Do I go back on antidepressants or is this just life

Soy_asi · ‎01-09-2018

hello, i am feeling like my life is in a roller coaster at the moment and cant stop. I am not sleeping properly as I wake myself during the night or early morning and My brain goes on overdrive and can not go back to sleep. Then Im tired the next day and unhappy. There has been a number of things of late that is brought me here today. I am getting anxious, depressed and feel hopeless at times and emotional. I have felt like this once before when i found out I was pregnant with my third child. That just pushed me too far and I was diagnosed with pre natal depression and was prescribed antidepressants. These I took for 8 years. 8 long years when I felt I no longer needed them as I was a busy mum of 3 and the ugly feelings were no longer there. Against medical advice I attempted to wean myself off a few times during those 8 years until finally being successful about 16 months ago. I must say I did not look back and did not feel the need to get back on them. This has all been fine until 2-3 months ago and I dont really understand why. For some reason it has suddenly dawned on me that my children are turning into teengaers and I am just a stay home mum, overweight and unhappy. It all started when I began declattering all my children’s clothes and toys and this put me in such a state that I had to stop as I couldnt deal with the emotions. I found myself feeling really sad that they were no longer babies. This also led to me thinking that I now have all this spare time and whilst Ive managed to keep myself busy volunteering at school and running my kids to and fro. I don’t really have a job and That I should really be working like everyone else. To top all this off, in my good intentions of keeping myself occupied and distracted we have gone and sold our home. Whilst it should be an exciting time of planning and give me a new goal in my life. It has actually done the opposite. I am scared, anxious and panicky about what we have done. It really is stressing me out and i have a lump in my heart. I don’t know what is the answer. I cant shake myself off and get on with it. Do I just battle through this. Do I need to go back on medication. Is that the answer that will make all my problems go away? I really don’t know. I just wish my life was like a year ago contented and settled. 😔

geoff · ‎02-09-2018

Hello Soy_asi, and a warm welcome.

Your life has been a busy one, the problem is that people stop taking their medication because they are feeling much better, the reason why this happens is they believe they will be OK without any medication but after a while all the problems plus new ones as well re-appear.

That's when they begin to fall back into a hole and need to start taking the med's once again.

If you are feeling much better taking the medication doesn't mean you should stop.

8 years to you may seem a long time but some of us have been taking them for over 20 years, just like I have, and will probably be taking them forever.

No one needs to know, so as your life has progressed quite a bit, and it will still change buying a new home and your children get older, there maybe some stressful times ahead for, so I would suggest going back to your doctor and asking them.

Let me know how you go.

Geoff.

Soy_asi · ‎03-09-2018

Thankyou. This helps. I awalys thought my depression was brought on by baby number 3. So once he was born and life clicked in place. I did indeed feel better and eventually like you say I felt I no longer needed the medication as My anxiety and depression was gone. This is why Im confused why I am feeling the way I am feeling now. Ive never had any issues with my mental health prior to my preganancy so im trying to understand what is happening to me. I do really hate the thought of having to take medication again. I hated being on it before and I hate the idea of going back on it. But I will make an appointment with my GP as im not sleeping well at the moment and it is just not helping my state of mind. Thankyou again for commenting on my post

geoff · ‎04-09-2018

Hi Soy_asi, thanks heaps for your reply and I'd be interested to see happens when you see your doctor.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

White_Rose · ‎04-09-2018

Dear Soy_asi

Hello and welcome to the forum. I can most certainly relate to your life having had four children fairly close together which meant they left home reasonably close together. At first I enjoyed having the house to myself so to speak but I needed to be involved in other activities. I returned to the workforce when my youngest child went to school and like you I felt my only use was in running the children to their various activities.

It is sad that mom gets this job without recognition (generally) because it is such a huge part of her life and the children. It's not until those children have their own families I think, that they realise just how much mom did for them.

It can lead to someone being depressed and I think I had post natal depression for a while after the birth of my last child. No one noticed or commented so maybe it was not clinical depression but I remember the symptoms were similar to depression.

It may be your depression has returned and I think you are wise to have a chat with your doctor. Whether or not you take antidepressants again is up to the doctor to prescribe if he/she thinks it is warranted, and up to you if you believe it will help. I know I flatly refused to take meds because I think I was ashamed of myself for doing so. This is a belief that taking AD is shameful, means you are weak, just need to get yourself together and whole list of reasons that are not valid. I'm sure you can add to the list.

Once I had been prescribed an AD that worked on me and had no horrendous side effects I was glad I took them. My life has been so much better since then. If anyone asks if I take an AD I will say yes, though people don't in general. I'm not ashamed of it because I know I function so much better with them, just as those with heart medication function better. If you can hold on to that thought, or use it to brush away the other feelings I think you will be able to see yourself more clearly. Lets face it, this is what we want in life, to know who we are, what we want and have the drive to get there.

I do hope this helpful to you Soy_asi.

Mary

Soy_asi · ‎04-09-2018

Thankyou. Yes very helpful. I went to my GP today and as I was dreading I burst into tears and found it hard to talk but got through it somehow and GP was great (I must add I did ot see my normal GP as whilst she is a good dr she can be very matter of fact and black and white which was putting me off to speak to her about what im going through) GP suggested that I maybe peri-menapausal which would account for my sudden mood change. Sowhilst im getting checked out for that and anything else she has prescribed me my old antidepressants starting me off on a low dose and will monitor me to see how I go. So thankyou for the push to make me go as I soon as I spoke to her it all made sense. I feel a little bit relieved now. So thankyou Geoff and Thankyou Mary. Im glad i found this forum and posted as there is no one at home I can talk to about this. Its too much to confide in my parents or husband or friends either.

White_Rose · ‎06-09-2018

I am so very happy for you that you have had a chat with your doctor and have plans for checking the various aspects of your health. Just starting that sort of process is enough to lift your mood as I can see from your post. Would you like to keep us informed about your progress? I look forward to hearing about your success.

Mary

Soy_asi · ‎11-09-2018

Its been a week now since ive been to drs. Im back on my tablets and have tried the sleeping tablets dr gave me which have partly worked but im still waking up waay too early for my liking and just feel tired all day. I am thus battling this lack of energy. I am just useless on days I am home. I usually spend all day in bed trying to keep warm and watching tv. There is so much that I could be doing and i know what needs to be done and yet I can not make myself get up and get on with it. I usually arise an hour before kids come home from school and get organised. I read somewhere that mums are always on this fight/flight response mechanism and eventually they get burnt out by it. I feel this is the case with me.

The meds have taken awhile to work aswell. After a week of taking them, last night was the first time I noticed how my behaviour was different when reacting to events at home. Im starting to feel a little bit calmer but I still have this dread surrounding my heart. Like a mini panick attack. Its a horrid feeling and hate it specially when Im driving.

Im supposed to be having a blood test to check on my hormones and my health but I can’t have it done for another week or so as it has to be done after my cycle has ended. Im keen to see what the results will be so I can have more answers but this wont be for another 2-3 weeks probably which is somewhat frustrating but nothing i can do. I just wish I knew how to deal with my lack of energy now. How do I battle through that. I look at people around me and see how they just go about their days and get on with it and I cant. How do they do it and why Im not like that.

White_Rose · ‎12-09-2018

Thank you keeping us up to date. I have just written what I hoped was a reassuring reply only to have it swallowed up in the system. Although this does not happen often it is frustrating when it does and of course I cannot remember exactly what I wrote.

Please remember that AD often take up to six weeks for the full effect to kick in. You will start to notice small increments in your mood, which has already happened, until you notice a huge improvement. Patience is the word, not one of my qualities unfortunately.

It is a huge change when the children grow and become more independent. At first it can seem they are leaving you behind in the role of home maker but after a while they relationship changes to that of adult talking to adult and sharing their lives in a different way. Cultivating this aspect will help you to be close to your children with less need to oversee all parts of their lives. I found it rather nice and it has continued with my grandchildren. The younger ones need the 'mom' figure while the older ones are happy to talk to me about what's happening in their lives.

Your tiredness will also lift with your mood. It won't happen in one huge change but will be a gradual difference. The day you get out of bed and dressed in the morning without thinking about staying in bed will a great relief. From then on you can expect to be more comfortable with yourself. There may be down days at times but you will always bounce back.

It's hard waiting to go for a blood test but the time will come. If positive you can be sure it also has a huge bearing on your life and contributes to your tiredness and depression.

I hope all goes well and look forward to hearing from you soon.

Mary

Corindi · ‎05-03-2021

Hi Geoff, I'm new to this forum. After reading your reply I burst into tears (in a good way). I went off antidepressants 6 years ago after being on them for 20 years, thinking I did not need them anymore. I was fine for a while then slowly the anxiety started creeping in until now it's off the charts. Part of me is afraid to go back on them as I have read some relatively new research on how antidepressants can shorten your life significantly and may also cause irreversible brain damage, it'll feels so scary it's immobilising me. Reading your reply to soy_as and Just sharing this with you has helped me for this moment.