Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[blondguy]

Hi Corny...you have great insight into self hate....and you make it so clear...."It shrinks your world.
It gives you a sense that you are in control, It stops thoughts about the future" Even to our detriment it is a woeful place to be in in.

Hi Geoff...Angelina Jolie in a press interview said that she was tired of her hubby 'Brad Pitt' checking for any new wrinkles and facial lines...that speaks volumes if thats all we had to be concerned about! If memory serves......Tony WK said that he is the same as me.....that its difficult to love oneself when we dont like our own thoughts to begin with.....

I like myself and take time out for my well being but if I was anxiety/depression free then I could really touch on loving myself for who I am and what I have achieved in my life. Right now I cant see that far ahead..unfortunately

Thankyou Corny & Geoff, Paul x

[CMF]

Hmmmmm, good question.

Do i love myself? Not sure

Do I care for myself? Not when I feel anxious or depressed.

Do I like who I am? Not really and it's not because I don't love myself, it's because I have been made to feel worthless, useless, not good enough for anyone or good enough at anything. I don't like who I have become because of circumstances.

so do I love myself? Probably not because I've been convinced I'm not worthy.

cmf x

[blondguy]

Great Post cmf

Thanks for being here. What you have said similar to myself. I have a sense of low self worth and dont really appreciate my depression and the thoughts that come with it.

Therefore I too dont love myself as per what my illness represents. I will keep trying to like myself though..

Nice1 cmf, Paul x

[MsPurple]

What a good post. I would like to say everyone has posted something so personal and so great. I needed to post my support to you all, plus add a small post on myself.

I find it way easier to say 'I hate myself' then I love myself. Although stressed and trying to find my place in this new city and state I probably feel more motivated and 'kinda happy'. I feel like I am finally moving foward and not back. I have moved out and I have gotten a job in a hospital (may not be the dream job but it is still good). I feel like if I were to look in the mirror and say 'I love you' to it would be now but I am not sure I can. There are still parts of me and my past I don't like. I guess although I feel like I am ok it's still not enough for me to say I love you to myself. But i can say 'I like you'. And although it is not perfect to say like instead of love it is still a step in the right direction.

[CMF]

Thanks Paul,

You're worth a lot to so many people here. Never forget that.

cmf x

[blondguy]

MsPurple, It takes a lot of guts to move to a new city and start over...thats a HUGE step..and Kudos to you! I think you are spot on with liking yourself is the way to go.....a lot less pressure on ourselves too 🙂 Nice1 MsPurple

cmf, what a wonderful thing to say...Your encouragement means a lot to me....thankyou

Paulx

[white knight]

Hi Paul,

This post must be one of your most successful. It strikes a nerve for others and not only have you achieved so many responses but think about the hundreds of others that have read it and influenced them but they didn't reply.?

IMO one of the greatest feelings in helping others is to know you have helped others but not need to know who. Being humble has an inner satisfaction that we are here on this earth to do it as part of our own humanity...not for accolades.

I'm not religious but I did read the bible twice. The only piece I recall is Luke 10-32 (The good Samaritan) It stuck with me since then, 23 years now.

Well done Paul. Respect.

Tony WK

[Starwolf]

Today is a day of butting into seldom visited threads...

I'd like to remind everyone here that anyone who is/has been living with the challenge of mental illness is deserving of admiration and respect. Living 24/7 with the odds stacked against you requires courage and resilience. Those who have been dealt an easy hand have it easy in comparison. So please, keep in mind that -unlike many others- you are dealing with difficulty on a daily basis. The fact that you're all here at BB shows how hard you are working at rising above those challenging circumstances, the depths of which others can't begin to fathom. If that doesn't make you lovable, I don't know what does.

MsPurple,​ if looking at yourself in the mirror and saying "I love you" is too daunting, why not start small and say something like "I quite like you" instead...Just making the effort to do so deserves your self-appreciation ! At least.

Love you all...you are the salt of the earth !

[Just Sara]

Hey Paul;

I'd like to quote something you wrote on the first post of this thread;

'I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 '

You're so right! You've reminded me of this many times, and for good reason...it works.

For me, the other issue apart from, or related to love, is trust. I find it hard to trust myself. My decisions are based on so many variables; each one a toxic or seemingly beneficial memory used to survive and get through the day. So becoming authentic can be an uphill grind going from fear to calm and back again.

I don't know when I'll feel panic or treat a situation with reasonable rationale. It scares me...so thinking about letting someone into my world, or me being in theirs, will fire up the imagination to levels of distress.

Trust, love and respect...they're all from the same category. When I have anxiety, there's no room for these, it's survival mode; decisions are impossible to make at these times. It doesn't matter how much I love myself or someone else, becoming well again is the priority.

Being gentle and forgiving with myself and others, is imperative. You've hit the nail on the head Paul. And frankly, I think being gentle is akin to love.

Warm thoughts...Dizzy xo

[blondguy]

Hi Tony, your post speaks volumes of wisdom and since approx 60% of the hits that Beyond Blue have are 'read only' I hope you don't me quoting a piece of your post just incase anyone missed it;

Tony WK commented re this topic "It strikes a nerve for others and not only have you achieved so many
responses but think about the hundreds of others that have read it and influenced them but they didn't reply.?"

I forgot about the bigger picture re the 'real' BB audience....the huge amount of people that choose to read and not to post.....which is the real reason we are here....to help people help themselves.....

Luke 10-32...when i read your reference to the Bible only then I remembered. Its been a long time since I read it

Thankyou Tony for your experience, wisdom and guidance on the forums

My Best

Paul