Only by unwinding these rather complex yarns of thought have I begun to TRULY heal.

I believe in the end we must be good to ourselves. Goodness is not weakness and nor is it harshness for there on sake.

It reminds of me of a lyric to the song "to build a home" by Cinematic Orchestra - "Out in the garden where we planted the seeds, There is a tree as old as me, Branches were sewn by the color of green, Ground had arose and passed its knees"

Somehow this lyric captures what I want to view myself as. I can't quite describe it. I think it is the line "out in the garden where we planted the seeds, there is a tree as old as me". In other words, I am the tree in the garden along with everyone else in the crazy world.

Do I like myself? Well I don't hate myself. But I am improving on liking me - no conditions attached

[blondguy]

Hey Jafar

Its always good to read your posts and thanks for being a part of the forum family too! I wrote this thread topic ages ago as I didnt like myself when I joined the forums...I was a mess. You are stronger than I was when I joined the forums back in 2016

You speak from the heart Jafar...... that takes a lot of courage....I really hope you can stick around ....There is no such thing as a dumb/stupid question on the forums...If you want ask anything there are many gentle people (with their own mental health issues) that can be here for you...no worries at all

Hey Grandy....Thankyou for mentioning to Jafar "you have come a long way since your days of long ago" You are spot on Grandy...Jafar is trying his hardest and making a difference on the forums 🙂

Hey HamSolo01....Its always great to see your posts and thankyou for taking the time to support others on here and across the forums for such a long time too!

HamSolo01 mentioned " I have begun to learn that the very essence of "liking" oneself is to be found in the perception we have ourselves" My self perception has been woeful especially when I wrote this thread topic..I am and always will be on a learning curve..Really appreciate your sense of clarity HS

I hope everyone is doing well

Paul

[geoff]

Hello Jafar, you have been able to turn yourself around completely, and that's not easy to do, but something inside of you has sparked this reaction, whatever it as is a credit to you.

The past may continually come back to haunt you, but with all your endeavour you keep pushing it aside, and that's the strength you have now learnt and more importantly realised that you wanted to change.

Well done my friend.

Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hi Geoff

Thankyou for providing your kind support to Jafar here and on other threads too!

When time permits you are always welcome to share your own experiences/thoughts where liking yourself is concerned

my kind thoughts

Paul

[ScarlettR]

I don't mind myself as a person. I certainly value myself to be worthy of existence and living a great life. I am not 100% happy with my personality sometimes (my diagnosed mental illness might have something to do with it). I can get easily awkward in social situations, and don't always feel comfortable in my own body.

All things said, it's not the little issues that define us as souls, but rather our interests, our passions and what we love.

[geoff]

Hello ScarlettR and everyone else, the little issues that define us as souls, may develop our interests, passions and what we love, perhaps they are all combined together, but can still make us feel uncomfortable in certain situations.

We hope your worthiness becomes a more dominant feature in your life, there are always occasions when are frightened of going to a social vent.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[quirkywords]

Scarlett

your post has given me much food for thought.

we can focus on our flaws and not our passions and skills.

[Guest_1584]

l've known my whole life these things l've watched it and felt it in everything we do the way we live taught to live, the way we're raised, and now it has a term - The Human Condition. The Australian world leading Biologist Jeremy Griffith has a free book on the human condition and if you go to the Human Condition.com you can watch an hr long interview talking about it. Just do yourself a favor and when your in the mood and relaxed with plenty of time, go and watch it. lt may even already be in forum links and help l'm not sure l'd be amazed if it wasn't because l doubt 3/4 of us wouldn't even be here if not the human condition but more so in these times than ever in history.

He even talks about politicians and the way they talk, run things, souless,their nannyism of us, particularly LIB which l've also always noticed and sadly been so disappointed that Australians in general don't though. But it's not their fault, jobs jobs jobs and GDP's all part of the human condition and why our pollies especially in Australia and LIB, are just sooooo wrong for the people.No l'm not trying to talk anyone into voting this or that, this isn't about politics that's just a huge part in all this.

He quotes and talks about things l've watched and seen and known my whole life. He quotes another writers observation at one point- can't remember their name but describing 2 people feeling a tree and it's leaves , which l've done 1000s of times since l was kid. He said he felt their love for nature and that they and the tree were so at one. Our so loss and out of touch which nature and the earth,ourselves our souls, are all huge parts of it. And in this day and crazy computerized world we're forced live and cope with, we're more out of touch now, with nature, love, the nurturing humans are meant to have and live and be raised with and feel for ea other,than ever in history. And it's things like this that is where Pollies come into it bc the world they create for us and the way they talk and their priorities - literally create and train us into the human condition. Everything now does more than ever.

l think we'd all love ourselves a lot more in iife and in this world, if it wasn't what it is and if we hadn't just so totally lost, everything and the ways human beings were originally.

lt's very hard to get into too much here in just one post, but go watch that vid and grab the free book, that'll all do a much better job than l ever could.

All the best . rx

[ChildHeart]

To be frank? No. But then again, not many people do and I think I'm coming to terms with that.

This is going to sound nonsensical, but I am actually a very spiritual person (though not religious) and I read tarot and so on and I can go on and on to others about the spiritual benefits of self-love and all that but I honestly don't think I have any for myself.

I am nice? I can say that.. but then again that has always gotten me subjected to bullying and all other things as I'm "too nice" as they often say.

I have been told to my face by many people that they simply don't like me and I've had trouble making friends and when I finally did some years ago that has all been messed up with me being a carer for my parents and then dealing with their grief (I became distant during that time) and now either nobody wants to talk to me or they don't know what to say.

I have made a ton of mistakes in my life and have disappointed people and I feel like a failure so nope can't say that I do like or really love myself I'm just.. well, me.

[Guest_1584]

Hi child@h

l am myself but no , same , not so much religiously but very much so in nature and the general workings of it, the planet, the purpose of all things and the way they work to compliment and aid ea other. Such a shame now, it's all so lost.

The nice you talk about is another part of it all and this human condition built into us , survival and the competition in life and struggles to cope,. Part of what he's saying is that we are , or were once, all that nice, but it's literally bred and raised and then later forced out of us from life, also such a shame. l've also had to freeze myself up quite a bit to over the years. l've even been called hard a few times and l know l'd been acting it at the time to, but it's so not me.

Sadly all just part of it though isn't it. Sometimes we need to be that way or life and people just run straight over you. But nah , l don't like having to be like that either, or myself at all, where l am.

rx