Cure worse than the disease...

[golden82]

This may not be 'popular' but for several weeks now I am finding the cure to be worse than the disease. As an already isolated person living alone in a flat with no family and no true friends and with a long standing eating disorder and other mental health issues, I am really struggling to get through the days. When the Prime Minister and others talk about making the most of it and spending time at home playing puzzles with the family or having an Easter camp out in the backyard....not everyone has a family or even a backyard. This whole situation is highlighting for me just how very isolated and alone and unloved or cared for I actually am. And I am sure there are others out there doing it tough in this regard too. Whilst it is good the PM talks about checking on your elderly neighbours; it is not only the elderly - I am only 37yo but totally alone. I find I am not represented at all in this discussion and it is people like me who slip through the cracks. There will be so many suicides from this reaction; and whilst initially I thought the govt was doing a good job of handling it, I really do not think all 'side effects' were considered. 

[Doolhof]

Hi golden82,

Welcome to the community here and thanks for sharing a very open and honest account of how you are not dealing with isolation.

Yes, there are lots of things we can do at home, but like you mentioned, when you factor in mental health issues, a lack of people to contact in the first place and being requested to stay home, which increases feelings of isolation, it can be difficult.

I really feel for you and wish I had a solution. I'm trying to work on my own ways of dealing with life right now.

I do have a husband, he comes home from work, uses his computer and phone, drinks and falls asleep. I wake him for dinner, he drinks and falls back to sleep.

Before all this I had volunteer jobs and a craft groups I attended. These were just people I met at those places, not friends. I have sent some people text messages but don't often get replies.

It can be lonely. We live in a small town where you don't see any one most days of the week let alone now. We are on a large block so don't see the neighbours, we only have 2 lots of neighbours.

I believe the Government are doing the best they can in a horrid situation. Hopefully there will be adequate mental health supports in place to help people.

Please use support places like beyond blue and Life Line if you need them.

I certainly appreciate how you are feeling! I am also wondering if you can think of ways that will help you through this?

I have been walking, cleaning up the garden, am crocheting a blanket for someone in an aged care home and have started a jigsaw puzzle.

Acknowledging how we are feeling can sometimes be a way to changing our circumstances. We know what we don't want right now, how can we make the situation more acceptable?

Regards from Dools

[golden82]

Thank you for your reply and some ideas Dools.

Yes, I have been on the phone to Lifeline etc so many times over the last 5 years or so. Whilst I am glad they are available, all I really want is to be loved, accepted and included (even in a small way) with my family and/or friends. But unfortunately this has not been the case. I do have a family living close by - however, they have cut-me out and excluded me from the family for many years. So much so that I have had Christmas alone every year since 2015, and birthdays, and Easter. And this 4 day Easter is no different. It is a very lonely and painful time for me in which I just watch the time tick by wanting it to be over.

I used to enjoy walking also, however due to my eating disorder complications it is very difficult nowadays. I have been trying to get back into reading and for the last week I have managed a chapter a night (not much I know but I am really having to force myself to do it). The self isolation and media of family time which pops up every Easter, mothers day etc really hits me in the guts. It is just not my experience. And services such as Lifeline encourage making friends...but the 'friends' I have must not be true because despite knowing my situation none of them ever include me in any way. They just send the odd msg telling me of their celebrations and hope I am okay. I really struggle with that because on the one hand I try to be polite and thank them for the msg, but then also it is a bit of a slap in the face that even though they know I am alone 100% of the time none of them ever think to include me. To me that is not a friend. And so these times show me I really have no-one and really am alone. It is beyond painful.

If I make it through I will have to re-assess my life and clear it out of these sorts of ppl. I deserve better. We all deserve better. Thanks again and Happy Easter to you and all.

[missep123]

Hi golden82,

I hear you.

Thank you for opening up and sharing.

I feel like it is an especially challenging time and when we already feel isolated, it can make things feel much more magnified. You're not alone though, I really like this community because a lot of people can relate to what we are saying.

Can I ask, what are the things that you enjoy to do at home? Is there anything that helps you unwind or relax?

[golden82]

Hi missep123,

Thank you for your response. Sorry for my late reply...I am not much of a tech person. But I do like to read and listen to music at home. It is a challenge as I can't seem to sit still and concentrate on a book; however have been chipping away at one over the last few weeks and actually finished it last night - first book I have read in probably 2 yrs. How about you? What do you like to do to pass the time?

[Doolhof]

Hi golden82,

Do you have any plans for the weekend? I know you mentioned you can't go walking much due to health issues, do you have an opportunity to get outside at all and be in the sun for a while?

I know it is all a little strange not being able to sit on benches and stuff. I am wondering if you might have a towel or something you could sit on in a park.

Congratulations on finishing the book! I have heard of some people reading just a page a day, so you have done well reading a chapter at a time.

You mentioned family and friends aren't there for you. I think some people find it really hard to understand mental health issues and how they can affect people.

I hope you can find ways to reach out and connect with people. There is a social zone here on the forum you might like to have a look at. There may be topics you could get involved in. I know it is not the same as close contact with friends, the interaction might help though.

Wish I had more solutions and ideas! Kind regards from Dools

[missep123]

Hi golden82,

No problem at all! Sorry about this late response!

Go you! That's a huge achievement! May I ask what you were reading?

Lately I have been really trying to learn how to meditate. I feel really relaxed and calm afterwards. Otherwise I like reading as well, listening to music, playing Animal Crossing or video games, watching Netflix. I also like cooking!

[quirkywords]

golden82 I am sorry you have been excluded from family events and that you are really feeling isolated.

I have heard people say look out for those living alone. On other thread dealing with covid-19 people have said how they are worried how we get include isolated into our society and not just think about them during lockdown.

That is great you have been reading. That is on my to do list.

Thanks again for your honesty.

[golden82]

Wow... Thank you to each of you for your posts. This is a very supportive and encouraging group of people. Thank you for the info re the forums here; I will have a look at the ones suggested. As I have said I am not much into online and am quite backward when it comes to all that - just know enough to get by.

Thanks for your kind words re finishing my book. It was an effort, even though the chapters were only a few pages each. It was a thriller book - I like those types of books - however it was pretty predictable and the last third was disappointing. I plan to read a book in May and then a book in June. Baby steps but will try.

Yes, I like the park and am lucky to have a couple near my home. One of them has little tree stumps I could sit on if the weather is okay. These little things I would not have thought of if not for others ideas. I had never heard of Animal Crossing before - so I googled it and it looks like a colourful and fun game.

It is nice to hear how you all like to spend your time. I hope you all continue to keep well during this very trying time. Best Wishes 🙂