Dilemma thread.

[white knight]

This thread is all about dissolving confusion by posting a dilemma say a family feud, workplace incident, what reactions are best and so on.

This will give members opinions from other members on what they would do.

Here is my first dilemma-

Im an athiest. Yet I feel I'm tolerant. When my wife and I visit another couple in their 70's, they hold hands at the table to say grace. Thats ok.

However, in general conversation like discussing depression its "just have faith in the lord and all will be healed" comments that ruin our friendship

The dilemma- just go along with it? Push my views that it isnt realistic. Or drift away as our compatibility isnt there.

We've been friends for 45 years. I'm even in their will as they have no children

Thanks...whats your dilemma?

Tony WK

[meercat]

Hello. I have a dilemma.

My sister ..R.. who lives in NSW has not communicated with mum for 13 years(after a serious argument with mum).

After phone conference with WA State board tribunal yesterday for 2.5 hours She has now been legally appointed to look after mum's financial affairs.

Tribunal was convinced by my R that she wd be best administrator as she has many degrees including accountancy.They did not take into consideration mum was in highcare home and sudden contact by R after 13 years could affect mum.

The day to day tasks and medical decisions have been given to mum's nephew J who lives near nursing home which is in WA.

I have not been aware of my sister's contact details til yesterday.

My dilemma is that... now my life is going to involve an estranged sister who bullied me for years to the point of my MI prior to the family drift; and R treated mum in a cruel way, trying to have mum instutionalised over a family argument. NOW She is now looking after mum's business affairs. ALSO a cousin iv never met until last nights phone meeting, was appointed to care for mums day to day needs and treatments.

You may be wondering where i fit into this situation.

The WA state board invited me to participate in the meeting. As i did not have a solicitor present i was virtually ignored..i cd speak 5 mins of 2.5hr meeting. I was not asked what i thought about board's decision or how i fitted into the picture. I was not offered access to see or call my mum.

I feel i should phone the appointed carer, cousinJ, to touch base on a friendly note as he will be seeing mum on reg basis.

Should i contact my sister?

Im sure there's an answer but to have to talk to someone who put me down is making me a bit worried.

Its all overwelming at the moment.

meercat xx

[meercat]

Tony.. what a great thread. Hope we can help lots of people.

meercat xx

[white knight]

Hi Meercat

Firstly I would only give your sister your email address. You dont need to talk to people if you feel uncomfortable.

Contact the authorities to put forward your concerns by letter.

Definately contact your cousin. See how you go from there.

I dont want to be judgemental but 13 years is a long time. There is a chance your sister has changed for the better. An email conversation will confirm one way or the other.

Good luck

Tony WK

[meercat]

Yes Tony. Email could be the way to go. Keep things cordial. Im not sure how to get it as sister and i dont know each others addresses or phones and i dont have anyone to ask. Iv looked up white pages.

Cousin.. il call him tonight and see if we can start afresh. I dont know him but i feel he might be ok to talk to.

Thanks for ur quick response.

meercat xx

[meercat]

Hi Tony. Iv called my cousin and he's cool about popping to see my Mom at the home as he lives nearby.

My sister, she's lying low but im ready for her. She's like a cobra about to strike!

Could we call this a DoubleDilemma almost solved.

Once again, thankyou for being here.

meercat xx

[white knight]

No problem

You can drop into any electoral office and search gor residents from there for addresses.

Tony WK

[meercat]

Tony..ta i will search the electoral roll.

meercat xx

[CMF]

I have toying with the idea of selling and downsizing for a few years. It is not time to downsize with 3 children at home but it will mean I could buy outright. My current hoke has enough room and the option of converting the rumpus room to a bedroom. The place I buy will need a garage with internal access which i can convert a 4th bedroom. I do not want all the bells and whistles as there are people whom i do not want to know my business. I also think it would be very stressful for myself and the kids so i am wanting to sell off market. It is doabale but my dilemma is this;

This weekend my older kids are at their dad's house which meant i could give their house a really good clean, declutter their rooms and have it looking really good. Today my RE agent was going to do a 'quiet open' and invite a handful of suitable buyers/underbidders from today's auctions. Unfortunately, due to the extreme weather and storms in Melbourne he rang last night and suggested cancelling/postponing as a few of the people were not sure if they would cmd out if the weather was bad and one couple in particular who is interested is coming from across town and needs to use the freeway which is not advisable today. He was happy to go ahead with it but we agreed that it may be a fizzer as we don't want 1 person to show up as it will look like there is no other interest. the agent has told me we can reschedule whenever i want to before December 20, just say the word .

My son is quite anxious at the moment as he is starting year 11 next year, he also doesn't like the thought of selling as he is concerned about where we will live and will we have enough room. I don't want to be doing this next year when he starts school,however it is so close to xmas now and I don't think i will have any weekends where the 2 older ones are not home. They also finish school this week so even less time available.

Next year i my little one goes to school and i want to return to work, however i am not sure it will improve my situation and I am tired of struggling all the time. Also if I am working and bringing p 3 kids on my own how do I manage to keep the house in order for people to come through?

I have gotten through this far, do i stick it out and hope things will get better, keep trying or do I just sell take a chance and hope it is the right decision for everyone and that i don't cause more stress for the kids?

My house looks so good now, shame the weather stuffed it up.

cmf

[CMF]

Forgot to mention...ran out of room. It has been raining all day but no thunder storms. Could have had the open but no one was to know, we just went by the weather warnings, one month's worth of rain was due today.

I feel I missed my chance. I was hoping there may have been interest, maybe an offer and I may have had the chance to sell and be resettled (even if renting temporarily) before the kids go back to school. Now i don't know which way to go.

[white knight]

Hi CMF

First thing that comes to mind is imo not trying to include your children's feelings, needs and school schedule in the mix.

In a couple of short years your eldest is likely in uni, moved out with a job etc. His need for big enough rooms is the least of your problems. At that age young adults have their needs/wants but they can't have everything. A steep learning curve is to appreciate what they have which is what you can provide them.

I dont want to suggest Im a better parent but my then 15yo daughter was told to get a job. She did at a pizza shop. Then we moved further out and told her again at 16yo to get a job. Next day she came home from school "my new friends told me there is only 3 cafes and a fish and chip shop in town and I wont get work there."

I told her to apply. She did and got two jobs! She worked at both for 3 weeks then dropped one. She stayed there for 5 years. She saved for a new car. Every Friday she took a 3 hour train trip home from uni, work the weekend then train back to uni.

Anyway CMF I see your dilemma. In short trade down, own your home, dont cater for everyones needs too much and think ahead. And if it all means selling when the kids are at school next year so be it. Otherwise you'll be full of anxiety.

What do you think?

Tony WK