Dilemma thread.

[white knight]

This thread is all about dissolving confusion by posting a dilemma say a family feud, workplace incident, what reactions are best and so on.

This will give members opinions from other members on what they would do.

Here is my first dilemma-

Im an athiest. Yet I feel I'm tolerant. When my wife and I visit another couple in their 70's, they hold hands at the table to say grace. Thats ok.

However, in general conversation like discussing depression its "just have faith in the lord and all will be healed" comments that ruin our friendship

The dilemma- just go along with it? Push my views that it isnt realistic. Or drift away as our compatibility isnt there.

We've been friends for 45 years. I'm even in their will as they have no children

Thanks...whats your dilemma?

Tony WK

[CMF]

Dear Tony,

How are you going? I do hope you are well.

Deep down, in my heart, I think I know what you are saying is right. I have been hanging onto this hope that things will get better, get easier but it just isn't happening. I feel so trapped, in chains and I want to be free of feeling like this. You are right, I am letting my kids' feelings influence me, I'm too soft but continuing like this is not making me happy or healthy and if I am not happy or healthy my kids suffer too.

Tony you are so wise and have so much experience, I always value your input. It is too close to xms now but I think next year I need to focus on doing things and making changes to better our lives.

Thank you Tony. I appreciate your thoughts.

cmf x

[white knight]

Hi CMF,

So relieved. I pondered for a few hours, I thought I might have been too hard on you. It isn't easy suggesting to anyone that they are too soft on their kids etc. Any words about upbringing can lead to hurt. I'm sorry if it came across a little firm.

2018 will be a great year for you CMF. I know it will. Take your time and consider your options. Your year 11 son is at a turning point. He will adapt to whatever housing arrangement your provide him. At that age they just submit their list and "mum will think of me and take care of it" lol. I suppose its tough love and before you know it he will be more mature and be helping out, becoming your friends as well.

I think also he will benefit from one on one talk. Explaining the facts like why he cant have this or that, like explaining why you have to sacrifice the bedroom size for the benefit of no mortgage so you can afford to also educate the younger ones as they grow. etc.

You are wise CMF. You have this radiant aura that comes through your text. 2018 will be your year.

Tony WK

[CMF]

Dear Tony,

No, not too firm at all and not too hard on me. I know your story, what you went through.d the changes and sacrifices you made.

' You have this radiant aura that comes through your text.' Hehe, I'm blushing, such a lovely thing to say, thank you.

I hope 2018 will be my year. I hope it is a better year for many of us.

CMF x

[white knight]

Thanks CMF

My friend has a dilemma.

She and her husband has been married 33 years. Their only children passed away 10 years ago. A tragedy. Since then they have battled on with counseling. Lots of it.

Recently her husband retired. He is one of 12 children.

They are both respectable people. However he talks to her in a manner she (and everyone else within hearing range) feels is disrespectful. It is like he thinks she is dumb and annoying.

Being with each other 24/7 now and its worse than ever. I cant help her or my relationship with him would be at risk.

Any ideas?

Tony WK

[CMF]

Tony,

I wonder, does he mean to be disrespectful or does he not realise how the tone of his voice is coming across? i know I can come across worse than i intend to and my father was the same. I am very conscious of it and try to be careful of my tone.

Can she speak to him about how he speaks to her? Obviously she will need to be prompted to do this. Is he approachable?

An extreme suggestion is record him when he is speaking to her that way. It may come as a shock to him to hear how he sounds. This is extreme and he may become more aggressive about it but it is just a suggestion.

Perhaps a hobby is in order for him and/or her to get them out of the house and give them a break from each other. I imagine it would be hard to be together 24/7 especially if not used to it.

Other than that I think someone needs to pull him up on his behaviour.

It is a tough one as no one likes to hear negative things about themselves and it can be hard to accept. His pride/ego could be damaged so the approach needs to be the right one.

cmf

[white knight]

Hi CMF

Sorry for the delay, Ive been waiting to see my friend.

Theyve been to counseling. Sadly there is no improvement in him addressing her. The biggest issue is irritation.

He has 11 siblings and the result of that is, he isnt close to anyone...even his wife.

Anyway, I know when its time to bow out of helping as if the counselor cant help, I cant.

Tony WK

[quirkywords]

Hello Tony and everyone,

My friend has a dilemma.

Her husband had a falling out with his sister a year ago. My friend keeps in contact with her husband's sister but her husband refuses even to email. His sister lives overseas and he is going over there next year but has said he does not want to see his sister. My friend just wants everyone to get on but when she tries hard to get her husband to communicate with his sister.

Her husband does not want her to email the sister who is over 70 and she and her husband are unwell.

Dilemma, does she just see it as her husband's problem and not interfere.

Does she try to get brother and sister together as next year maybe the last time they will have a chance to see each other.?

I hope that is not confusing.

Basically does one interfere in one's spouse's sibling argument?

Quirky

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi Quirky,

If I was your friend I would leave things alone.

Some of us need closure and some of us don't. The husband might honestly not care. He has a right to feel that way. He doesn't seem to think it is a problem, his wife does. Why is it his problem? Why should he need to conform to his wife's way of thinking about his problems?

SM

[Birdy77]

Hi Quirky,

I agree with SM.

In my opinion, if your friend wants to keep in touch with her sister in law, that's her decision, but i don't think it's up to her to try and reconcile them or have everybody "get along". Sometimes it's just not possible or wanted.

🌻birdy

[Ggrand]

Hi Quirky,

If the falling out was only a year ago, before that brother and sister were talking?

Thats a sad situation to be in, I would hope that your friend would try at least once for a reconciliation, if that doesn't work out, and her husband still refuses, to see or speak to her, well at least your friends mind is at rest that she did try to get them talking or at least see each other,

Regret hurts....if she didn't try and her sil passed away without reconciliation of brother and sister your friend may keep on thinking to herself what if.

GG.