Discussion: Taking it one day at a time.

[lookingforme]

I am certain that everyone has been given or given this advice themselves. I myself, find that sometimes I have to take things minute by minute. But, waking up this morning, I asked myself what the implications are of this particular mentality/concept?

I am a dreamer, a thinker (some say over-thinker), a researcher and a risk-taker. These characteristics present in such a way that I dream big first, I plan pathways to get there (owing for contingencies), and if it involves immersing myself in a world I do not know, I will do it, and when I'm there, I'll adapt, I'll analyze myself and my plans and I will expect to succeed. Failure is okay also, it's life lesson, so I'm okay as long as I have tried to do what I wanted to do. This, is all in an ideal world. In actuality, I do all of this around and through my depression and anxiety. And if I do succeed, it felt like such a struggle to get there that I am relieved that I'm on the other side rather than enjoying my accomplishments. And if I fail...well...

So, having been given this advice, and trying to implement it, I wonder if dreaming big and taking risks is pragmatic, because at the face of it, it seems to close me off. Hope for a day. Repeat the next. If you have a bad day, tomorrow might be better, brush it off. But, if you do dream big, one day of self indulgence of inactivity, which we all know can amount to 7 days or 10 days etc...counts against what I'm working for. 10 days of the lack of hope is enough to dissuade anyone of the feasibility of such dreams. Or, on the other side, what if I have a string of good days and still take it one day at a time? And I cannot enjoy it because I'm only focusing on the next day, and will only realize what has happened after the fact and possibly when I compare it to the bad days that have come up again.

Please note, I haven't given up on my dreams but it seems like on one hand it isn't enough to get me out of a depressive state, there just isn't enough hope here or faith in myself and capabilities, and on the other hand this method is counterproductive to planning because days can go by as fast as blinking. Also, I'm all for dreams, I don't think anyone should give up on theirs, that's not what I'm trying to say.

Is my thinking wrong? Did I explain myself well?

Joelle

[white knight]

Hi Joelle (love your name)

You explained yourself very well. Your analyzing is of course over analyzing of course but you know that.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that most of us are simply at the extremes of common behaviour. So our own minds are like everyone else's but in extremes.

Eg you over analyse but some people don't explain themselves at all...no words at all. Do they have a mental illness? Possibly but often they are labelled just "quiet types".

A few threads I started might help (Google)

Topic: so what are their mental illnesses?- beyondblue

Topic:depression, a ship on the high seas- beyond blue

It is in many cases a matter of getting our issues into perspective.

Easier said than done

Tony WK

[lookingforme]

Hi Tony,

Thanks for the reply. I find my name is quite nice to write (hand write).

I will look those threads up, thanks.

I find I have days for both extremes, analyzing and explaining myself, and silence.

Perspective is a great thing, I just am having a difficult time putting this one into perspective, ie what would be better for me.

[white knight]

Being a deep thinker, dreamer, inventor etc, I find the best thing for me is diversion.

Fill your life with various activities, variety, things that stimulate.

Remember Joelle, without radical thinkers in the world Cook wouldn't have found Oz, Columbus not America and man would not have found ways to fly.

Without ultra alert ADHD people we would be less alert.

Google "famous people with bipolar or depression" and you'll get a good perspective...one that means you are indeed special, not abnormal.

"Topic: Depression, are there any positives?- beyondblue. Is another thread about this.

Tony WK

[lookingforme]

Hey Tony,

Yea, I got a new job and I've got my studies and add in some exercise/creative hobbies and ideally, brain = occupied. Thanks

[Kazzl]

Hiya Joelle, good topic! I believe in the one day at a time focus for overcoming addiction (booze for me), when you really must focus on the here and now to stop yourself relapsing.

As a general approach to life, I'm not so sure. But then I'm a dreamer and a planner and plotter too, someone who can't stay still and in the present very long.

I also have problems with the whole mindfulness thing. I know it works for many people and I don't doubt its use as a helpful process for mental wellbeing. But my mind moves too fast to stay in the moment, and y'know, I like dreaming. I like planning. I like aiming high - I even get there sometimes. I don't want to be present, here and now, one day at a time, every day, living in reality.

Does that cause me problems? Hell yeah. I won't even start to list them. But I still don't really want to slow things down.

I don't think I've said anything useful, guess I just wanted to say 'me too!'

Kaz

[Gruffudd]

I think I prefer to empty and still my mind then to focus on any one thing. Doing that and keeping stress away and helps with memory a little.

I am definitely a dreamer and am never happier then when day dreaming or letting my mind wander.

I do understand the issue of helplessness, if it invades the dreams it is scary.

I find that things do get better and that letting the thoughts be whatever they are is helpful.

Rob.

[lookingforme]

Hey Kaz and Rob, thanks for posting.

Yea, I think there is this balance that has to come into it, but...I can't figure it out. I think I take too much notice of the amount of days going by. Everything feels like it has slowed down. So, a day at a time feels like getting through that day is taking a year, and the thought of the next, I feel the time. But, also, with my "addiction" I can't look ahead too far. It would put too much pressure on myself which has always been part of the problem anyway. And then, looking to the future, setting goals, working on those goals, these are all things that everybody I talk to tells me to focus on. The future, the future, the future. It'll get better. I feel that depression makes it slow. Makes the future intangible. So, I essentially get stuck in this rut.

There is such a disconnect in my brain, I think I am capable of everything and nothing at the same time. There is some hope when thinking about the future but because I'm so aware of my present and my struggling that it is tainted. The past, also, I think ccould have been worse, but at the same time, bad enough. And the present. Just a cloudy mess. So I don't know where to file this thing and actuate it and find a balance. Don't worry Kaz, useful is not always necessary, being there is.

Rob, I don't think I can consciously empty my mind. I get bouts of dissociation, and that's the closest I've been. Rather than focusing on an object, I employ mindfulness in activities, like photography or sketching. Helplessness is scary...

I also agree, learning to let the thoughts be what they are does help, but I often get too caught up in them. Still learning.

Joelle

[Gruffudd]

You know, that drawing, the photography is such a good thing for me. I think it is similar to what Kaz writes about with alcohol addiction - distraction works. It works for me too.

So when there is a thought that is powerful an equally powerful distraction might be necessary. That was my reason for the zombie run app on my phone - it plays my music which distracts a little while I walk, but when running away from a zombie as fast as I can I can't think of anything else but what I'm doing. There are probably less embarrassing ways I could admit to doing on that front. 😉

Rob.

[lookingforme]

Photography is good for me too, but my motivation to do it is nil.

If it makes you feel better, I think zombie run is great. I even want to buy a tshirt